Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Would Like Some Advice 3

hi drz


I feel the same way and also realize w is going to do what alien(w)wants.



I did get a hug, dont think she enjoyed it.



As for now im ok. What i'd really like to do is confront om face to face to tell him a few facts and ask if he knows what he is doing and who he is affecting. I would probably hurt him as for now. I am really trying on my gal and pma. I want my wife to want me.
I know i can move on, but i need to know i have done absolutly everything in my power to save us and our family.


Journaling,
this weekend i stayed up late, wasnt tired. last night(a work night) couldnt fall asleep till after midnight, woke up at 3:30 and was awake until i had to be at work at 6:00. Kinda sucks, i thought i was passed that no sleep stage.

This morning i left the precouncouling paperwork on our nightstand(i cant call it her nightstand cause its supposed to be our room) allong with the new insurance cards and left note.

She wanted to get into c before new years (to make her "decision"). Now she has said that seperation is what she wants. After Christmas she told me. I scheduled and app well before Christmas but couldent get in till 1-10-08. Now not sure if she will go.

Before i went to bed i asked if she got the new insurance card and she said yes. That means she got the couns papers also and didnt comment.

FYI i totaly avoid going into computer room when she is on. When i need to go in there, she is clicking quickly to get screen to change so i dont see. Then acting like she is shopping when im icons are on bottom of screen. How stupid does she think i am? I would never try to run up and read what she is typing.
I want my wife to want me.

Light Switch

i just wanted to add that i wanted to ask her if she will join me in c on the 10th but i didnt. give her something to think about.

good night

Hi everyone

just want to update and get opinions.

I quite honestly don't remember what i did on friday evening. I think that was the night i almost went fishing late 9:30 10:00 cause w wasnt being nice. Oh yeh, did bills, thats why the tension.

saturday cleaned house, put away decorations, clothes, etc. w went to fargo w/d12 to spend gift cards. when w returned she commented u've been busy. w had a party at sil house that night, has to do with sil's work. bil brought kids to our house rented a movie for kids and we talked. bil was better than he used to be about talking about our problems. made plans to go pheasant hunting next day, early.

sunday before i left for hunting i took a glass of ice water and a pack of crackers and left it beside wife(thought she might be hung over). she woke and i told her i was going hunting. while hunting i stressed about calling her for about 2 hours. Thinking: why should i call her she doesnt care? I want to know what the kids are up to (it was perfect snowman weather). I called her finally and asked those things and told her about when i would be home. When i got home w was on the phone and supper was ready (tacos). she went upstairs, i wasn't sure if we should start w/o her(should have). Later watched desperate house wives, i offered her a margarita she declined, i made two just in case then i drank both.

She asked me why im so happy. I said i wasn't. w: welcome to our life! me: huh? w: nothing is going to change with you here, its going to continue like it is. OM wont move here (or she said come here).

Some where in our conversation i told her i have needs right now, like communication (dont want to stress about calling her).
I explained we cant afford to rent an appartment not to mention it has to be big enough for all the kids cause im not a once a week father. If u really want to seperate i think we need to sell the house and camper and get two seperate appartments. She doesnt want the kids to have to give up anything and asked what i wanted. I replied: for you to go to councelling with me on thursday. I dont rember if she said anything afrer that and went upstairs. She texted me a little later "I am trapped like an animal. There is no hope. F@!k being happy. You win." I emediatly went up and asked what she ment. w: i need to get on some meds so i can act happy around kids. This is what u want a warm body. me: this is not what i want, i want u to want me, i dont want to live together unhappy lets fix this and eased in the councelling session thursday.

monday got a text at work in morning, "I can talk to you as a friend but nothing else." i didnt reply i recieved it much later. I went home for dinner to put the trash on curb for garbage day and grab a quick bite to eat. w was eating already and on phone with om, she grabbed her food and went upstairs.
I have to wonder if om gave her permission to talk to me as a friend.
I wonder if she is going to councelling w/me.

It got a bit long, I really wanted it off my chest.

in councelling i was going to bring up db and dr and this sight, Is this wrong?

I have to quit now too tired. maybe i can sleep tonight.

Happy DB'ING

light switch

Sounds like you did very well in the conversations. I think she will go to the counseling.

It wouldn't hurt for her to get the meds though. so often the problem isn't really love here or there, but depression. The new love is a way to self-medicate with a dose of happiness.

As for talking about the books and the website, I think most people would advise keeping your source of support secret. But you handle things well, so I think you can decide for yourself

Thanks Sara,

She did go to c w/me but not for us. She does think she may be depressed. I did tell the c about db and dr, and at the end i asked after knowing my sitch if she could reccomend a book. She said 7 princapals to make a marrage work, John Gottman.


W made an appointment in 1 week for her and we made an app in 2 weeks for us. now i regret not making one for myself but i will call tomarrow (I think i need this also)(My heart has been hurting more lately). After c on way home i asked if om new she went to c and she said no. I said no more and smiled inside.

Thurs was c and Fri i went back to Fargo for job interview, It went very well. I want to work somewhere else but not for less money. I hope they thought it was good also.

Fri night we were going to new pizza place thats opening on monday. Familys of employes (d20) eat free friday. Talking to w on my way hame she wasnt going to go, to much to do (yeh right!). She changed her mind at the last min. I think d17 talked to her. Pizza went good, we also brought grandson to see mom at work. My w looked hot that night, more than normal.
That night i woke at 300 couldnt sleep again. I was obsessing about how good she looked so i texted her:

"u can get mad @ me if u want but i'm going to tell u anyway. U looked absolutley amazing last night. I totally loved that purple horrasontal stripe on u and the neclace topped it off! U were smoken! Just wanted to share 1 of my feelings with u. Have a great day at work, don't let m get to ya. See ya later!"
The next day at work she texted me "Wish u had talked like that 8 months ago it makes me sad have a good day"

I took s8 and d12 fishing that night, no fish just good conversations.

Sun not much sleep again, pretty much tired and grumy today. w took s8 and d12 to swim at hotel.

Now for my thoughts:

my wife wants to seperate, she even suggested me move in w/d20 who is having tough time with xbf.
She has commented that om wont come here or move here if im still in the house.
She is getting on my nerves by telling me i should do something w/kids. I couldnt hold my toung and replied that she was blind right now.
She told me that her thoughts in her head where like a rubberband ball and u cant get a single one to unravel.

After her description of her thoughts i thought of how to describe mine: Picture a whirl wind with papers blowing around, each paper is a thought. No make it a hurricane and my wife is swept away and im supposed to look happy galing when she blows by every now and then. I see my thoughts blowing by and can only read a bit of them before another goes by. I've got this crappy clipboard that only holds a couple papers for a short time then they blow away again.
I thought you guys and gals might appreciate my analagy.

I really want to go to c now, i feel like i need to to keep my sanity.
I have started the book c suggested.

Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Light Switch

Good work, LS. Now you know what she likes, the compliments. Pour it on!

Sara,

as far as pouring it on, she pretty much says it doesnt mean anything right now and i should have done it before this problem with om.

Does anyone think i should put up with dirty looks? Let me explain. I overslept this morning was late for work, i didnt get garbage to curb and forgot my lunch. w talks to om over dinner break on cell racking up mins(but thats another prob). W thinks i come home to check on her, she has told me this in the past. I came home today to make sandwitch, take garbage to curb, and go try to start d20s car. I walked in house and w is on couch talking to om and gives me dirty look. I kept walking made food and left w/out talking. Kinda po's me.

the cell thing im letting go i pay the normal amount and half the overage, if they shut it off i dont care.

W leaves coffie cup sitting around she got from om. How can i tell her nicely that this hurts me?

i made an individule c appointment for me on 22 and got on the cancel list for sooner.

gotta run and try to start d20s car again, be back later.

light switch

Wow it's been that long since i posted?
Wonder if Saffie ever found that hamster?

More of the same but worse?

The latest is that w is going to see om on the 13th (he bought her a ticket). She hasn't told me yet, i've known for almost a week. d20 told me and bil confirmed.
It was stuped to look but i did and cant change that, browser history showed searching for victoria secret stuff, i didnt open any of these pages hurt enough anyway.
dont think i will get her anything for v-day.

cell bill came last weekend, $495.00. she brought up money later and i asked if she saw it she said no. She asked if i changed plans, i said no. we have 3000 min four phones, with out om i would be on lower plan. normal 3000 min bill should be $230 these days. I told her in the past i was no longer tracking our minuites. That evening she said she would start keeping track.

Tues i went to court house to get property tax info for taxes. I told her i was going there for that on mon. While i was at the tax and business office my cell rings.
w-are you at the court house (she drives that way home on her lunch break)
me-yes
w-what are you doing there
me-stuff for taxes
w-i thought you where devorcing me and not telling me

inlaws where down last weekend they stayed at bil's house.
I was not part of this but d20 and bil said inlaws and w had a huge argument about her and om. Fil told her if u want to persue om then end your m first. Mil told her she couldnt come on D.C. vacation they where planing with inlaws, w, and sil. Every other year they go to D.C. to visit family and sight see. They took d20 one year and d17 another. This year w and sil are supposed to go. When i heard of this i told sil to have mil and fil make up with her because ((If there is one thing i have learned about all this its that w it going to do what she wants and them fighting will prob push her to om even more)). They made up and were on speeking terms when we had supper over there that night.
sorry if thats unclear.

Money talks. w wants to sell the camper and get tax money. Split it. me move out. she would use her money to pay half of mortage pmt along with her earnings. i could use my half to help with appartment and bills also. In her words this is so she can do what she needs to do, see this thing through.

one question to her after she said om will prob come to town after im out was,
Will he be in our house?
w- yes at least to meet the kids
me- ...got nothing... I think the imprint of my lower jaw hitting the floor is still there.

Another question to the order of me having the kids half the time seems fair?
Wife said she would fight that and left the room.
I need to go to a l again, the one i saw earlier is suspended for 2 months, falsifying something, it was in the paper. I'm going to look for a woman l. I contacted one and she has no openings till march. i need to know if me moving out hurts my chances with our kids. Maybe legal seperation (so its documented isnt such a bad choice afterall)?

Otherwise I'm going to see a c again tomarrow. Ive been writing down things all week as i think of them.

When we went to first couples c app wife went with, not to work on us just to go.(in the car after i asked if om new she went and she said no). she made indvid app. she went to that and tomarrow was supposed to be couples app, she is not going. I told her i was going anyway.

Gal - mostly fishing on the river with the kids or bil or with miller light. Doesnt cost much to do that even if there not biting.

pma - i try to be positive and upbeat around w (i think it freeks her out sometimes). I give her compliments mostly texting.


I have been catching up on others sitches and praying for all of us. I try to learn from everyone and hope i can help others even if its just for a smile.

Very tired,
good night

light switch

Need to vent!!!!!!11111

This evening started out great. I took off early from work to go to monster truck show, decided to go last night. had a great time with s8. waited in line after to get autographs for an hour. Left fargo to get home bout midnight. Quarter to, wife calls. daughters on and off bf (witch she is preg now with him(I think thats why she let him back about a week ago)). drunk again had broke her phone and kicked in door and put hole in wall w/chair. Oh yeh, pulled her hair and put his hands around her neck(no marks,found that out after police where involved). wife says a little about what happened and says i should move in with daughter, that has been brought up before. At the end of phone convo w says well are you going to do something about it? I said yes.
My plan when i got home was to get whole story, take d20 to police station to file and find out what we can do legaly first. Then if nothing else go to where d xbf is and confront most likely with force (kick his a$$).

After typing i still may go over there tonight.

I got home and d20 had already called police and we were going to meet them at d20s apt. THATS WHEN W SAID HE WANTS TO TALK TO ME. I SAID WHO? SHE SAID OM NAME. I SAID WHAT ABOUT? SHE SAID ABOUT HOW TO HANDLE D20 PROBLEM. I SAID I NEED NO ADVICE FROM HIM! WALKED OUT WITH D20 AND SLAMMED DOOR.

Got home with d20 and we had a talk with w also tring to fig out what to do. after i tried to wait the 24 hr before confronting w but i couldnt. I knocked on bedroom door and walked in, i think she was on phone with om, doesnt matter but he prob listened also. I said -

those things you said to me make me feel like less of a man. I wanted to kick d20 xbf a$$ yesterday when i was unable to confront him. I dont give an apes a$$ (thats how it came out?) what om has to say about d20s problems. at the end of it i said dont put that on me.


In my mind (whats left of it) she is his puppet telling me what to do. I guess thats my best description.

Does anybody think i shouldnt go confront d20 xbf right now?

more info - w and i have been trying to get him out of her life for her own safety for quite a while. nothing works(cheeseless tunnel). Kinda like trying to convince w to stop seeing om.

I'm starting to calm down a little.

Light Switch

After thinking about w trying to hand me the phone cause om wants to give me advice about d20 problem. I should have listened to him, then offered him some advice regarding my alien/wife, whatever.


just went to bed and remembered that d20 told me that om wanted to talk to her before i got home from fargo. She declined.