Good luck to you, I know it is tough times right now. I too vote that you stay. I thought about moving out several times in the past few months, but I feel like then at some point H would say I gave up on us b/c I moved out.....I know you don't want to give up yet, right??
Bobbi, You are right, I do not want to give up.....although i have some moments where I can not share on these boards what i would like to tell my W. Anyhow, I honestly don't know where I would be right now were it not for the book and more importantly all the support from these boards. Whatever happens, I will linger here and who knows.....maybe some of my suggestions and or mistakes may help someone out there.
W went to bed with D7 in and around 8:00. Apparently she did not fall asleep until 10:00 because she asked me who called last night. Also, D7 was sick for part of the night (i did not hear anything) and they both had problems sleeping. I guess there are advantages to sleeping in the guestroom Gumba. W spoke to me about work related things this AM. I listened attentively without making any suggestions whatsoever (although I felt like it). Getting ready for another fun weekend. W is planning a girlfriends only supper with her new circle of friends on Saturday. That's a nice way to tell me to get out of the house (which I will happily do). Sunday of course is the SuperBowl so I will probably find somewhere fun to watch it, although my basement would be ideal if I wanted to concentrate on the game itself. In my state I need to be with people more than I need to pay attention to the game.
I can talk till I am blue in the face, the reality of the situation is that my happiness is still very much controlled by my W's actions. The weekends are worse because that is when historically we spent the most time together as a family. It kills me (ok that's a little strong) that I am not included in her plans. Yesterday we went out for supper as a family (she met us at the restaurant). D7, stepdaughter17 (SD17) and myself. When W came in, she kissed everyone but me...same thing when she went to bed and this morning when she left. I may be putting too much importance in these kissing episodes.... it is difficult for me to accept that she would rather spend Friday night with her mother rather than with me. PMA not very present today. Need to shake this off. It is at times like this that I feel like saying F*** this. I don't deserve this....nobody does.
my happiness is still very much controlled by my W's actions.
I'm glad that you recognize this. Now what are you going to do to change it? Even if you were in the best R possible, you still can't attach your happiness to someone else. It's not fair to them or you. Do you realize how much pressure that is to put on someone? She's dealing with her own issues and you put the added pressure of your emotional well being on her as well. Take that pressure away and you may just see some changes in your situation.
I'm sorry that you're having such a bad day. Try to do something nice for yourself to pick up that PMA. Hang in there. I'm pulling for you...
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
John, check out rejoiceministries.org and read the Saturday testimonies, listen to Stop Divorce radio on their web site. Go to church on Sun. Take a walk, clear your head. Praying for you. LadyDi
Thanks for your support guys......tough to get something going today with all the snow and the howling wind......W however decided to go have supper with her mom (on her way home) and D7 is with the greatest grandparents in the world. W acted surprised that i did not plan something with my friends since she told me she would go see her mom. There is a freakin snowstorm outside and it's not like I can't see my buddies tommorow while she entertains her new girlfriends. Anyhow, at least she still checks in and seems to be interested with my whereabouts. It seemed like she wanted to chat but tonight I cut her short. I am all by my lonesome...fireplace is going...Molly my faithfull lab at my feet (wondering when i'll get off the damn laptop and pay some attention to her).
