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{{{cat}}}

i've not been on here in a good while, just checking in with my friends' sitches. I'm so glad you are going thru with this S. See how much better your PMA is already without trying to be Julie McCoy, Cruise Director for your H's crazya$$ self? Yay for you.

Also, remember
"we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2Cor 10:5 (NIV)
or the Message version:
"We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ."

When wayward thoughts try to take me down, it's helped tremendously to practice 'taking every thought captive' just in the last few weeks.

Hope to update soon, but wanted to stop in and say hello. {{{hugs to you}}}

Cat,
Keep working in you. Accept that you will have those sad and hopeless moments. But know that you can take yourself out of those moments.

Look at this as an opportunity to really find out who YOU are and what YOU want out of life. And do it.

With each day, try to let go a little more of your H and his recent behavior. Let go and let God.

hey girls! so glad to see you. Had a rough weekend, it never fails, whenever we have an R argument something goes really bad at his job and he has a mini nervous breakdown which ends up being me "piling on him" and that i'm pushing him away, argh!!!
Well, I'm also on "high alert" and my BS radar is on high so that I put anything he says into the radar and look for any and all possible ways he might be telling me lies... thus making him feel I"m giving him the 3rd degree. *SIGH*, still, so much to learn, but here we are.

I did GAL big time, thanks to a sleepover and H watching the kids today I went and saw some friends and had a great time, I came home feeling so much better today, my old friend from church is recording a christian CD and sang to me a few songs she wrote, they were SO lovely it made me cry, I always feel better after a little cry. We are going to have dinner tomorrow night for V-day, he works that day, so, at least we are celebrating that day.

Sorry for the rough weekend, hon. Is there any way to step back from the R arguments so you don't catch the blame for his problems at work?

The BS radar is natural...don't let it suck you in. Let it roll off your back! Time to come up with a response that gets you out of the sitch...he shouldn't have to feel like he has to come up with BS for you, KWIM? Something along the lines of, "thanks for the information, but don't feel like you owe me explanations..." That's pretty rough, but you see what I mean? Don't put yourself in the sitch where the BS comes up if at all possible.

I'm glad you got some GALing in. Good luck with your V-Day dinner--see if you can keep it light and lessen the opportunities for blame and BS.

Don't put yourself in the sitch where the BS comes up if at all possible.
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Good point, in some ways I ask some questions to "see" what he might say, not often but one time is one time too many, thanks for the idea

Is there any way to step back from the R arguments so you don't catch the blame for his problems at work?
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we did have a "no R talk" during work,at the time I called he was off, though later on we slipped and ended up in a bad place.

Thanks Aud :), I need to stop trying to catch him in a lie when we talk or when he just has a slip of the tongue, I should focus on positive ways of interact instead of trying to find fault when somethings he said "dont add up". HE did get very frustrated and didn't believe he was contradicting himself, I think he forgets how much damage his lies have done to my trust in him, so its hard for him to understand when I get all suspicious.

We r talking fine now, and we are still on for tonight

It's so much easier said than done...I find myself slipping on this all the time, trying to pull what I want to hear out of him. It doesn't work--just gives birth to more lies, or at least makes our interactions more fertile ground for them.

You're so wonderful Cat--have a fabulous day!

Oh goodness, cat, I hate to say I do that, too, try to catch him in lies. Unfortunately, it's too easy. Sometimes he catches me catching him!

I hope ya'll had a good time last night.


You are an inspiration to me.

L

Cat,
I've only read the very first post of this thread. I was drawn to it b/c just today I described myself as someone who was constantly on the battleground.

I will try to catch up and keep up.

(((((((((Hugs))))))))))

hugs to you both)))

Things went crazy that day, we almost didnt' go, but it was a good dinner, he hardly say anything, but he did find a really tasty place to go, I loved the food, he got me my fav chocolates and a cute ornament for my car. We could've not have done anything and I was not expecting any gifts, so it was nice and I really appreciated the gestures.

This past weekend I learned that as I think my sitch is terrible there are others out there in worse conditions. My dear friend/neighbor has just stopped chemo, has lost all her hair and had a mastectomy-- has just found out her H is talking w/a ow, her mom just died in her country and she couldnt' go to funeral, she is devastated and barely able to cope with her health, the death and now her H doing this. It came out that night I had dinner at home (my GAL plans), we both had a good cry ( I told her in a nutshell a bit of my sitch, no details, so she knows I understand what she is feeling right now) As she talked my blood boiled, remembering how I felt when I found out about the A, as she described her feelings of worthlessnes, just like I felt comparing myself to ow. I was able to talk to her and told her what I've learned about As and supported her emotionally.
The very next day in church I learned of a lady who's H kicked out (was a stay at home mom) and took her 2daughters from her, 2 yrs now and she prays every day to be with them. My heart breaks thinking of both of them, how I'm healthy and have my two kids and you guys to listen to my rantings, I'm blessed and my cup runs over.

Still getting a hold on some crazy thoughts about this whole mess, trying to push them so I dont' think of them 24/7, I sleep better and have no anxiety, just fighting with those gremlings and their useless past flashbacks.

Cat some thoughts on those sleepless nights you are having.

In the past when this has happened to me I take a pencil and paper to bed with me. When I'm tossing and turning and churning the thoughts I switch on the light and just jot donw what I am thinking. I usually get some sleep this way even if I have to go through this routine several times in a night.

I've always done this. When H was at home I had to get up and go downstairs so I didn't disturb him so at least with him absent I can stay in my nice warm bed