Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I need some legal help....

O.K.

That's what I'll do.

But how in the heck are things ever going to get to reconciliation if he has this big chip on his shoulder?

I'm being as quiet as I can be and he doesn't see it.

More MLC behaviour?

Will he ever see that it was his decision and not mine to be aweful?

I know,I know, christal ball is out getting shined up right now......

This sure cuts deep....

E

I don't post in MLC often but yours caught my attention for some reason...



I wouldn't tell him anything. Did he get your "ok" before going to his L with the financials??

As for the second part of it.. sad reality of D is unfortunately this probably won't be possible. You're taking one household and having to support two households with the same income.

I don't know how it works in Canada, but here (California, US) the amount of the bills is not what matters, it's the amount of INCOME that matters. They calculate any spousal support based on that (plus a few other factors, but that's the main one). I believe child support is different and may depend a little bit more on the bills, but based on your kids' ages that's probably not a factor, right?



Protect yourself no matter what mood he is in.



Me too!! All the more reason to contact your L and at least find out what your rights are. She should be able to give you at least a quick summary of how the support laws work. It doesn't mean you're "going for the jugular" - just means you are being smart about things.

I found out my rights and discussed likely "sticking points" with the L, then came up with 3 scenarios:

1. Play hardball - fight for everything I could possibly be entitled to legally.
2. Bare minimum, if all the "questionable" items went in H's favor. (partly so I know, and partly so I can see if/where I'm being a pushover!)
3. A fair middle ground.

If it comes to a D... I would look for each of us to come up with our "initial" proposal, and mine would be somewhat close to scenario #1. With the knowledge that it would all be a negotiation, I'd cave on some of the points in scenario #2, "giving" those questionable items to H.. and my ultimate goal would be to end up right around scenario #3.

Being informed doesn't mean you're turning things ugly..

Hey, E! As long as the chip is on his shoulder, things are not going to be pretty. You didn't put the chip there, and it isn't your responsibility to dance around it! Sadly, to get through this, you need to look out for you. He will be looking out for him, you don't have to do that. If things start to get better, he will know that you just did what you had to do, he'll understand, I think.

I'd still talk to your L... but here's a calculator I found:
http://www.bcfamilylawresource.com/05/0512body.htm

It assumes there's also child support so not sure HOW close it is, but at least it'll give you some kind of ballpark info.

NikB

Your scenarios gave me some good jumping off points I will write these down and when I have my app't I will ask.

That is true that he hasn't asked me abbout anything since the beginning of this year.

He has also opened up his own checking account. Never had one in 25 years by himself. That hurt too.

I checked out the website and the amount he has to pay me is nothing to be so miserable about...

....unless this is the lower end of the spectrum

thanks for the information.

I checked out your thread and it was nice to put a face to the name
E

Jeff

You are right . I didn't put us in this position and I don't want to be here even now.

He is an angry, depressed, lonely but not alone guy.

My heart breaks for him and yet my friends here are right...it's not my battle to fight for his battles.

E

ebl, I checked out the website and it is for BC - is that where you are in Canada?

no actually I'm in Ontario

In my financial statement i'm to write down exactly what I spend.

Right down to what I pay for pet bills and lawyer bills.

I'm also to put dowm what expenses are incured because of the house and what H pays and I pay.

It is 22 pages long. asking very specific questions

E

Nothing wrong with playing straight, just don't cheat yourself. And don't be afraid to call out inaccuracies, if that time comes.

(((((E)))))