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Do you think he is testing you to see what your reaction is?

The best of both worlds...

Do you think he is testing you to see what your reaction is?

No I really don't. I think he wants me to move on so my being alone doesn't cause him anymore guilt.

Hope,

I wonder what will happen when you do move on and are in this truly great relationship with some hottie from upstate and your STBXH finds that instead of feeling better or freed of his guilt, he feels like CRAP. Hmmmmmm wonder what then?

He feels so bad right now, he is willing to try anything to feel better. Including, throwing away the best thing that ever happened to him. And, somehow in this state that he's in, he thinks his guilt will disappear when you have someone new. Twisted. And sad.

But, you know what? You have no control over it or him.

I'd really like to see you hook up with that hottie, anyway. When you're ready. You so deserve it.

Hugs,

Spitty

lol, spitty.
It seems like all the hotties are either major jerks or taken.
A shame, isn't it?
H emailed to tell me puppy will be living w/him in the house he bought. He's moving in next week. It is 5 min. from where we used to live. Not as big, but it's in a very nice area. I am trying to tell myself it is best for puppy to go, because he will have a backyard again, and be able to go to the park where we used to take him, to play. But I feel like this is it; H is going to take him to live with him and I'm going to have to say goodbye and let them both settle into their new lives.

Hope you may well be right but what I see is that you both look upon your pets as your children. FWIW I think he will continue to use puppy as a link as those of us who have children do. What I don't think he has factored in is that you may not choose to maintain that link (as you undoubtedly would if it were a child). Like everyone else here I'm right behind you whatever you decide.

Hope, I ditto what Allison said. ((((((hugs))))))

Thank you. It's hard to explain; some days I want back what we had, even though that seems very unlikely. Other days I so badly want to move onto something better, less complicated, non-dramatic.
A few years ago knowing I would be seeing him would cause me to make sure I looked perfect, filled up the fridge with all his favorite things, and catered to his needs. Now, I know it's better to not play the Stepford wife role; that doesn't work, anyway.
My H alluded to the fact that a lot of what he told me about ow and him was not true; that he had tried to make it sound "bad" so I would "run", as he put it. I am not entirely sure what specifically he made up, but it hurts me that he took the chance that telling me the most painful stories wouldn't push me over the edge. Furthermore, I was so emotionally upset I got sick from a lot of what I thought was going on. It's amazing how your thoughts and feelings can disrupt your body. And I am angry that his lying put me through so much.

Hope I can empathise with what you said in your last post b/c I suspect my H is doing the same. Unlike you I don't have the 'proof' but I think the one things our WAS forgets is that when you have lived with someone for the best part of 20years that just b/c you are apart you don't stop knowing how they think and feel. Admittedly it gets harder as the length of separation goes on but I don't think that kind of intuition ever goes away completely.

It's important that you realize this. It's what he was telling you in the letters. This was about him, not you. I have seen you, through the years, make everything perfect for a warm return home. So, you can see, that this is not you or what you did.

I never want to discourage anyone from standing. It's good to do things to make home peaceful and nice. But, it's also important to be careful not to assume that it makes much of a difference, as we have had a few MLCers come back and tell us that in the thick of it, nothing we do really does and it's better to leave them alone.

So, the message is: look good for you. Do well in life for you. Be healthy for you. Work hard for you. Create peace for you.

That's all that matters in the end. That YOU come out of this sane.