Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I'm going to focus on other goals for ME part 3!!!

What do you mean?

Hey dar! I've sen when you got stomped! This isn't it!

Remember, do more of what works, and less of what doesn't! It seems that you are getting a pretty good handle on what works, and seeing the results. So keep it up. Remember, it is a long road!

You know what, I think you feel like you are getting stomped because you are getting trained! The more you think about the whys and the hows, the better you are going to be able to help others! I've noticed you venturing off your thread more lately, I think it is a really good thing. YOU are going to be ok!

((((dar))))

I was doing well the past couple of days and got great feedback from everyone on how well I was talking with H. But now that I say he's consuming my head and what can I do to help him, I feel like I'm getting treated as a nuisance.



Amy, where did you go? I went on your thread and see it was locked. I hope you didn't break away and I'm betting your thread wasn't locked on accident?

Dar:

I'm there with you....I know exactly how you feel. The rules changed somewhere along the way... I've been trying too hard to do what comes/came naturally in the past...now I'm trying to do things differently. The sitch can be all consuming sometimes...I understand that!

Hang in there...some days are up and some days are down. You are getting some wonderful advice from people here and it helps all of us to read your posts and the replies.

Worry about you....let H be...I know you don't want to...but you have to....this is his journey and we're just "lucky" enough to be along for the ride!

Hugs!

BA

Nobody said you are a nuisance.

It's more like you start to get it,and then you get scared so you regress.

Are you scared that if you actually get on with your life he will think you don't care about him?

Ofcourse I'm scared of that BND. I want my M, I don't GAL'ing to help push this M the rest of the way to it's death.

Dar,

I'm honestly trying to help you. I've been through this twice. I know it seems counterintuitive that by getting a life and putting some distance between you and your H seems like it's the wrong thing to do. And let me be the first to say that there are NO guarantees.

Try it.

I've been being the friend to him the more and more he's been opening up to me. It just seems to me that I'm patted on the back every so often here but when I get like this I just stompped.

You're doing good things.

Others have been through hell ... and some of them even have come back.....so they feel very strongly when they feel you are heading into a territory that will backfire on you ... they can actually feel the anxiety for you. There are a few DBers that seem to be in situations that I've been in, and when they are heading down a path that seems so 'cheeseless' ... my stomach goes in knots. When they do the same thing over and over again, like I used to....I'm as mad at them as I was at myself.

I LOVE that you are brainstorming and coming up with crazy loving ways to show your H. Sometimes our first thought has to be 'checked'.....and your friends here are there to provide that check. Sometimes they will be right, sometimes they will be wrong. (Same with you and me). But they will provide the 'check'. Then you wait and weigh it.

You experiment, monitor results......and if it isn't working, don't do more of it.

Some of the things you're doing to build the friendship are just wonderful. And that could save the day.



You are learning. You are building your relationship skills. Your timing is no one else's timing...and in the end......no matter what any person says -- even me -- you are your relationship expert. We ... and DB are your tools.

(If you call me a tool--I may not respond kindly ;))

sg

^

Dar, the consumption of the brain for your loved one is perfectly normal. If I could, I'd direct you to all my posts from this time last year, but they've been wiped from the boards (*shrug*). It's normal, but it's something you got to stop doing and stop focusing on.

The reason we're using a lot of 2x4's right now is because we've been there and know that once you START thinking about them, you start to spiral down and can't STOP thinking about them. So, you have to learn to stop before you even start.