I have been thinking a lot about what BAW has been saying. She is looking for attention and for me to be quiet, LRT, or whatever the past couple months has definitely not been working for me.
So, if its not working, change, correct it. I have decided to complement, touch a little, look her in the eye, start conversation, tell her I care, appreciate, etc. as much as possible the next two weeks. I figure I have two weeks of solid in her face attention until this hearing date. Then, if/when we split, she can really miss me.
I know this sort of goes against DB....but what I have been doing, even though not great DB, has not worked for me.
Then change it. That's more important than the technique. And there is never anything wrong with being nice -- complimenting, touching, talking, eye contact, thanking her for what she does. Too few people are willing to try it. A little bit of niceness goes a long way to build goodwill. I hope you get good results with the new method.
Been trying to be supportive but she's not too willing.
She went out last night with friends. Back to the social scene. I told her she looked amazing before she left. She grabbed a 5th of Vodka on the way out. That was reassuring.
She rolled in around 12:30.
This morning I asked her if she found the man of her dreams. She said yes, 3 of them. I know that's not good DB'ing and shows jealousy, but Its hard knowing your wife was out with three women trolling for talent all night.
I have been complementing, touching a bit, making as much eye contact as possible and thanking her. I have also been putting together a dictionary and highlighting everything in it that reminds me of her. I cant decide whether to give it to her or not. I'll keep working on it and then make a decision.
As for love languages, hers I'm pretty sure is Quality Time. Mine is Touch. However, I have no chance of getting quality time with her right now. Its pretty difficult and will be more difficult when we are living apart. Any suggestions?
Her friendliness is draining...she's becoming a bit more cold towards me everyday. And, I think we have a tough week coming up with legal stuff.
How do you seperate the legal from the relationship? She's not really willing to do any relationship stuff, so the legal side could be pretty damaging.
I just read your current updates, and I am glad that I could be of some help. Don't give up you can win her back if that is what you want...remember "nothing worth having comes easy."
If ur W is anything like me, her coldness that has been growing every day is her putting up a wall so she doesn't show you how much she is hurting. She probably feels like she has taken everything so far and her "friends" are probably behind her egging her on to keep going, that she most likely feels that she can't do anything else. She is turning off her feelings because it is easier to deal with what is going on..it is her own way of "as if".
I don't know what to tell you about the 5th of Vodka she took. She is starting to get distructive, and that is what happens when you feel like your entire life is falling apart. It is her escape from her reality right now.
Keep the faith, she will snap out of this....I am sorry I can't tell you when. I pray that she does soon so everything that has been destroyed in your relationship and your family can be restored.
B-
ME 34 H 33 Married 02/11/2006 1st bomb- 06/05/2006 final 01/07/2008
I'm in the same boat as you my friend. Try to focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. Be a rock for them. Be positive for them. You can get through this and you'll be a better person if you focus on finding what will make you happy.
I know how you feel about feeling rejected, I just had a wonderful weekend (can you hear the sarcasm?) with my H.
Regarding the other guys, I think it is just the attention she is after. She is seeking these specific guys because they are probably out of her league (didnt know how else to put it) and in her mind if she were to get their attention it would be a major ego boost for her. I have a question....who was she on the phone with when she made these comments? If it is one of her divorced friends, she is playing a part. They are encouraging her to be this way because misery loves company. They were unhappy in their marriages, so they don't want to see others make it. I think if you really want your marriage to work then you are going to have to go through this cycle with her. She will eventually realize that the attention she is getting from the other men is purely superficial and the partying will stop soon because even 20 yr olds can't keep up with that much drinking and so many late nights.
One bit of advice I will give you....document the heck out of everything she is doing. You might need it when different court dates arrive. The one on the 13th is going to hurt, but you might use her partying and drinking as a way to stay in the house because you are the one that can be depended on. I know that is not what you want to hear or even do, but it might be your only option. It will tick her off and you need to be ready for that, but it will maybe also start the thinking process that the drinking/partying is going to change her life drastically.
Regarding the dictionary, give it to her. Make it special for her and just show her how much you desire her and love her....I think it is a great idea!
B
ME 34 H 33 Married 02/11/2006 1st bomb- 06/05/2006 final 01/07/2008
I got the "it doesn't matter" regarding LL book...
and...a little R talk this morning."I'm not in love, its been that way for a long time. I am following my heart. I don't see how my feelings could change. our M was never really what I wanted"
I am so sorry you had to hear that. Did she say what she did want from a marriage? She should be thankful for your marriage, you have two beautiful children from it. She is just being spiteful and I am sorry. Let her be for now, still compliment her, but don't do anything husbandly for a couple of days...let her see what life would be like without you taking care of her. Like I said in an earlier message to you, right now you are there and she knows it, and it is a comfort/sense of security in the back of her mind (even though she thinks she doesn't want you there), once you aren't there, she will realize how much she depended on you. I was that way with my 2nd H, even though he was abusive, when he was gone I saw how much he took cafe of for me. That comfort was gone.
Keep the faith- I am praying for you!!!
B
ME 34 H 33 Married 02/11/2006 1st bomb- 06/05/2006 final 01/07/2008
