I'm laying off the brewskies (gotta watch the belly now that I've lost a few lbs. / don't worry, I'm still robust). had a few glasses of vino though. W called twice last night.....10:30 to tell me they were gettig freezing rain and she had a few glasses of wine with her mom and thought it was safer to sleep over there. I said no problem have a nice evening. She asked if i was mad. I said absolutely not. She then said that I can call her anytime. I replied that I would not be calling her. Kind of a strange call for someone who wants out of our M but checking in (old habits I guess). The second time (11:30) she called to say she was in bed and about to fall aslepp and did not want me to worry. Is that the only reason you called? She said I also wanted to tell you that her cell battery was dead, please take down my mom's phone number. I took it down and wished her a good night. Again, if I was going to take some positives, I am stil in her mind. On the negative, she would rather spend Friday night with her mom than me. I have my afternoon and evening planned with some buddies. Part of the morning will be spent shovelling so that my W's new friends can walk up the stairs. D7 should be with W and her new friends because one of the nw friends has a D8. Have a nice weekend everyone.
Some encouragement for you john - I think this is good. If she WANTS you to trust her (that's what I'm reading), then she may working toward something else.
The issue of spending Friday night with her mom is a non-issue. You are putting words in her mouth. Stay in the positive.
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
I agree john. Actually its probably good thing she went to her moms. Maybe she needed space to think. Given she called you twice I'd view it as a positive.
I've been laying off the beer as well, but last night I needed one badly. Rough week.
3:00 AM...just finished speaking with my W. We were sitting on the couch and then she put her drink down and straddled me. For some strange reason after a few minutes of this she said in 15 days it would be the first annivrsary of her sister's death. She thinks it is what started all this. Let's just say that she is hurting and needs some professional help. At the end of our talk she seemed to agree.
Let's see what today brings.....I now realize that in spite of the appearance of strength that my wife carries with her every day (she is quite convincing), I need to be strong for her. She needs someone to be her anchor since she has been everyone else's for all her life. For the first time in a long time, she opened up a little and shared her feelings on her past but moreimportantly on what she is feeling today vis a vis her past. She even admitted that she was worried. I need to help her but I am not sure I know how. She thanked me for listening....I guess that is a little help.
She is opening up to you, that is great! Keep listening and I am sure she will keep talking. Any forward progress is positive, IMO. Hope today is a good day for you.
Did you apologize too? For maybe being "unavailable' as her confidant in the recent past? Or not really understanding her pain about her sister's death?
There's an opening for you ....
Me - 43 and She -36. No kids. Married 7 yrs - Together 14 yrs
Phil, No I did not apologize....I see your point though. Now I need to create an opening to insert my apology. W is on computer now....seems a little colder today. I am encouraged regardiing yesterday's lengthy conversation (a very emotional one where she did a fair bit of crying and hugging when speaking abut her childhood and sister).
Prior to that she asked me an interesting question....whether I would consider going away to a warm weather resort for 1 week with her. I answered yes. She said a year ago you would only go away if D7 was included. I replied that I now realize that the couple or romantic part of the relationship needs to be nurtured.
