Hi, been reading what you guys have said about the "ring" thing. I have read other posts that seem to make a really big deal out of it. Please....PLEASE, don't take this the wrong way, okay? We (my H & I) were so young when we got married that we have not been able to wear out wedding rings in years....lol. Not b/c we don't want to, but b/c we outgrew them! We talked at one time about buying another set, but never seem to have the money on hand to do it. Then, to be honest, we just kind of forgot about it. I never think about it anymore, but the time I went to that counselor, that was one of the first things she noticed....that I wasn't wearing my rings. She asked me why and I said...oh, it's nothing....I just outgrew it. I forget I'm not even wearing rings, it's been so many years, but still just as married!
I guess I said all that to say this......rings are a symbol, which you all know that, but I think what I want to say and hope that it is not misunderstood is to not get so hung up on the ringitself. It is what is going on in the MR that matters.....not wheather or not a person is wearing a ring at the time. I suppose when a couple is younger maybe it means more....I don't know. But, I have seen this subject tossed around other threads and it would go on for pages and I would think, "Get over it and move on to what is really important, already!"
Not trying to be tacky. Just don't think you should drive yourself crazy about it. Too many other things to worry about and to focus on.
I don't think taking a ring off gives you a "license" to flirt or have an affair, or anything else on those lines. You either wear a ring full time or you don't wear it at all.....unless your particular type of work hinders the wearing of a ring while there and then you put it on after you leave the job. My H actually had to stop wearing his first b/c it was too big and it got caught on something and nearly ripped his finger off. But now it's too small for him.
Some couples that are having problems feel that a huge statement has been made when one spouse takes that wedding ring off. I can understand that. I can undestand the hurt it would cause. I'm just telling you not to get too "out there" with this kind of stuff. And speaking as an almost WAS.......don't pay much attention to it if the do show up with no ring on one day. They are crazy, most are in MLC anyway, so just don't go nuts over it.
If it makes you feel good, then do it. When my dad died, my mother continued to wear her wedding rings for years before she finally pulled them off and put away. why? B/c it just made her feel closer to him.
Just my two cents worth.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
My H stopped wearing his rings a year or two ago. MY sissters and friends were always telling me "you should make him wear his ring - I would never put up wwith that". But he would always say its just too tight. I believed him. LIttle did I know it was probably because he is in sales meets new people every day and wanted to see who he could meet. Then when the affair hit all the pieces fell together. I trusted unconditionally and would always tell my friends I dont care if he wears the ring - I trust him. The wife is always the last to know is so true. But today it does not really matter ring or not - people dont care if your married or not. The coworker he is involved with knew he was married and had a D. She did not care. So a ring does not mean much to other poeple - I guess as long as it means something to you. The moment I found out about the affair I took my ring off becuase he asked for a D right away and I felt like we were not committed anymore. I would love to get involved with somoene right now. It would be so easy to have someone boost my ego and flatter me and have "someone" but like someone said earlier I think to myself how can I drag someone else into this mess - emotionally I dont have anything to give to someone new. So if you still feel committed to your spouse wear the ring if it makes you feel better but I would not have an affair for revenge - thats just involving an inncocent person in all of our emotions and though it might make you feel good at the moment if you and your spouse do reconcile you might regret it because technically your still married and you might have to live with that all your life. Be careful and think it through.
Also, would you want to have a serious relationship with someone who thinks it's okay to date legally married people? I personally would rather be with someone who treats marriage and (even a dying marriage) with respect, because that's how they will treat future relationships/marriages....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
