W just left to get an eye exam (buy glasses). can't understand it she even gets excited about shoping for eye glasses. D7 is watching a movie...we will visit my parents later (D7 will sleep over). I am pretty much open for the day,.....I can't wait for the summer....I would be playing golf al day....instead, it's efen cold and I don't really have any plans. Anyhow, W actually kissed me and wished me a nice day....said she would call me later. W mentionned again that she will go to church tommorow. Again I asked her if I could accompany her. She replied it was not neccesary. Well i am 0 / 2 and will make one last attempt tommorow morning. I am trying to show some support in what will probably be a tough time for her. What else can I do? Weekend expectations are very difficult. The weekdays are fine...everyone is busy...the weekends are a little tougher because I expect her to include me in her plans. Actually I probably have it better than most. i did go for supper last night. We will see what today brings.
I would not bring it up again. She heard you already. Be ready if she offers but do not expect it. Be supportive, understanding, validating, and mostly just hush when she talks about it upon her return. I just cannot imagine you getting an invite.
Words of affirmation are important and need to be spoken despite the fact you think she knows what you are thinking. So, you need to tell her things like she is a good mother, etc...periodically, it will make her feel loved. Don't bombard her just mention it occasionally when appropriate. Think about it. Don't you wish you were told you did a good job when it was simply expected and no one said anything to let you know they noticed? It shows love.
Just had a chat with my W who spent the day looking at condos (I just found out). It's becoming painfully obvious that she still needs me but wants to move forward with the seperation / divorce. She even admitted that it sounds weird. Now she is making calculations to buy me out. SHe will find out if she can get a mortgage. If not the house is going up for sale on Tuesday. I appreciate all your suggestions to stay in the house but I think that the only chance our M has is to live apart. I just dread what it will do to D7. I need to do this the quicker the better. I will have plenty of opportunities to DB even if we are apart.
If not the house is going up for sale on Tuesday. I appreciate all your suggestions to stay in the house but I think that the only chance our M has is to live apart. I just dread what it will do to D7.
Separation is not always the end of the world - Sometimes it gives the opportunity for everyone to 'time out' and gather themselves back together again. Hopefully your W will be smart and take the time to really work on herself and figure out what she needs to feel happy again.
Chances are she won't - Not for a LONG time anyway.
Brit, I hope you are wrong about the long time. From what she told me, I think she WILL work on herself....whether she figures that I am what she needs is another question.
I hope you are wrong about the long time. From what she told me, I think she WILL work on herself....whether she figures that I am what she needs is another question.
It's not going to happen overnight, that's for sure - Even basic emotional problems take a long time to work through.
I'm seven months in (separated for four), and my W is only now starting to deal with some of the real issues she has.
Without getting into too much detail about last night (post discussion), W and I had a little wine. She probably had a litle more than me.....to make a long story short, we ended up in bed.....She definately initiated last night's activities.
This AM., W asked if I was mad and I said why should I be mad? Honestly, if I was reading this thread, I would probably think this stuff is all made up. Suffice it to say that regardless of what happened last night, I get the feeling that W wants to be alone but would like me to be there for her at the same time. She said this during our conversation.....she wants me to give her business advice, be there for our D7 (goes without saying), be available to spend some time together. Why we can't do this while working on our R like a normal couple is beyond me. She even went as far as saying that she wants to buy me out so that if we want to get back together, we will still have our house. Unfortunatelly, I don't think she will be able to. even if the bank agrees, she will be very very tight with the payments. I know all this sounds a little weird but I am just reporting on events in the hope that some of you can give me some insight on what is going on before my very eyes. She even went as far as saying that she is tired of relying on me and needs to move on with her life. The added responsibilities she hopes will ground her a little (get back to the basics). Why she can't do this with me around is beyond me. How is all this going to effect D7? Why is she willing to put D7 through this considering the pain that W went through as a child? I am shaking my head in disbelief even as i write this. BTW,iIt does not look like W is going to church. I don't want to bring it up because I don't want to remind her about her sister. She is writing a report for her partner...there is the major problem in my book anyway ...... PRIORITIES.
I think our wives are going through much the same thing. No romance in our house unfortunately. There isn't anything rational about my W's behavior. She is making me waffles and coffee and couldn't be more pleasant and then asks about the lawyer and where he is on the divorce. I think I got emotional whiplash.
I think these women need to prove something to themselves. That they can be independent. However, they need to keep us close just in case it doesn't work.......
I think you hit the nail on the head. My W all but admitted that she wants me close. I am in disbelief when she says this stuff...wea re getting ready to break D7'S heart and you want me to be your friend?
Emotional whiplash....that is perfect. Today she cooked me a late breakfast and i then left the house. She was going to watch a movie with D7 and called me to ask me to join them. In the theater, she taps me on the shoulder and tells me I am glad you are here. All very strange.
