Work is moving along. LOTS of stuff to learn in training. Oh my gosh!!! But it is good.
My L called to tell me that we have a court date for oral arguments in the jurisdiction of the D. She said she talked to STBX's L and was told that his L tried to get STBX to explain why he is fighting jurisdiction so hard. He wouldn't say. Even STBX's L thinks jurisdiction will end up here in AZ. But I have to wait for the judge to decide, so you never know.
Well, tomorrow morning my babies are flying with their uncle to Jersey to visit their dad. I will miss them so much!!
Going Solo, I'm glad you are settled in MN. Hope the new job is going well!!
Thanks, Kiki, Liss and Mrs.
Well, I sure didn't have to wait long for drama this weekend.
I was lying down trying to get a nap b/f heading out with my gf's last night when D9 called.... I talked to her for a minute or so then she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she said she can't do it, she can't stay there, she's not used to being so far away from home. The bed they were going to sleep in was too small for STBX to sleep with them and he wasn't even on the same level of the house, that she didn't want to go downstairs with everyone else...
I told her to calm down, that she could do it that she only had two more days and then she would be coming home. I asked if ow's kids were there, she said yes. I told her to go find them and play with them and her sister. She said she couldn't do that, that ow kids are 5th grade, 8th grade and H.S. I told her to play with the 5th grader and her sister. She said no. I told her to breathe deep and read her book in her room until she could calm down, that her dad is there and she will be fine.
And in walks STBX & ow. OMG you would think that I am EVIL.
STBX gets on the phone and asks what is going on.
I try to explain to him and as I am doing so I her ow say to D9 "what's the matter honey? You were having such a good time."
D9 is crying hysterically and I can't understand what she said. Then D9 busts out with the I DON'T LIKE MY DAD!! I THINK HE'S A JERK!!
I am still on the phone with STBX and say to him "OMG I'm so sorry she said that"
Then ow says (nicely I will say) "why do you think your dad is a jerk?"
D9 "BECAUSE HE LEFT MY MOM AND MY MOM IS A NICE PERSON!"
ow says "Well you mom left your dad too. He is your dad and you ARE going to like him"
ThenI yelled at STBX to "tell that woman NOT TO LIE ABOUT ME TO MY KIDS"
It went downhill from there. D9 ran down stairs and STBX got off the phone to go find her. I called back a couple minutes later and told him that they are not to lie to my kids about me. Ow is in the background saying to tell me that this is not about me, that I try to make it about me and to hang up the phone and he will call me back.
I am fuming so I get off the phone, and take a shower, start to get ready. He never calls back. So I called.
M: I'm just calling to check on D9, how is she?
H: She's fine now. I don't know what you say to her but she is always fine until she talks to you. I don't know what you say about me but she doesn't understand the dynamics of what happened in our R. (the ENITRE time ow is yabbering in the background with things for him to say to me, so much so that I can barely understand him) That he doesn't know what I say to my friends or sister when D9 is around...
I told him to tell her to shut her mouth that this is between him and me and NOT her or go in a different room that he and I need to talk about this. That I don't say ANYTHING to D9 about our R. That I don't talk about him to anyone when she is around. That he needs to understand that I am his biggest advocate in his R with D9.
Ow is in the background saying that she is invovled in this that she is going to LOVE those girls like her own blah, blah, blah.
I told STBX to that I appreciate that but this does NOT concern HER.
STBX then tells me that he wants to enjoy the 3 days with his kids and I'm not to call that he will send me a TM and let me know how they are. I told him that I have every right to say goodnight to my kids. That I have NEVER banned him from calling my housse and that I encourage the kids to call him. He was quiet then and said that I could call to say goodnight. He would go get them so that I could. I got to seriously say goodnight and that was it he hung up.
I swear I HATE this. I would not wish this on anyone.
Cinders I did go out last night and had a GREAT time with my girlfriends. We had some drinks, listened to music and danced the night away. Got home at 3:00 this morning...I'm so tired.
One of my gf's has a friend that sings in a band. After we went to the one Country bar we hit the place he sings. Loads of fun. One of the guys that is in the band had his brother there. We were chatting with him and he said he had just turned 26. We started laughing because my friends and I MET when this guy was 2 YRS OLD!!!
Hope you are doing well Cinders. I need to find your thread and catch up.
I went back and read what I posted. Reality was MUCH worse than what it sounds like. It was AWFUL and beyond. I was shaking and so angry, hurt and sad.
I am worried about D9. She has such an anger issue. I need to get her to a C but I need to get insurance to cover it and STBX STILL has no job and my job doesn't have benefits yet. Also, D9 yells at me that she isn't going to a C that she doesn't like them and she doesn't like to talk to people about her feelings. That I am the only person she trusts. I have explained to her that she IS going to go that a C is trained properly in how to help her understand her feelings and work through or deal with them.
Honestly, I was so upset that I have gone over and over in my mind what I could have said that would cause this reaction. I can't come up with anything. I have ALWAYS supported D9's R with her dad. I tell her that she may not agree with his choices and that is okay, she has a right to feel however she feels but that she will treat him with respect.
When she starts in with the I hate my dad and things I tell her that she and I both know that she doesn't hate her dad, that infact she loves him. That perhaps she hates the situation, and she agrees.
I don't know why it is that she acts like she has (and probably does have) a great time with STBX and ow while she is with them and them does a 180 when she is with me or talks to me. I can only guess that maybe she is feeling disloyal to me when she is having fun with them. Even though I have told her again and again that it is okay to like ow and that I want her to enjoy the time with her dad. I just realized the disloyal thing this morning (yes, I'm a little slow... ) I thought about texting STBX that but I think it might be better if I just leave well enough alone.
This was on my mind the whole time I was out last night. I had considered not going at all. But it was better for me to have a distraction than to sit and brood over it all night long.
I have been at the a LOOOOOOONG time. Not that it makes it better, but you just kind of get used to it. Well, as much as you can.
