Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis might have made a mistake

Really struggling today after the decent weekend. I keep feeling that when we have good times she works to push them back. More of "our taxes" for this current year. Maybe I'm wanting too much too soon... maybe she feels pressure eevn though I have not given her any... I guess I always feel this way when I leave them to come back to work. I don't want to go. I asked about coming back a day earlier then planned for s b-day, she said she would think about it. I just wanted an OK, but she could have said no I guess.

I feel in my heart that it is over, but there still seems to be some doubt in her mind. When we are together, aside from the few laughs, there is just no sense of intimacy between us.

Everything you want, if it comes to pass, will take time to build.

Ever build a model? Ever build anything?
Slow and steady builds the stronger and more attractive structure.

Her doubt is your ally.
Her confusion is your friend. It is hard to see that that, harder to believe that.
Her heart is not set in stone.

Do not be needy, do not appear needy.
Her: "I need to think about it." is the equivilant to the parent's: "Maybe." At least in my case.

Thanks. I have built models and as always you are right! I have totally left needy behind. I asked the question about coming early and have left it at that, no follow up questions or pleading.

It's harder after a decent time. ithink without realizing it (initially) we start to expect that they well do or be X. Then we thnk, oh yeah, that isn't going to happen (or at least not now).

I used to build models and I really like the analogy. Building anything takes patience and skill (and the patience to learn the skills).

I know what you mean about the sense of intimacy. Here is someone you've shared so much with and yet I feel more connected to some strangers at this point.

On the upside she didn't say no...

Thanks Grace. There seems to be a fair amount of baby steps so I'm just working on myself in terms of keeping zero expectations and not making any R remarks.

I'm guessing that W has had a session with C sense our family trip. The coldness continues. It is a trend both when there are positive signs and when she sees C.

Going dim/dark...

I hate the darkness! But I have to try and be strong. Last night I asked her about a big work project and she said "I don't want to talk about it with you." This is such a departure from the mostly positive weekend where she was sharing about work...

All the darkness in the universe alone cannot extinguish a candle's light.

So what was different about last night? Trace back to the difference in her mood.

I can't figure that out - the only thing I know is that I am gone. The long weekend went better than expected, I offered to take her to work Monday so I could od some errands and she agreed. I've not done anything differently -- no R talk, no ILY, no pressure of any sort.

As soon as I got back to where I'm living her attitude with me headed south. Last night was more of the same. I don't know if she saw C, but I'm betting she did. She always seems to have a spell after these sessions where she "remembers" that I am to blame for everything she doesn't like in her life and is seemingly encouraged to strike out on her own.

I've always kind of been the person in her life who she has felt conmfortable sharing her bad moods, so I guess I might just be reapnig what I have sowed. It's OK to be rude and short with me, I always take it.

the days roll on... it's been a little better since yesterday morning. It just feels so hopeless. I was trying not to highten my expectations after the family trip but it happened anyway. Now everything seems so hopeless. I think she is getting acclimated to the separate lives, but has not mentioned D. I can't have a long term marriage in different states. What's the point of that? Why won't she just end it?