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H came home early without S15. S15 riding home with friends. H is in our shower now. His mom only has a bathtub. However, I strongly suspect that H is heading to see OW tonight before he heads to airport to go out of town on business in the am.

H asked if I was going to go hunting with S15 next weekend. I think I'll let H take him again. At least he's not with OW!

I'm heading to the library today to pick up a copy of DR. I'm tired of waiting on my copy to arrive.

Had H take care of problem with pool. Asked how is mother was (just out of the hospital - she's not my fav person). All was very nice and cordial. H was even nice. Usually he is very short and ugly toned in person but on phone is OK. He doesn't have the barrier between us when we are in person.

Treese - I've been reading your post. Have our H's been cloned? I'm sorry that you and I are in the same boat. At least we have DBing for a life vest!

Sleeper - My H is used to me handling all our affairs (bad choice of words LOL). However, if H wants D bad enough then H will go to his own attorney. I've spoken to an attorney for general guidance; but, H only thinks I care about the money (UNTRUE). However, if H gets ugly and threatens again to not help pay bills and lets us go into bankruptcy, I know of another attorney that will take him for everything! I don't care about the money but I do care about my children and they shouldn't have to do without because of H's MLC while H, OW and OW's kids live high on the hog off of H's good income and me and my S's do without.

Sooner;

I think a lot of our spouses have been cloned. It's the same crap from all of them. And my H appears very in control like nothing is wrong. I on the other hand wear my heart on my sleeve and have to take meds to get through a day. My H doesn't even cry. He just says the kids will be fine and on and on....blah, blah....blah!

I too have talked to a lawyer for guidance. At least if my husband files I am not in the dark as to what I'm entitled to. I will only go to my lawyer if he files, then I'll contest it. I will drag it out until dooms day. I'm serious. H's OW is used to being handed everything. This the first time she has ever worked in her life. My H will not be able to keep up with all her wants. I will take him for everything so my kids can continue to lead the life they are used to.

Take care

Treese

Treese:

Hopefully our H's will come out of their MLC's and realize that we are not the devil and that we are the women they fell in love with so many years ago (wrinkles/rolls & all) and that we can have an even more wonderful marriage.

If it does come down to the D you may want to ask your attorney about including the phrase 'lifestyle they have been accustomed to'. See what attorney has to say about this phrase. However, I hope that you (or anyone else here) do not get to this point.

I just finished reading DR. I've never read a book so fast in my life. I'm working on Step 2 - Know What You Want. My GAL goals are to loose weight, start exercising & try yoga (always wanted to do this). I need to get healthy for myself not because H is a "physical" person and hasn't found me sexually attractive in years. I believe I've mourned my H's D decision long enough (2 mon). I need to GAL.

Any DB suggestions would be appreciated.

H & I have extreme communication problems. Neither of us will say what is wrong and our issues get buried deeper and deeper and now it seems all we have is resentment instead of love for each other. My concern is that if I don't at least say something to him about our sitch then he may think my silence is an agreeance with him to D.

What I was thinking about doing is telling him that when he thinks the "smoke has cleared" that I'd really like us to talk and discuss things. Maybe we can be friends for our S's sake and not harbor deep anger issues that will affect them. I wouldn't go into any detail about our R just let H know that when he's ready to talk then I'll be here.

Thoughts anyone?

I told H he could take S15 hunting this weekend instead of me. He is trying to get out of it "because he's tired" - traveling a lot this week. However, I think I'll try and convence H to go with S15 (at least H isn't with OW). Maybe not good DBing? I'm trying to find some place to go for the weekend. Maybe if H sees me loading up my suitcase to go out of town he may wonder what's up?

Interesting little note - I went to H's office at lunch today to take his secretary some papers (I do notary work for her). She didn't say one word about H & I being separated, his OW (she knows her too), or a pending D. I believe she would have said something as she and I are pretty close. She would've at least told me she was sorry to hear about things between H & I but she didn't. Which makes me think that H still hasn't told his coworkers/employees and that OW is still in the closet.

_____________________
Soonerlady

H 43
M 42
S 19
S 15
M 20 T21
Bomb 11/07
OW 10/05

I spoke to H this am. He won't be taking S15 hunting and he isn't sure what his plans are for the weekend. I suggested him contacting S19 but he and S19 have a strained relationship right now. I know I shouldn't have asked H is plans but I did.

H did say he was coming to the house Monday and he and S15 are going to work on the boat to get it ready for fishing when it warms up. I think I'll try and talk to him then.

SL;

Last talk my H and I had was a few Sundays ago when I found out OW bought him a Christmas gift that he said he won.... I flipped out..He even told the kids he won it and we helped him load songs on to his NEW ipod. How could he do that??? A**

I am still Dbing myself. Not so good at it though. But I haven't called my H or emailed him unless he contacts me first. I am so much better at that. I am basically leaving him alone. It is so hard. He says I just have to accept it... whatever!!

He is still living in the world where the grass is greener. I hope it turns brown soon. LOL!!

I know his OW is all awesome looking and has a great body but whatever, I am real....I'm not heavy, and I don't think I'm ugly but whatever....some day I'll find real love....hopefully someone who is done with MLC..

And with all this stress shouldn't we be the ones having a MLC. It's horrible. I just keep praying...

(((Treese)))

Hey Treese:

I'm proud of you for not calling and emailing!! My H has gone dark on me but remains in contact with S15. I call him when I need something but won't email or text. I think he needs to hear the love and happiness in my voice. I could be crazy. It's amazing how after 20 yrs. he can just cast me aside so quickly.

The OW is 5 yrs younger than me & much smaller. I need to lose a bunch of weight. H has already lost his. Said it was for his health (now I know better). I do think I'm more attractive than OW! I called a health club to see about joining - part of my GAL.

Spoke to SIL who suggested I call MIL to get advice and smooth things over with her. It would definately be a 180 for me and if MIL tells H then maybe he'll see I'm making efforts to change.

Yesterday was a BAD day for me. Cried most of it. They are not as frequent as 2 mons ago.

I hope our H's start to realize that even though their fantasy world grass may be greener that it's been well fertilized with BS and not true love. I hope they both end up with weeds!!

All we can do is keep praying for their (and our) sanity and of course color that gray hair they are causing us! LOL

Soonerlady

Sooner:

I do cry alot but I look at it as a relief.....I do feel better when I'm done but I'd rather be crying that my H has realized what he has done and he wants to work on us. And if that ever happens I guarantee I will cry...

And you made me laugh about the weeds.... but I feel the same way. Weeds and crabgrass.......What our H's don't realize is that the OW is probably sleeping with others also and lying to them. I know how women work. They'll do anything to keep the man. And she is a slut....my opinion of course.....

and my hair is definately gray but I cover it.....

I've been with my H for 29 years.....and he says"what's that got to do with anything""...OMG...I just want to slap him....


((((Treese))))

Treese:

I don't know if we cry more because we miss them or because we know that they are missing out on (US!).

I've been with my H 1/2 my life and you've been with yours 29 yrs. IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT. You don't invest that kind of time in something and just walk away with OW (or OM).

I'd like to show my S's that in an R if the going gets tough you don't throw in the towel. You roll up you sleeves and work on things! I want to be a good example for them. I want them to at least realize that I did everything I could for our family and my M. I won't quit! I'm sure you're the same.

Read your thread - pole dancing!!! Where are you going to put up your pole so you can practice? Somewhere H can see? Can't you just see the look on his face when you come home with a brass pole and install it in your bedroom?! Makes me smile just thinking about it.

Sooner;

I too have told my D21 and D15 that dad is in a crisis, that I love him with all my heart and I am sticking by him. I married him for better or worse. It's committment, it's loyalty. Just because you come to a fork in the road you don't bail. You stick by each other and work through it....You owe it to your family to at least try...
Of course my D21 response is I don't know why you still love him, I would throw his stuff out on the front lawn.

I did ask my H what he would tell D21 if her boyfriend were to cheat on her....would he tell her to dump him or work on their relationship of 5 years...He said, "I don't know", imagine that, his favorite phrase...

All those years do matter...just our husbands don't see that..

I cry for my children, myself and the life we should be sharing right now...can't go back on the past year...let's move forward together, leave the past behind and build a better future...too bad my H won't even consider it right now...

You gave me an idea on the pole....remember I just bought a new bra and underwear..the pole might get his attention...

wouldn't that just be soooo awesome to learn to do something so sexual and then perform for you H or whomever it ends up being...okay,,,I need to wake up....the no sex thing is sending me over the edge...LOL!

Treese

Treese:

My S19's girlfriend gets concerned because S19 is SO much like his dad - looks like him too. I reminder that he is 1/2 of me too and that's not too bad and not to let my H's issues scare her.

The health club I called called me back and told me that someone had paid for a yrs membership! Thank you my little angel! I was wondering how I'd pay for it without H knowing. He so wants to know what I'm spending the money on. All he has to do is look at the ck book. He thinks all I care about is the money and that I think he was only "a paycheck".