Lil You don't owe it to BB to sit in the leaky boat with her while it sinks. [b] I didn’t want ( our R) to make the leaks bigger, but felt that not going was more of a disservice to the family and GKs.
LS [b] life is too short. Zackly!
Lil I didn't know ANY of my four grandparents I met both of my GF’s a couple of times. Their W were already dead.
My dad and his dad didn’t visit each other for several years because of some money/rent/ my parents owed his dad.
One day dad’s dad and mother decided it was time to see my dad/mother/GKs. On the way there dad’s dad pulled out in front of a car at an intersection. There was a collision and dad’s mother was killed. This happened before I was born, maybe 1935~9ish. I always remember that when someone in the family gets miffed. At the age of 5 when I heard the story, I knew what I would have done. I wouldn’t have let it get that bad.
BB is absolutely full of cr@p on this point. So, is this a Charmin moment. Bad joke maybe?
Mrs. Cac but I didn't out of loyalty to my mother. I picked sides. I would like to be more loyal to BB but I an not willing to pick sides because it is the adults that have issues, not the GK
Mrs. Cac, if you had it to do over, would you have visited your GM?.
I think one can have a R with someone and not rub it in with the opposing parties. No hiding anything but keeping a low profile is the way I do things.
BB said I don't support her but in this case the more important thing is not to abandon the GKs.
Lil I think you'd have a lot more energy, Lou, if you'd just drop the rope.
All this M, R, and family cr@p is a big distraction to work and enjoying life. I feel like some of the things are happening to me as Hairdog before he started talking about ADD.
One day dad’s dad and mother decided it was time to see my dad/mother/GKs. On the way there dad’s dad pulled out in front of a car at an intersection. There was a collision and dad’s mother was killed. This happened before I was born, maybe 1935~9ish. I always remember that when someone in the family gets miffed. At the age of 5 when I heard the story, I knew what I would have done. I wouldn’t have let it get that bad.
Oh God, Lou, what a sad story... I'm so sorry.
At the age of FIVE, you were smarter than BB is now. Think about it.
You certainly aren't obliged to "support" HER by doing something that goes against your values, conscience, and judgment. If you wanted to go to church and she was against it, and said that by going against her wishes you weren't supporting her, would you buy that. What if she said she didn't want you to vote, and that by voting, you weren't supporting her?
She probably wants you to "support" her in this position about visiting because she knows she's all wet and that she's all alone in this position.
Lil Oh God, Lou, what a sad story... I'm so sorry.
Thanks Lil.
I was on my own or ignored most of the time till my mother met my step-dad, so was never really close to anyone but my mother. When I got older, I was closer to my brother but I lived with him he was also a father/big brother figure. People in his family were foster kids that came and went. I suppose lack of attachment or being a lost child comes to mind. I know I can be too attached at other times.
No, I wouldn't vote or not vote based on BB's opinion. I would see if what she said was valid but would vote who I thought was best for the job.
The church thing isn't about faith beliefs so much. Maybe when we die, that is it. I certainly have been exposed to some serious differences of opinion, too many for it all to make sense.
So many guys did the work to have the SB party. I am friendly with a couple of guys that are doers, get things done, I thought they deserve my support.
Re BB, I know support sometimes do/think my way, even if it is different, right, or wrong.
Hmmmm, lets see. D and SIL are having marital and financial problems, raising a family, and planning a move, while you and BB are semi-retired.
But the only possible explanation for why you contact them more than the other way around is because they don't want you around. Yeah, that makes sense. Somewhere. I wonder what color the sky is there.
If she's going to be a recluse wrapped up in her animals, I really don't see any way to stop her. Do your own thing and maybe she'll see you having fun and want to join in. Trying to convince her to get out of her shell just makes her more determined to keep you from being right because that would make her wrong.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
CE Somewhere. I wonder what color the sky is there. Sort of tan, pinkish because the moon is close. Here is a picture I snapped, back 30+ years ago. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Tatooine.jpg
Trying to convince her to get out of her shell just makes her more determined to keep you from being right because that would make her wrong. I am wrong most of the time :serious eye roll: not..
Lou, the only problem I see with you is that you even had to ASK us who was the crazy one. That is the problem with living too long with someone crazy. I know, I lived* too long with an alcoholic - they are very good at twisting things around so their crazy world-view is right and your sane look at life is wrong. If that doesn't make you wind up crazy I don't know what does.
* the past tense is due to the fact he has stopped drinking, not that we don't live together anymore.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Fran I agree with your the problem with living too long with someone crazy ( and in my case, different POV ) does make for some decisions I wouldn’t make on my own or me going along with the OP’s POV that isn’t normally my MO.
BB is big on the message in the “Co-Dependent No More“ books, and to a point where she sees some thing I call co operation, she sees those things as dysfunctional.
One of BB’s long standing complaints about me, is I see the OP POV quicker/more often than hers because I don’t see I am slightly needy, or I want to keep things going smoothly when someone is acting selfish or like a jerk.
Sometimes when I do speak up against something someone did that is jerkish, BB tells me I am trying to control OP. I know I can’t do things to her approval or standards so mostly go the conservative route when something isn’t socially appropriate.
My main question was about when to support something I don’t agree with and how far I need to go if my opinion differences from BB.
What I have done in the past is to see/visit/talk to the people BB has issues with, and just keep mostly quiet about what I do or don’t do. I don’t try to cover up anything with fabrications/made up tales. I also feel that not telling all is sometimes a bit dishonest but I am not about to rub salt in BB’s wound.
In response to MoJo’s post on Mrs. Cac’s thread, and the question :“why do you want to have sex with someone that doesn’t want to have sex with you?”
If Cac suddenly became very LD you might find that your tolerance for smoke-smell sex would go up after a while without any sex. That's why it's so hard for HDfolk to recognize that they've started settling for crap sex. That mealy-bug infested oatmeal starts to taste pretty good after a month on the desert island. The answer, if we play by the rules and forsake all others, sometimes bug infested oatmeal is better than no oatmeal at all. Sometimes there are only a few bugs and other times the bugs are just too much to put up with.
Another case of doing something to get a little of something I want.
If BB is big on these books maybe it is because SHE is the co-de. She is projecting on to you Lou when she starts calling you controlling or needy. I know it is hard for us to get a true picture of anyone that is projected here through the lens of their SO but pretty much everything you have ever told us about what BB says and what she does shows someone controlling and needy to me.
Speaking up when someone is jerkish is not controlling. Saying that you should park in that spot rather than another spot is controlling. Saying you have to support her by not going round to see D and GKs is controlling. Leaving her at home while you go visit is not controlling.
Neediness is altering your behaviour to your own detriment in the belief it will make someone like you. Going to see someone whose company you enjoy is not needy.
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
A local store had this on their reader board by the street.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying 'No Hard Feelings ..
Fearless, any information about my Washing machine Model GHW9150POW?
I had 3 more F-11 error codes that happened during a spin cycle. I did the un-plugging and plug back in 30 min later to get the machine to advance through the washing clcle or to start a shorter cycle/rinse & drain.
