Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Wife's MLC???

Thanks w8ing..

You are right, it would only make matters worse..

It would only accomplish more anger and resentment, and that light bulb wouldn't go off.. Time and patience, I will have to learn.

Thank you for your response..

This is so hard, I can't think of anytime in my life when I have been more miserable.

I am fighting a very strong urge to call her, I just can't seem to stop thinking about her and wishing that this was over. Kinda childish I know but damn it hurts.

This goes against everything you think will work.
But tell me, the things you want to do, did they ever work in the past in other relationships?

Fyre, you can call her. I wouldn't, but you can. Eventually you'll figure out that the contact you really want, she isn't going to provide. You want the type of contact that is comforting from her, but what you are more than likely going to get is contact that is going to end up hurting you.

So let's say you do call her.
What are you going to say?

"Hey. I miss you."
BAD

"Hey, just thinking of you, hoping your having a good day."
BAD

"Hi, I love you."
WORSE

Any of those emotionally laced statements will generate silence, and then your going to get upset and wonder what is wrong with her...from there...it goes downhill.
Do you like arguments? Do you want to feel worse than you do right now?

It is not childish.
It may very well be the most miserable time of your life. Lets hope it is, lets hope nothing worse happens to you or yours.

So you are very new to this.

What are you going to do today for yourself? What have you not done for yourself in a very long time? What can occupy your mind?
Go do it.
In fact go do something that you would never see yourself doing, Rock Wall Climbing, Pottery class, Art Class, join a Museum. Something new that will require you thinking outside your safe box zone.

Jack, very well said. Although I must say that I end many of my emails with W by saying; "Hope your having a good day" or "Talk to you soon" but I have an unusually high amount of contact with her.

fyremn, Listen to what Jack is telling you. Let her contact you because contacting her right now will only cause you more pain.

I probably would have said all three, going for the trifecta of dumb comments..

I am very new to this. And would have made every mistake in the book if I hadn't found this site.

As for doing something for myself today -- Does wallowing in self pity count -- Just kidding... Most likely I will go to the gym with my daughter after work and then we will have a nice dinner together.

I have my work and school to keep me busy and occupied most of the time.

Don't beat yourself up for what you did in the past. In the 3 weeks between the bomb and finding this site, I did everything wrong. Everything. What is important is what you do in the future not what you did in the past.

Fill all of your time.

I have a question..

How long did you continue to wear your wedding ring after the seperation??

I have an answer.

I wore it until "I" was done, or rather believed I was done. When I moved on and was looking forward to a different life.

I put it back on when she came back and could live within the boundaries I had placed.

I still wear mine. I took it off for a day several months ago but it didn't feel right so I put it back on.