I guess I like to think that we can define our own reality. Point in fact I didn't think mine would. Sorry if I struck a nerve. I just think he is playing the 'poor me' pity me card, and he is running out of tactics. But that is just me.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You didn't strike a nerve, sorry if I sounded short. I just think it's incredibly important to let people know that they don't all come home. Even with this much regret.
Thank you.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thanks, Faith. I talked to my mom tonight. She rarely discusses H with me anymore but I told her how he's living with his grandmother right now and he's just a lost person. She feels really badly for him and is praying he finds his way out. I don't think she expects us to ever get back together either but I wanted to tell her the things he had said to me, so she knew he recognized how wrong he'd been and how sorry he is. The thing is, honestly, and I'll bet Shades understands this, even if my H wanted to work things out that would require me to give up all I have worked so hard for here, and move back to be with him. Am I willing to do that? Not so much. I am happy with what I've been able to do on my own, and to give it all up again to move back to where he is...I don't want to. He would never quit his job(s) and move to be with me (please don't try to say he would if he wanted it bad enough; trust me, he would not leave his work). The more I do to correct my own life and build up myself here in my new surroundings, the less likely it is I'd ever move away.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
I have to agree with everyone here. Your H is not out of his crisis. All this business about him wanting you to find someone else to love you. My H said this way back when and I'm sure yours did too. It's just another strategy to help them try to alleviate their guilt without actually having to do any work themselves.
You can walk away or leave the door open. It's up to you. Either way we are all here for you.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I agree with everyone else that your H isn't done yet. He still has a way to go.
But I do understand what you said about moving. Where I am emotionally today, I would not want to leave here to go back to NJ to live. I have worked so hard to get to where I am I can't imagine leaving.
Actually, Alison, he used to suggest (during his manic replay behavior) that I should "see what's out there" because that would have made him feel better if I were dating around like he was. The conversations recently have not been the same. This is genuine concern for me, my life, my well-being. It's difficult for me to express in a post, but we're at a different place now than 3 years ago. He really wants me to be happy now and he knows he can't share that with me.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi Hope. I have read through your thread and I am with you 100%.
I just don't get why so many here can't just say "hey, hope, good luck, I support you." Are you so afraid that maybe hope is right in that many do not come home. Because I can tell you that is absolutely correct. Many (perhaps most) do not. When you keep the door open a crack, all that comes in is a bunch of flies.
As one of my Cs said: "shut the door because you can always open it again."
Good luck, Hope. And keep moving forward with your life. It does get better.
