He is doing what his father did..following the script of his childhood;;his father left and hardly ever saw kids again
I find this so interesting. I seriously wonder if there is something genetic (hormonal) or is this just learned behavior. My H's parents split when their kids left for college too. Some people learn from their parents mistakes and others seem to follow in their footsteps.
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went to C she is helping me finish the grief work I am stuck 3/4 way Hardest for me to give up the idea of our family -the 4 of us now it is 3 of us -but it is healthier than before I need to finish processing this loss, so I will know what to do next
Wow...my C doesn't talk about anything like this. I go and talk about H and then we just talk about what he is going through. Then he makes a suggestion on trying to get my H to move forward. I am wondering why I still go to him. Your C sounds like she is really working with you...I feel like my C is helping me understand my H and then trying to work on my H through me...if that makes sense. I like the way your C is working with you.
Quote: He is doing what his father did..following the script of his childhood;;his father left and hardly ever saw kids again I find this so interesting. I seriously wonder if there is something genetic (hormonal) or is this just learned behavior. My H's parents split when their kids left for college too. Some people learn from their parents mistakes and others seem to follow in their footsteps.
Maybe this is why my H won't leave. His parents were together until the end. In fact my FIL literally died of a broken heart 15 months after my MIL passed away.
Nature Girl M 40 H 40 M 15, T 19 D11 S9 bomb 3/07 (MOW)
Help H here tonight..we talked..he fixed stuff..brought us water like 8 cases and gave me money..we starred at eashother a few times I still feel it I love him im attracted to him(dont know why!) and I sense he feels it too.. but I get home D12 says daddy said he doesnt love you anymore apparently she asked him during a valentines day commercial D12 asked So are you getting D he said Maybe so he thought about it he aslo told d12 hes NOT coming Back! last time H said Ill never D I love mom but she doesnt love me..about 6 weeks ago.. i dont want to candy coat it though b/c maybe I am so wasting my time waiting.. It doesnt look like the end result here in my sitch will be reconciliation and why are my senses so wrong when I feel he loves me and is staring at me and is coming here to visit kids and still see me and connect..how can I be so off I do yoga and meditate daily..I feel in tune with my intuition and am sometimes right.. I have a good sense about people..why cant I feel i--t everything he says like he doesnt love me I think im in denial Like I know he doesnt live here anymore and chooses to not be here im in denial..I dont get it..sorry I just dont or maybe there is part of me thaty so doenst want this so I tell myself he will return...H is following his dad and I dont see that changing help please peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Hi peace- Sorry I missed your call. I will try to call you in the morning.
In the meantime, I want to tell you that I know this is frustrating, upsetting, hurtful, etc...but you can't listen to what he says...Do you really think he understands what it is he is feeling right now? How can he explain it to anyone else?Trust me...I know what you feel...but are you really ready to give up? Remember what you told me (16-24 mos.)...you can do it...I think you need to give this more time to know that you gave it your all.
just meditated still upset about H conversation with D last night he said he didnt love mommy anymore to her Sometimes I feel hope then this happens to again remind me where h is at he is still very sure of his decision..I knew that anyway, but I forget am I wasting my time here I want to just let go I know its not time my message is to wait with no guarantees and trust the outcome will be for the best prace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Are you ok? I'm so sorry about how you must be feeling. I've been there too. Whether or not we should believe what they're saying - I don't know. Do we trust our gut or is the person we married and think we still know completely gone?
My H is also following in his dad's footsteps. Makes me want to just smack him upside the head.
Listen to what Upside says. Hang in there and give it some more time. The great thing is that you really don't have to do anything at all. Just live your life and deal with H if and when he's ever willing to work on your M again. We're right here with you.
*Also - I would think that any sane person going about this the right way would say something to their children like 'I'll always love mommy, just not the same' instead of saying he doesn't love you anymore. Who's he trying to convince?
Peace, You are not wasting your time. You know the deal..It is going to be up and down. They ALL do things that we cannot understand but I don't think we are supposed to.
Whatever the outcome is, it is for the best. You will see. You are moving forward.
