Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums THE SEX-STARVED MARRIAGE Inviting hokiness in my life

Catholics generally don't respond to biblical quotations. A better place to look might be some papal encyclicals.

catholics dont generally have personal bible study time.

karen's H is not your average catholic.
The bible means more to him than "the church".

How do you know?

Dom,

H is a rebel to his core. He is way to stubborn and too sure of himself in his biblical knowledge to respond to being whacked upside the head with the "word". Personal bible study?? Yep, he does that and he did that through formal education too. This whole thing would go like me trying to argue with him about what is wrong with one of our cars - ridiculous - he knows much more about cars than I do even though I do know a little. He knows much more about theology than I. Period.

To quote myself:



My more recent question is "What does this have to do with him anyway??" It all started when I picked up a piece of erotic fiction that was just my flavor and I have been enjoying hot and botheredness for a couple of days while reading it. H would probably be shocked by it or maybe he wouldn't - who knows????

I just know that living a sexless, colorless existence for a year isn't my cup of tea. Erotic fiction, fabulous new full length burgundy silk jewel tone dress for a black tie event in March (1/2 price too) and a red leather briefcase for work - all in the space of a few weeks. I'm done with wall-flowering in my life or my marriage. He can want me or not - if he can show me that he does maybe I will grace him with my sexual presence. I accept that he has every right not to be interested but I also have every right to be interested - in sex in general or with him. If he's smart he'll figure out that he would rather it be with him instead of with someone else.

I started the ball rolling. Today I told him via email that I am feeling pretty crappy that our entire relationship lately has been limited to money, work and kids. He responded that basically he agreed and that since he values relationship over money he is putting his time where his mouth is and we are going away alone in February and as a family in March. He even used the phrase "there is no benefit to working extra hours if you lose the things you value most in exchange for money" - previous experience has taught me that he isn't using the lack of sex as a barometer of how our R is doing but he just might be using my recent apathy. Sometimes you have to let the space widen before it becomes obvious.

I have no idea what this means but I give his warmth with me on the phone and by email today a 6, maybe even a 7. Sexy, no but there is acknowledgement of an issue at least.

Karen

Karen;
I'm not suggesting that you "argue" with him.
Why wont you just ask him his opinion of those bible passages?
That's not "arguing". You're not even being negative about him. You're just asking him what his biblical training tells him about it.

You dont have anything to lose, and you stand to gain a heck of a lot.

On a side note.. its really nice to hear that he sounds to be a little more concerned about your state of mind recently.
As you kind of hint, though; I dont think it will lead to more sex either.

Karen:

Go to this link: Interview with God And then click on the link "View Presentation."

If this doesn't move you to tears... I don't know what will.

And get OFF these boards. For a time.

Corri

May I point out that you are my new heroine? Seriously. I admire SO MUCH the direction you're taking in regard to reclaiming your own sexuality and life of the sensuous. I know how hard it was to do in my *very mild* circumstances. In your case, I consider it an act of extreme self-respect, willpower, and (positive) defiance. You go girl; fly your wanton flag high! Buy yourself a silk nightgown to coordinate with that formal and enjoy swanning around and looking at *yourself* in it.

I know this isn't "outcome-based" (wisely so), but I found in my situation that a devil-may-care applied sauciness worked wonders.

BTW, what is UP with the English language? Everybody, help me out with this. Give me a common-usage word to describe a woman who enjoys and displays her own sexuality that does NOT connote "promiscuous" or carry any other negative implication. "MILF" is just *not* the mot juste.

If this doesn't move you to tears... I don't know what will.
Corri, please pass the kleenex, . :sniff:

Lou

You've got a point, kett. Check these out (they came from different thesaurus entries, that's why there are repeats):

coquette, courtesan, deadly lady, deadly woman, enchantress, flirt, seductress, siren, temptress, vamp, call girl, concubine, courtesan, fallen woman, floozy, hooker, hussy, lady of the evening, loose woman, painted woman, slut, streetwalker, strumpet, tramp, whore, call girl, concubine, courtesan, fallen woman, floozy, hooker, hussy, lady of the evening, loose woman, nymphomaniac, painted woman, slut, streetwalker, strumpet, tramp, whore, bawd, call girl, concubine, courtesan, fallen woman, floozy*, harlot, hustler, lady of the evening, moll, nymphomaniac, painted*, pro*, streetwalker, strumpet, whore, woman of the streets, working girl, bedmate, best girl, concubine, courtesan, doxy, dream girl, fancy woman, girlfriend, inamorata, kept woman, ladylove, main squeeze, moll, old lady, other woman, paramour, prostitute, roommate, shack, shack job, sugar, sweetheart, sweetie, follower, cat, chicken, chippie, concubine, courtesan, fallen woman, floozy, harlot, hooker, hostess, hustler, loose woman, midnight cowboy, model, moll, nymphomaniac, painted woman, party girl, pickup, pink pants, pro, scarlet woman, slut, streetwalker, strumpet, tart, tomato, tramp, trollop, white slave, whore, working girl

Corri,

Yes it is unbelievably beautiful and I was moved to tears.

I have been trying to get off the boards for bit here but I am just so drawn to you folks, your wisdom, your friendship that I haven't. It couldn't hurt I suppose. I also have an issue leaving when I haven't gotten anywhere with H. However, I HAVE gotten pretty far with me. What makes you suggest that?

karen