Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? HELP!! my 25 y/o H walked out... maybe mlc? HELP!!

I took d3 to the mall today, and let her loose on the indoor playground there. I bought myself some new undies at Victoria's Secret as a treat for myself. I figured, they were on sale and I deserve a little pampering now and then!

We got home late (I stopped at the chiropractors on the way home) and when i walked in the door, I heard H's voice on the answer machine! Maybe I should have "gone dark" by letting the machine record his whole message, but I picked up the phone and said Hi, feeling very upbeat. He said he was just calling to say Hi and see how we were doing. He asked where I had been, and when I said, "out and about", he replied with, "oh, you're right, it's not my place to ask." I said, "Okay silly, we were at the mall and we ran some errands", which was true.

We chit chatted for maybe 8 minutes or so, I told him about my day and he told me about his upcoming new job at work. No OR talk at all, it was very friendly indeed.

What a nice way to end the day!

*Miranda*

^^

Journaling:

My SIL called me tonight, she's engaged to H's older brother, they have been together for 10 years.

Turns out H's older brother went through the same thing when their D was about my D's age. He slept around, he took off and moved into their mom's house for a couple months (like my H is right now). Back and forth. The arguments, the lines, the lies, the women- it was the SAME thing. She said for about a year, they had seperate apartments. H's older brother slept around alot, enough where he gave her STD's. She said it was really ugly for about a year.

I know H's dad did alot of the same kind of thing repeatedly when they were kids. He'd leave for a couple months at a time. The early MLC/ recurring depression theme seems to run in the family. Any thoughts?

She also told me that her and H's older brother stopped by their mom's house a few days after Christmas, and in walked my H and OW! This was maybe a week or so after H left me!! She said the OW looks like a man- she's short, chubby, short-haired, very very unattractive, and just wasn't friendly at all. She said that when they first walked in, she thought it was H and a MALE friend. She said that they weren't holding hands or anything, but after he introduced OW to them, they went in the living room and sat there quietly watching tv.

Go figure.

recurring depression theme seems to run in the family. Any thoughts?
==================================
Oh yes, it can run in the family (though a horrific childhood can also exhacerbate the problems) My H's dad was a psycho, a very disturbed man who, surprise surprise, left his w for a few months, had an ow (or more) and was verbally and physically abusive towards everyone in the family.

Okay, so I got an automated call from the video store, saying that a dvd H rented was overdue by a week, and would be charged the full amount. It's 7:30pm, and since H works the night shift, I figured I would call his mom and leave a message for him to return the movie.

I call, and H answers! I was so surprised, I asked, "What are you doing home?" He answers, "Oh, I stayed home from work."

H barely worked for the first month after he left, he would work maybe 15- 20 hours a week (I could tell by the size of his paychecks), and then after that he stayed home at his moms for 2 weeks and just called in sick every night. (He won't lose his job, he's union.) He went back to work on Monday, and also went to work last night (I know because he called me from work).

He missed all that work, and he's already staying home after only 2 nights back?!?! H hasn't made a car payment since November, he's 2 months behind and behind on his credit cards too. I told him about his late movie, and he said he'd take care of it. He was like, "What are you doing tonight?" I wanted to beat him to the punch, so I said, "Hey, I'm going to let you go. I'll talk to you later." and ended it.

I'm so upset that he's missing work still. I depend on him going to work because he's helping me out financially still. When he misses work, he gets behind.

Ugh, this is why i think he might be having a n extremely early MLC, maybe a QLC? He's just sabotaging everything in his life.

I interviewed for a prt-time job yesterday as a pharmacy clerk. It's been difficult for me to find a second job because my available hours are so wierd. I work m-f 8am-12pm, and since d's preschool closes at 6pm, I'm only available m-f 12:30pm- 5:30pm, and on weekends.

They called today and offered me the job! The pay isn't great, but it's additional money coming in so I don't have to stress so much when H doesn't go to work. They are totally working with my schedule too!!

I'm so happy! I feel like the second job is a BIG step in the DB process.

you shouldn't have to stress!! file for child support already, what are you afraid of?

It's only been a month and a half. It's not too soon?

I don't want to piss him off, it's wierd that he's acting like we're friends, but it's nice not yelling and not having to deal with all of his animosity and bullsh*t. I guess I don't want to rock the boat and set us back another month.

Geez, I just logged onto myspace, and he's on right now. It's 8:30pm and he's works graveyard, he's supposed to be at work!!!

Journaling:

My GOAL this weekend is not to check his Myspace. Not even once.

It's Friday night, and I checked his site. He listed his mood as Horny.

It just about killed me, I feel nauseated and I have that all-too-familiar deep ache right in the center of my chest, as if he hit me with a sledgehammer.

I have to stop checking it, it's the most anti-DBing thing that I do. Dbing is about knowing that you cannot control another's actions, we can only control ourselves. It's about not letting their actions affect our sense of worth.

My first goal, I WILL NOT check his myspace this weekend.

Fantastic news DA- congratulations!!

I'm rooting for you with the goal this weekend- it took me AGES to stop checking my H's facebook but when I did I started feeling much better.

OD