Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis sgctxok....I'm listening.....

If you're done, I so understand.
As you're moving forward, be as open as you can.
I'll check in. If you need me, click 'notify moderator'.

Thanks sgct...I've been at this so long...with nothing. IMO, the M is dead. I've always said that I would leave the door open a crack. I have continued to try and give my W opportunities to open lines of communication. My W would have to make major changes..perhaps even move mountains, but, I wouldn't do anything else here that even FH would do....I would listen. A lot of listening...and then listen some more. FIB

My W was hysterical tonite....she doesn't want a divorce.

I faxed my complaint into my L today before this....36 items....9 type written pages.

I listened to her....I asked her HOW she could undo the complete destruction and hurt? I asked her HOW she could rebuild the bridges destroyed NOT only between MY family but the 'filtered truth' she gave to hers? I told her that this D was in HER hands now. I told her that I would not stop it.....but...I also told her that this could be a good test.

I told her she could read what I wrote...and curse me....hate me....become vindictive...and..this would be OK because it would get it moving along.

Or....she could read this....and look inward....and see the pain and hurt she caused everyone and perhaps...PERHAPS...use it to grow. I told her that, contradictory to what she said, I wrote this NOT TO HURT HER....but...to show how much SHE HURT ME. And I told her that most of my paragraphs ended 'and this caused me pain'.

The filing will go forward, but, now....my W must show me...ME...that she wants it, because, for ME to let HER back in..she must do what ALL OF YOU TOLD ME TO DO.....to make lasting changes.

I won't be hurt again.....and I will NOT be around for OM4.

She asked me to hug her...and I did...even tho' D is not over.

I'm listening now.....afterall, isn't that what DB'ing is all about?

Strength and Honor

And to quote bworl...and..to Jeff, Frank_d, ford 4kids FH, et al......I now declare that my self-blame is over....that I have mostly defeated the 'little boy' inside. I can hold my head and shoulders high...and I thank all of you and the friends I've met here on these boards....for that....because I stood not really for my M in the end, but I stood for MY SELF RESPECT and stayed strong for my kids. A great weight has been lifted today. You were all right...it WAS all about her.

God bless all of you.

I wish you the best. I'm praying for her.

How did your W respond?

What kills me is that I did NOTHING NOTHING like your wife or others wifes or other spouses, as most of the women on this board did nothing in the same or even remote area......

Yet......

It is what it is now. The divorce has been FINAL for 8 months. Nothing has changed in my heart. I don't even think nothing has changed in his, he's just working himself to death now.

I hate to see a marriage, a family torn apart. It is so painful. It might be more painful than her interludes were. There is a reason why she did those things ya know. She is not all there......she was not like this in the beginning right?

And just for the record, if you think she is thinking you are her meal ticket....maybe not. I think my H earns more or close to it than you FIB, I've become wealthier since the divorce. (ok make that when the house is sold but it's not up for sale) It means nothing.

You went through all that re-financing to save your home. For what? Did you save money or waste it?

I've always been leary of posting on your thread because of all the heavy hitters who post on it. All the BIG WORDS and QUOTES and heck,not to mention the movies I have not watched. It's a bit overwhelming. But for some reason, I felt today was a good day. I can't explain why, but perhaps after 2 years 4 months, if my x would drop me something....well.....

But yes, I've kinda sorta moved on. It's really hard tho. We still own our home, and he's not motivated or interested in selling it. So stuck I am.

If you feel that divorcing and moving on is what you need to do, then do it quickly and move on. Don't give your XWIFE NOTHING to hold onto. Don't drop a crumb, don't offer a hug, just do it and get it over with. As hard as this is for me to say to you FIB, don't make her suffer because of your suffering. Walk away and only look back for your children for awhile.

Give your children all the love.

Give your Xwife nothing to hold onto that you may oneday return.

Sounds off the chain huh? It is.

Jeanette

wondering where this fits?



FIB,

only death is final and even then....?!



that's what a "relationship" should be about

FIB, Jeanette, and everyone reading hang onto the good and let the hurt go.

God Bless

cire

Dang! I knew I was in over my head on this thread.

Where that came from Cire, is living in a world of perpetual waiting, wondering why oneday this, the next day that. If one TRULY has to divorce, then a clean cut is better than the jagged edges some of us are now dealing with. Divorce solves nothing, if you have even the remote thought of reconciliation. It is wasted time, money and feelings. I in no way am saying to FIB or anyone else they should divorce. I think I was more trying to express that if you are the one that chooses to go ahead and proceed with the divorce, then for awhile, while both parties are dealing with the agony of what just happened, should be still for awhile. I believe I said.....Walk away and only look back for your children for awhile. I did not say forever. Let the reality of what just happened sink in, get a grip, and if you feel that standing up once again is what you should do.....then DO IT! But then.....why have done it in the first place?? What did it solve??

I mentioned making her suffer because of what he said about making her realize the pain and suffering he went through. I don't think that is ever going to be possible. Her suffering and his are two very very different. Nonetheless, he chose to suffer in order to save his marriage. She will have to suffer to restore it or will she just have to suffer the divorce, then the chance of restoring it??

And thank you for quoting my signature line. I stand behind it 100%.

Like I said Cire.....off the chain, but then again, I do think differently.

Thank you Cire for the blessing. One cannot have too many.

Hugs

Jeanette

FIB...

I am still following although I don't get to come here often.

Actions speak louder than words.

Your W has a lot of work to do.

To prove she is worthy of you.

Yes, she needs to undo all that she did

But she can only do this when she understands, Why.

Without therapy, she will never understand the pain

She caused you, your kids, your family, her family

And now herself.

Don't stop the D, if that is how you feel

However, be there to listen and understand.

If she is true to you, you will know it.

You have been at this long enough

Only you will know if this is for real.

Strength and Honour, my friend.

Hugs,
ISLH