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Cat my H and I also had a 'written' agreement when we first separated. I signed it, he didn't. He hasn't honoured one bit of it. It wasn't worth the paper it is written on (yes I still have it). Don't waste your time worrying about it. At the moment your H wouldn't know the truth if it came up and bit him in the a**. Let him take care of his own issues b/c that's what they are HIS.

Meanwhile you take care of you and your kids. IF he comes back you will need to be in tip top shape to cope with the further ups and downs that this ride still might have in store for you.

Hi Cat - just catching up. What a whirlwind. I see such a power struggle between you and H. (i recognize it from my own sitch) You want things to work out, make him take ownership, make him man-up and he keeps drawing things out with OW - even working through his feelings is difficult to sit by and watch.

The ONLY thing that worked for H and me was me letting go compeletly. With the help of my C, I was able to tell H that I was no longer going to persue him, try to fix our m, get him to commit to something he didn't want. And after I said it, I followed through.

Cat - your H knows what he did was wrong and sinful. He doesn't need you to remind him of it over and over. Let him man-up the way he CAN. It's not going to be the way you want it to be, the timing you want, the method you want, but he can do it. Stop pulling and he will get up on his own. He needs to find his way out of the mud.

You guys are together for a reason. Surely, you believe that God brought you together. Your H will always be in your life - you are the parents to children - he will always be there. Start building a friendship, again.

praying for you!
Em

I guess the agreement was another form of me keeping tabs on him, yea, pretty ridiculous since we 've been married and he was doing all that crap.

Let him man-up the way he CAN.
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I have been in my H's business for so long that it is so hard to let him do things his own way, arghh!!! I need a lobotomy

I brought up separation grudgingly, I guess deep in the bottom of my heart I was expecting him to react on my time and make up his mind soon... well,there has to be a sound mind to make up and right now there isnt' one, he's still trying to find his place in this world and I want him to hit the ground running.

Going dark is harder than i thought.Well, we sort of are going dark by force since he's still without a cell. Better this way perhaps, should teach me to stop willing him to call me, hoping for that ring on my phone. Unless he find his cell or for some strange reason uses a pay phone we wont' talk until monday, that'd be the longest we'd ever gone without talking to each other.

What is getting to me now is his T's councel, that he shouldn't be "leading me on" if there is a chance we wont' work out, doesnt' that sound fatalist and pretty much "why bother if this might not fly"? Our MC believed that MCing and T go hand in hand, but his T seems to be going the other direction.
OK OK, so he needs to fix himself before anything can happen in our M, and yes, this is out of my hands, I just don't like the T's methods. I do understand that T or no T H will come to me if he truly wants to regardless, but I wonder if this T will make things harder for him to fight for us.

Perhaps I should see a C myself, the one I really liked. Today I learned the wonderful lady who cared for my children died after a 5day coma, it struck me terribly, she had so much to give and had so much energy and gave so much of herself to the children. It made me look at things from another angle for a chance and see how much promise each day brings and how I waste my time in fruitless rummiation. Thanks again for talkign sense into me, I will again be the leach of the board, thanks for being here for me.

Cat, thank you for visiting my thread and leaving me some expert opinion on 'forgiveness'. Much food for thought there and I appreciate it.



I don't agree with this, Cat. I believe the agreement was important in its' own right, for H as well as for you. It signified H's intention . Of course, whether or not he can honor the agreement, given his lingering 'feelings' for OW is another thing. In the battle for H's soul, will feelings trump intentions? Will 'feelings' win out over the higher aspects of what it is to be a man?

The drama continues! Stay tuned, Cat.

BTW, I have the same feelings about IC that you do. If only we could count on truly professional behaviors from them, but often their own personal history & value system gets in the way of their professional counsel. But at bottom, this is only another rough spot along this rough, rough path. Hang in there.

this is gold, and what goes inside H. He now has PLENTY of time to let his feelings run its course, if I'll get the man I want in my life he'll use his head, if not, he can keep doodling ow's drawings and spinning on his wheels. I trust God to let me know when I should move on if the latter happens.

It only did that if Mr Cat drew it up. If it was Cat herself (which I suspect it was) then it is her expectations of him. I made the same mistake and bang on the script my H (like Cat's) let me down.

Not only that by Mrs. Cat drawing up the agreement and signing it he knows he's not risking anything. He has her hooked while he can use his own logic to validate wherever he wants to be. For example, oral S isn't real sex.... or, but we're just friends.... or, while as long as we are not living together (him and OW) we don't have a serious relationship so I'm not cheating. People who want to do something will figure out a way to validate it in spite of some agreement you try to foist on them.

ACJ is absolutely right. It would only "hold water" if it was Mr. Cat's idea and he drew it up.

it was my idea, and all he wanted to know was that "would this S count towards D if get there? you know, just in case one of us (me) wants to screw up the other one)

Yea, it was a waste of time / paper alright.

I think that pretty much says it all. What are the laws in your state? Is it a no-fault state or could this type of data be helpful to your sitch?

don't know, we dont' do 50 50, thats all i know