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Grid,

Called D25's house and talked to D about 8:30, W asleep already, has to go to work at 4AM. Told D 25 to remind W of dinner. Yes I make stuffing, not packaged junk, really mash the taters, and of course giblet gravy. Got a 23lb bird for about 10 people, so plenty of left overs.

I didn't mean H gave gifts out of guilt or embarrassment, but is staying on "his safe little island" from the guilt. I would thank him for his gift. W told me I didn't have to get her a gift on Christmas eve, told her I wanted to. That it honors the years she was my W and the mother of my children, that if we D I will still get her birthday, mothers day and Christmas gifts. She on the other hand didn't give me a birthday or Christmas gifts.

Wait till you're in a better mood to thank him for the gift. Like i said it's a way of staying connected. I hope when my W looks at the pics on her digital pic frame, she will start to remember the good times we had together, not focus on the bad. She already commented on one pic. Our first family vaca was to a place called Indiana Dunes. D19 was about 21/2yo. She was sitting under the bathroom vanity, she wanted to sleep there, thought it was cool.

Mike

HI Mike,
boy that T bird sounds awful good even after my full dinner tonight. mmmmmm
H just keeps me upset most of the time and the idea of DR is not to be in that frame of mind. Just when I start myself off in the right direction and emotions under control, oops up pops H and I am a wreck again. lol from reading these boards appears the train wreck mode is how almost all of the W react to their WAH when H suddenly reappears that is. Funny guys aren't quite that way. HMMMM, interesting now is that??
Find it so upsetting what he does and have not found anyone else posting with a similar problem. So I keep putting feelers out with hope someone else is going through this same cycle, here I am, gone again, plus the little gift game stuff that is going on.
LOL, who knows, maybe OW did lend him some money, which went for my gift. that would be a hoot wouldn't it. I do believe your W is starting to question all the choices she has made. I know she must love the christmas gift even if she doesn't say so. You wait in time she will be talking about the photos you put together for her. I am sorry she didn't get you anything. would have ment a lot to you, I know. Couldn't bring myself to buy anything for H, mean in a way. I just was writing in my journal all of the feelings I have been going through and how much is tied to him or rather lack of.
Telling W you will always give her a card, gift, etc. in honor of being your kids mom, W & etc. that is very thoughtful and kind of you. If you remember pick up a copy of the second book I am reading, left title on my last post believe???. Results from the various experiments the author lays out in the book are quite interesting to say the least.

lol, ok, Mike your correct I will wait till my foul mood passes and then thank H for his Christmas gift. Strange way to stay connected that is for sure. Open mail box and surprise a gift for you and guess from who?. Not a word, no note, no comment. very strange!
Well at least this evening had a chance to meet friends and go out to dinner. Change of scene and faces with abit of good conversation and glass of wine made for a very nice evening.
BTW, have I mentioned the letter send to H every Weds????
Have you ever read or heard of the novel, Wed's letter, by Wright??? My letter is a copy of the theme for the novel. Some times seems as if positive words are working but then nothing happens beyond words.
have to run and read a few other posts. later
grid, lost

I am thinking of just sending H a thank you note through snail mail and not calling him about the gift.
Do not really want to talk to him about it. IF he can't even send a note, etc. why talk to him
Thoughts, think this is ok if I just send a thank you note?

Grid,

I think a thank you note would be OK.

I don't know about guys aren't affected after seeing their W's. I seem to get depressed and think about our sitch for a day or two after seeing W. Maybe we're better at hiding our emotions and not letting them show. I see were the call it a roller coaster ride, lots of ups and downs.

It's great you had a good time at dinner with friends, just one glass of wine? You had told me about you're Weds letters, I had thought about doing that also, it would be a reminder of all the good times we shared.

It would be a kick in the pants if H had to borrow money from OW to buy you your gift, think it might cause a little friction? I know I would be upset if W borrowed money from me for present for OM, I don't think there is a OM. It would be like I bought it for him. How much does a lump of coal cost, LOL.

Mike

Grid,

Going to best friends house for NYE tonight, W will be there. She and my friends are best friends also. They didn't know each other before we started dating. He is having problems in his M also. She's been depressed since her mother died suddenly 4 years ago. Dr gave her anti-dep meds but she won't take them. S25 doesn't have plans he might go with me. If he does dad might cut loose. They live about 30 min away, got to be careful with DUI. Going to make some nacho cheese dip, got the recipe from Chi's Chi's. Everyone loves it.

Hope you have some friends to spend NYE with tonight. Maybe 2008 will turn our S's around.

Mike

<Going to make some nacho cheese dip, got the recipe from Chi's Chi's. Everyone loves it. >

Happy New Year, Mike

You really enjoy cooking don't you??? MMMMMM love nachos and cheese dip. How you come by a Chi's dip recipe?
sounds good.

Well I ended up thanking H on telphone for gift. Am thinking of again asking him not to send me gifts. It has been well over 1 yr since he left, I am quite sure part of the gift deal is so "all three of us" can be friends. Last, my own well being, I have to stop this hemoraging (sp) of pain and every time H sends a gift all starts over again. he needs to acknowledge his choice of interacting with me is causing to much pain and not fair to me. Guess for DR I am not suppose to be looking at things that way. On other hand have to protect myself too.

So how was your New Year's Eve?????
I stayed home although had some family call to wish me happy new year. Had two glasses of wine, watched the crystal ball in NYC fall and went to bed. Here we are another Year. Wow where do they go to???
later,
grid

Mike
for got to mention I am still working on the latest book I've posted on. Still doing the exercises in book. Once finish that I am going to go back to DR and set new goals. Start measuring my results.
Last ones did n't go so well. lol
grid, lost

Grid,

Got Chi Chi's nacho recipe from a cook at Chi Chi's. He told me what was in it, but couldn't give me the measurements of ingredients, Just kept adding till it tasted right. Dip was a hit, friends SIL loved it, asked for recipe. I had about two drinks myself last night, had to watch it had to drive home last night. Friends tried to get me to drink more, said I could spend the night but I had to get home to make turkey dinner for all the kids. Left their house at 3AM. I don't mind cooking at all, I hate the cleaning up LOL.

I don't know about not accepting gifts from H, it's his way of staying connected with you. Have you given H a gift? Maybe that would be a sign to him that you are interested in connecting with him, that might bring him closer to starting a R with you.

I am finishing the 5LL's I think I will reread DR and rest some goals myself.

Last night at friends house , W would stand near me at times. I'm not going to try to read a lot into it but i would be talking to someone and she'd come over to stand near me. Caught her looking at me, I was laughing and having a great time. I even gave her a wink once! Got a hug and gave her a kiss on thew cheek at midnight. When I went to leave she got up came to me and I got another hug. Told her in her ear I've really missed her, pulled away after I gave her a peck on the lips. Talked to her best friend before leaving, she asked me about if I was going through depression, told her yes. I said I pray to God W changes her mind, Told her about the R books I've read and see the mistakes I've made and the changes I need to make.

Called my kids after midnight. @ of the four were trashed! S25 had to drive home so he was OK, D24 was tending bar at a party hall with her BF, so she wasn't drinking.

Got to go S26 just got here.

Mike

spoke with H today, several times in fact. He seemed in a fairly good mood. Kept the mouth shut about gift issue and let it all go. I'll trust you on this one Mike and not stop him. When I was walking the dog last evening kept rolling it all over and over in my mind. MMMMMMMMM....giving him a gift is an idea. His Birthday is in a couple weeks and I do have a couple Harley bike accessors for his bike. could wrap them up or at wrap at least one up for him. I don't know if he would see that as pushing him to change???? Have to take some time and think about it. H is coming up on 17th for sure. Need him when I go to appointment with another insurance dr. Always like a witness present. So might give him the gift and tell him not to open till B day. No to far from B day. have to give it all thought


Something is going on with your W. NO doubt about it. Keep DB or DR which ever you are reading. W way to friendly and connecting with you to be Nothing. WOW. Especially if she went to effort to come over to door when you were leaving......by any chance notice what sorta look she had on her face after the peck kiss at the door? Keep working Mike she just might give all of this another chance or at least stop the divorce. I'll pray for you.
What sort of thoughts did her best friend have to give? Of course your W would know two of you'd talk. So maybe W is going to use Best Friend to get a bit of feed back. Wonder why friend ask if you were depressed? lol Have you changed that much. lol do you think friend was surprised to learn of all reading, etc. you have been up to??? Regardless of W, I beleive you are making noticeable changes at least to those who know you. Everyone should be entitled to a second chance for heaven sakes. Guess our Ss felt they were giving us second chances, we just failed at mind reading. lol
H seems to make an effort to keep me posted on B&W cat. Wonder if he isn't using B&W as a reason, may not even be aware of it himself. I know one thing if H and i were to ever try and recover R. We would have to go to C. H has to learn i can't read his mind and I need to find better communication means as well. Maybe I'm at fault for the very same thing, as appears to H, who knows.???..
Well it is near zero and I just have realized I am out of dog food!!!!!!!! All the dogs are starting to head bunt me to say will you come on and feed us. Want to cry.

Oh yes, to be young age, just for a short while. lol
grid, lost

spoke with H today, several times in fact. He seemed in a fairly good mood. Kept the mouth shut about gift issue and let it all go. I'll trust you on this one Mike and not stop him. When I was walking the dog last evening kept rolling it all over and over in my mind. MMMMMMMMM....giving him a gift is an idea. His Birthday is in a couple weeks and I do have a couple Harley bike accessors for his bike. could wrap them up or at wrap at least one up for him. I don't know if he would see that as pushing him to change???? Have to take some time and think about it. H is coming up on 17th for sure. Need him when I go to appointment with another insurance dr. Always like a witness present. So might give him the gift and tell him not to open till B day. No to far from B day. have to give it all thought


Something is going on with your W. NO doubt about it. Keep DB or DR which ever you are reading. W way to friendly and connecting with you to be Nothing. WOW. Especially if she went to effort to come over to door when you were leaving......by any chance notice what sorta look she had on her face after the peck kiss at the door? Keep working Mike she just might give all of this another chance or at least stop the divorce. I'll pray for you.
What sort of thoughts did her best friend have to give? Of course your W would know two of you'd talk. So maybe W is going to use Best Friend to get a bit of feed back. Wonder why friend ask if you were depressed? lol Have you changed that much. lol do you think friend was surprised to learn of all reading, etc. you have been up to??? Regardless of W, I beleive you are making noticeable changes at least to those who know you. Everyone should be entitled to a second chance for heaven sakes. Guess our Ss felt they were giving us second chances, we just failed at mind reading. lol
H seems to make an effort to keep me posted on B&W cat. Wonder if he isn't using B&W as a reason, may not even be aware of it himself. I know one thing if H and i were to ever try and recover R. We would have to go to C. H has to learn i can't read his mind and I need to find better communication means as well. Maybe I'm at fault for the very same thing, as appears to H, who knows.???..
Well it is near zero and I just have realized I am out of dog food!!!!!!!! All the dogs are starting to head bunt me to say will you come on and feed us. Want to cry.

Oh yes, to be young age, just for a short while. lol
grid, lost