Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Tired and giving up

Luv,

I know you've been so through some hard times. But think of this in this way, your body could not keep to your mind strenght. It's a warn so you should rest.

Take care!

Hi everyone,
My apologies for not posting in a while. I have been really busy with my work, house, etc. We have put the house up for sale. I can't afford it by myself and my H doesn't seem to interested in living here even if we did reconcile. My work has been keeping me hopping. Hopefully it will begin to pay off soon. My S13 and D8 are doing ok. D8 has been really missing her dad, cries alot at night. He hasn't been home since he left on January 1. If I ask, then it's "why do you have to question me? I'll be home soon". He says something about the drive, it's 11 hours one way but last week he drove to Yuma, AZ with his brother to go camping for 2 days and didn't seem to mind the drive then. I guess it comes down to priorities.

I don't feel that he's in contact with the OW any more. Atleast I hope not. I'm trying to move on with my life but it's been hard. He's angry and hurt over my behavior and actions but doesn't seem to think any thing he's done is a problem since my actions are so much worse. I have fully acknowledged and apologized several times to him. That doesn't seem to matter either. It seems he would rather hold on to his "reasons" so that he can justify why he isn't here. I am so sick of it. He says he wants me to "allow" things to happen instead of "making" things happen. I just hope that by the time he is ready to move forward (if ever) I will still be around.

I am so bogged down with stress. I am trying to have faith and a PMA but it's really hard when you are barely staying afloat financially and your M is pretty much nonexistent. He's still not working, says he knows he has to go back to work but doens't actually do it. If I say something about needing help, then it's "bashing him". Sometimes I feel like just saying to heck with it but I can't. I have to email him tomorrow about the housepayment. This month he was late transferring the payment so that I could make it and we ended up with over 200 dollars in late payments. That really upsets me as we don't have the money for late payments. I keep praying that one of my cases will pay off soon. I feel like he is just hoping that will happen to. I don't get it as he has never been lazy ever.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the downer. Yesterday was a difficult day and I am still feeling it. He said that he would be home not this weekend but the next. I am debating over whether I should be here. I am thinking about leaving when he arrives and not being here while he is here. It's painful for me to be around him when he is so cold and distant and makes no effort to be closer.

Luv,
I'm so sorry to hear that things are not going well for you. Have you considered going to a attorney and getting a separation agreement so he will have to help you with the financial situation? I know that you may be afraid that it will make him mad and lead to a divorce, but it seems like he stays very angry anyway. You can't do this on your own, he has to support his family!

Luv,

Do you think your H could be suffering from depression? These are common signs.

Yoyo- Playhouse has locked - sorry it was me....... also, you have mail

Hi Yoyo,
He has been living off his pension that he withdrew when we moved. So when I need money, (if my income isn't enough) he gives it, just not timely. He's very angry and resentful that his pension is just about gone. I feel it's ridiculous because if he had gotten a full-time job then we wouldn't have needed to touch his money. I have been telling him for almost a year not that we cannot rely on my income as if a debtor defaults we are screwed.

He seems to heap everything on me. I'm suprised the war in Iraq isn't my fault.

I mean, I realize my responsibility and culpability in our R. I know, I have been working very hard to make changes in myself and feel I am succeeding. He admits that he sees some but that it will take time for his feelings to change. But to me, it seems like he is more intent on just focusing on who I used to be instead of the changes I have made, i.e., not being controlling, trying to trust, etc. I have been going to a new C who has been very helpful. I have been letting go of a lot of things and forgiving which has brought me peace. I don't feel H is doing one thing to help himself. But...I don't know that for sure since I don't see him or talk to him consistently.

He says he's not in contact with OW or anyone else but he sure hasn't tried to warm up to me. The other day he still tried to justify his R with OW but at the same time admitted it was wrong. I get the feeling that he doesn't feel it was that wrong talking to her about us only that it led to more that was most definitely wrong. My response is that there is never a justification for going outside our M, that is wrong what I did and it is wrong what he did. It's hard bc I don't feel he has any remorse. I don't know. I need to lift my spirits today.

Saffie, I most definitely feel he is suffering from depression and high blood pressure. He has been going to the gym more so that's good but I don't think he does much else except be on the pc.

I love my H, I would help him if I could, if he would let me, he won't. Sometimes I really do feel like moving on, not bc I need someone else but bc I am so tired of this. He has weighted me down with every wrong thing in our M. He went so far as to say the whole length of our M (11 yrs) was bad. I calmly stopped him and stated that I didn't feel that was a true statment nor a fair one. He said Ok, well, the last five. I responded with that I felt he was forgetting all the love, laughter and good times and just focusing on the bad and that maybe we should work on focusing on the good. He said Ok. I have been working really hard on not being reactive or impulsive. I think I'm doing pretty good.

I think you are doing pretty good too Luv. Sounds like your H has a lot he needs to do to be happy.

I am sorry he is such an a$$

I have fowarded my bills spreadsheet to my H and asked him to pay the bills. We will see what he does. I have way too much on my plate. He is doing absolutely nothing to help himself or our family. I have been being compassionate, understanding, kind and loving to no avail. He just continues as before minus the OW. I understand that he is depressed but he has also become totally apathetic to our situation and our family.

Make sure that you keep the record for yourself also and document the dates that you sent the spreadsheets. He has an obligation to his family.

thanks Yoyo, I will. I am also going to keep track of how many payments he has made from his "income" and what I have made from mine.