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Frank

sounds like you're getting your John Travolta, Saturday Night fever, strut back.

wasn't that song called "Staying Alive"?

hmmm

Yeah, I am feeling 'stronger'. I'm also feeling more loss. The complete lack of feeling in her response and the fact that she slept fine last night show me that she is emotionally vacant when it comes to me or the marriage.

I'm still not totally detached so it hurts, and is a bit hard to take.

So, I continue to plan my future around an eventual divorce and me moving forward as a single Dad. In my mind I know that of course I will be 'ok', and I'll even find someone to love, and to love me also. I'm just sad for my kids. And sad that I have to go through this ordeal again. At least this time will be the last time.

Still sad. But accepting the situation.

understood

I think we're in the same boat at this point. I just posted about how heartbroken I am for the kids. But, I know I will find someone someday who can show them what love is between a husband and a wife so they will have a more healthy view of it.
Sucks to be here, but SO good to be with others that understand.

Frank, pardon me for a minute but you've still got the thermometer in her ass.

You're still trying to cause a reaction.

Stay on task.

By the way, my friends have reminded me that I have to stay consistent with W and not be her friend. She's called me today twice, each time she starts out with a friendly "Hell-oooo!" and I stay neutral and end the call when her questions have been answered. She gives me a pissy 'bye'.

Then she came in a little while ago to tell me she was making dinner, and had to go back out to do a massage and then she'd be back. Used her 'annoyed' voice and looked away from me the whole time and did not make eye contact.

I was pleasant, said 'ok, great!' and as she abruptly left the room I said "Thank you for making dinner" in a pleasant voice. she did not reply.

Ouch, that hurts. I feel like I'm pushing her away. Well, I AM. I can't pretend everything is grand in the 'ol household. It isn't.

This is so 'anti-DB' but it's 'right'. Yes, I wasn't a great husband the past year because I was hurting and self-medicating. BUT I never thought of leaving to 'feel better' and I ALWAYS thought of how I had to "get out of this mess" somehow and keep us afloat.

If she can't or won't love me any more and feels that she's going to be happier 'on her own' or 'with someone else' then she has to understand that a choice like that means you don't get to keep Ex Husband as a friend. Especially if you leave him fixing his emotional mess and the financial mess at the same time you are abandoning him.

No matter how many of her 'friends' tell her this is going to be 'good' for her, and that Frank wasn't going to change on his own and if you and he are together he'll 'always' go back to the same way he was and make you unhappy again, she still has to be held accountable for her actions and the effect they have on me, and eventually on the kids.

I'm much kinder than our D17 is going to be once W tells them what she is planning to do to our family again. Hopefully that won't be for a few weeks or months since we are supposed to stay 'coordial' till school gets out. I would be happier if I didn't have to deal with that emotional stress right now.

Maybe a little. The thing is I am getting reactions, and they hurt. It's not easy to feel them, but as they happen I get more and more weary of her and this situation and just want her to go away.

I think I'm also a little afraid that she'll say or do something just to hurt me. I'm not really so 'strong' that I can absorb anything new right now.

I know the task is to 'fix Frank'. Being honest about my feelings with her was empowering. Letting her go and creating a mindset for myself of "I will be happy without her" is a process. Still, 4 weeks ago today she came back from her trip, seemed like she needed me, and I had reached my own bottom and decided that only I could save myself. Then within a day this all starts.

It hasn't been that long. I know it will get better over time.

I know.

And as I have told you already, I think you did real good last night.

you are very strong, not because of WHAT you said, but because you SAID it.... it's not about bursting bubbles or anything like that. it is about showing her, as well as yourself, that you are taking care of you.


Well my friend, it's a $#!tty boat and there are holes in the bottom. And you just took away her life preserver. Mr. "will always be around" just delivered a wake up call. So yeah she is going to be pissy this morning.
Bottom line Frank: No Zen masters, past life regressionists, or spiritual path buddies are EVER going to give that girl what you gave for 20 years.....
Love, commitment.