She told me that she's been angry with me because we didn't take a vacation while she was off.
Oh, that would have been smart to go on a vacation and spend more money during the time you were without her regular paycheck!!!!! Your wife thinks like my H
Matilda and Jak, I read an article online yesterday about financial conflict with couples. It said that the basic reason couples fight about money is that they are not on the same page--different priorities and goals.
The conflict management skills I'm practicing have me first listen to discover what's important to my W, rather than my opening line usually being "we can't afford it." I accept that she's angry with me about not taking an abrupt vacation, that I wasn't available to go on. I'm still not sure how we're going to pay for Puerto Rico, but I managed to slow the process down so that it's not an impulsive act. She still talks about Hawaii, but I told her I wouldn't be available until July for that.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, Thanks for asking. My W seems less anxious now that she's working again. She's making a respectable salary, and is back in the business world, though at a nonprofit. It seems like a good fit for her. It's a part-time job, so along with her cooking job she is able to keep some balance in her life. There is potential for the position to become full-time, so I've been helping my W make a decision.
She came back from her hair appointment, and told me that she and her hairdresser were talking about how they appreciate their H's more, the older they get. She is being nicer to me lately.
The only conflict lately has been minor. There is a person in the dance community who refuses to dance with my W, for some reason. My W rather than accepting it, confronted him. He held his ground and again refused to dance with her. She now wants me to boycott dancing with his partner.
I think this is unfair, however I do agree with my W that anyone in our community should never refuse a dance with someone, though certainly has the right to ask who they would like to dance with. I wrote her that I would continue to offer the partner a courtesy dance, and would not refuse her offers to dance. I don't see how putting more ill will out in the community is helpful.
I told her that I would begin to research a summer vacation--Puerto Rico or Hawaii. She had difficulty finding dinner companions at her Chicago dance convention trip. She was disappointed that her travel companion did not keep his commitment to venture into the city. Other people seemed to have their own agendas. This experience has helped her to appreciate me as a travel companion, and to realize that acquaintances are not the same as friends or spouses.
I tried sleeping in her room earlier this week, but was not able to fall asleep. Her sleep habits and routine are disruptive to me. She keeps lights shining throughout the room and house. She is not on a sleep schedule, so often is a night owl. I'm on a regular schedule, so sleep better in the guest room, with the door closed, and the room dark.
CL
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Matilda, My W was too pooped to go out last night--the excitement of her new job. I began to venture out to the dance venue, but started slipping as soon as I got out of my driveway, so pulled back in. There had been freezing rain the day before, so decided not to venture out, and play it safe. We have dance plans tonight.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Never posted to you before but I am pretty sure I've read everything you've written. You are an absolute saint. Your patience and perserverance are amazing. Just wanted to drop you a note of ongoing encouragement. You are a good man and I admire you.
Me 44 She 46 S13 D9 M18 T23 3 years DB'ing Successfully busted
