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Hope you have a good day today Jenny. Thinking of you.

I am REALLY procrastinating.
I have to fill out my Financial Statements and get them to my lawyer and I am avoiding it like the plague. I'm on page 7 of 22 and I HATE IT!

I find myself so focus on H again right now. My prayers are back to focusing on H and God planting that seed of doubt in his head.

I'm going to pretend that I'm offering advice to someone else...I always seem to be more objective when speaking to others...bare with me...this may sound a little weird.

JennyF,
Just sit down and fill out the forms. You'll feel better once they're done and off your plate. If nothing else, it will show your H that you're not standing in the way of his happiness and that you're doing what you have to do to take care of yourself and your children. Remember, the sooner you do this the sooner he can move onto to realize that the answers are NOT there in this new life he wants.
I understand it is hard to do, but sometimes it's just hard HAVING something to do. Once it's done, you won't have to think about it anymore. The longer you put it off, the more it will weigh on your mind. JUST DO IT.

And as for the prayers...don't stop praying for your H, just make sure you keep praying for yourself too.
You're doing better than you're giving yourself credit for.
Hang in there!!
((((HUGS))))
J~

How was that?? LOL!
I think I really may be going crazy because I'm now talking to myself!!! LOL.
J~

Jenny, I just sent up a special prayer for you. I hope it helps. As far as H. I think if your H is at all like mine, #1 H isn't done punishing you/me yet #2 H is too stubborn to admit he made some mistakes.

I like the advice you gave yourself.

I remember recieving the final D papers in the mail. It was one paper with a stamp on it. Our marraige was done with one paper!

Now look where I am (shhh....dont say it), it may not be great by far and still really painful but its not over. Never really was. Even if your D goes through you never know.

Hey kid,

Just wanted to stop by and say Happy Valentine's Day.

- IC

I had a pretty good day today. The whole V-day thing didn't really get to me at all. Maybe that's because I knew that H was 'working' last year on V-day (AKA with CFB)...so really this isn't my first alone...or his first with her. *sigh*

ANYWAY! Around 3PM my best friend calls me and asks what I'm doing tonight. We have kids the exact same age...she says to me, her H (a firefighter who is on nights tonights) gave her money to come over here and buy us both dinner! "Isn't he sweet", I said!
So she came over with the kids and we ordered pizza and had a glass of wine each (she's breastfeeding too so not too much wine for either of us!). The kids had fun, we had fun. It was really great.

Another friend called me tonight saying that she was going to have to see my H for the first time tonight since the bomb drop (5 months). She wasn't looking forward to it. Her H was having my H over to watch the Leafs game before they had to leave for their own hockey game.
I have to say that it is bothering me how some people have just accepted it and are moving with things. I guess I shouldn't expect much different.
It hurts. I don't expect them to all jump up and defend my honour (sort of), but I didn't think they would make it this easy on him either. I mean, if everyone around him, his mother, his best friend, his other friends all accept him and move on with life as normal...is there anything to help H self reflect? If no one else thinks that what he is doing is wrong, then is it? I know people have lost respect for him and for the most part DO think what he's doing is wrong, but they really aren't doing anything to show him that.
Out of my control I guess.

I pretty much got the financial papers filled out. I have to send them to my L early next week. As I filled them out it brought back a lot of memories as a lot of it was going back to the date of marriage etc.
I kept wondering what his thoughts were as he filled out his sheets. Is it possible that he could be filling them out and not refelcting on these things? Or did he reflect on them and still think, thank God I'm getting out of this!
I had this weird feeling all day that H was thinking about me and second guessing himself. I have NOTHING to base this on, in fact all signs point to the opposite. So what is this feeling about? I don't know.
I like to think it's God's way of talking to me...but it could just be denial and false hope.

H popped by a few minutes after D, S and I got home to drop off D's overnight bag from last night. It was unexpected...but I have to say that I was feeling pretty good about myself. I was wearing my pre-baby jeans (I mean pre FIRST baby!!). My really skinny jeans (thank you depression diet!) and a cute hot pink tee shirt. I think I looked casually cute (dare I say sexy).
I wonder if H noticed. Don't guys ALWAYS notice things like this? I hope so.
SEEDS OF DOUBT! I'M ALL ABOUT PLANTING SEEDS OF DOUBT!
J~

Thanks IC...right back atchya!!

Jenny

Glad you had a nice day. Good for you!!

bear

Hi there Jenny

I am happy to read that your day was kinda positive.

Also as I looked back at my thread, which I had stepped away fm 4 the last 2-3 days, I realized how your post has been reinforcing to me. (on 2-11)re: you sharing your childhood pushing away your Dad & how it mirrors my sitch . .<motto> not to take it personally.

Thanks for that. It was and continues to be a help.

I understand what you are saying about friends still including H. Like they are accepting and condoning what he is doing. I always wanted friends to totally shun him and make him pay for what he has done. I am sure people don't respect your H for what he has done but they don't want to get involved too much.

I am jealous you are in your skinny jeans!!! When H left I lost 30 lbs and felt so good physically...it was the devastation diet. Now that I am preggo I have put alot back and unless this is one huge baby, I don't think I am walking out of the hospital 45 lbs lighter! I will have some work to do. I am sure your H noticed.