It's funny, my W is in a great mood as well. I think the "burden" of this is off her for now. She has made her decision and has her little plan rolling. Unfortunately the plan is a little whacked, but so is a MLC I guess.
John, Hope you get to have your date tonight. Good luck! You never know about the announcement to D. My H and I had "the talk" scheduled for 4 different days. I made up our visitation schedule. He put a deposit on an apartment and ordered furniture. The apartment is canceled. The furniture order is on hold. And we haven't had the talk with our S yet, haven't even talked about having the talk in several days..... Some times when push comes to shove they realize that even though they don't like where things are in the R, they also don't want to leave it. Having "the talk" is a very "real" step, and sometimes it makes them really think about things. My sitch is far from great we still don't know what will happen. But MIL called today and said H told her bottom line no matter what he said he could never leave his kids and didn't want to leave me, either. Just didn't know how to make it work, either.
So good luck, hopefully you will have an enjoyable evening! It ain't over til it's over.....
Thanks Bobbi, I wish I would have read your post prior to leaving for te day....especially the have an enoyable evening part. I made so many DB errors that I can't even write them all here or I will fill in a couple of pages. Let me just say that right now I am fighting the urge to go n her room and get under te sheets just to hug her (no sexual expectations)..now that is a 180 for me. I am just afraid of her reaction.
Last night..... -w admitted that she is still confused -w admitted that i had changed and now listen more..."no matter what happens between us I want you to be my freind" -w admitted that for some reason related to her childhood she has always ended her relationships....including friendships. She went on to say that she must have a problem becasue unlike me, she has no "real friends. and is not even very close to her family. -I am convinced with a few other things she said that she is smack in the middle of a MLC...I am also convinced that she would benefit greatly from seeking professional help.
I will spare you all the details but we ended off the evening at home listening to music and sipping a few cocktails. When she got off the couch to go to bed, she gave me a kiss (on the lips). Not a long one but considering what I have been getting lately, this was a noticeable improvement. I told her I had a very nice evening.
Forgot to mention that W mentionned that MIL sugested that she give her marriage a chance?????? Yes this is the same MIL that I do not like very much.
At lunch, I asked her point blank, "do you think you gave us a chance?". She seemed to loose her apetite. I told her that she knew I was committed to making our M work. I said that I had grown a great deal in the last few months and that i loved her unconditionally. I then brought up the D7 announcemnet, the fact that she wanted me out of the house, the lawyer for mediation and putting the house up for sale (which she still has not done) as steps that would truly signify the beginning of the end. I also made it clear that the D7 announcement and me moving out would be very difficult to overcome, althogh I will always have her best interest at heart and will remain her best friend. She seemed touched by this. I know that this was wrong of me to say but last night I got the feeling that W did not fully comprehend the potential repercussions (of the path we were on) to everyone involved.
Any response from your wife after the lunch discussion? Any "talk" with D7 yet? I am wondering how you are doing.
Oh, and as far as messing up and violating the "DB Rules", you couldn't have done so badly. Otherwise, you wouldn't have gotten that kiss before bed!
Besides, I have learned that sometimes you have to do what your gut says in the moment, whether it follows the DB script or not. You can tell pretty quickly if you are going down another cheeseless tunnel.
Hi there Woog and Bobbi and anyone else following my saga of what not to do to save your M. I think my paesano Phil has given up on me.
I am doing ok. I am trying to act as if at home,however, there is always a part of me that says that status quo will not work. A little shock would only help. Instead I have really gone into overdrive as far as helping out (actually it's not helping out, she can not continue with her career without me picking up the slack). She thanks me on a regular basis and is at the point now where she is uneasy accepting my "favors" (making supper, taking over D7's school related "things", cleaning W,s boots, making sure her windshiled washer fluid is topped off in her vehicle etc.). I feel good when I do certain acts of kindness. I think I should get that languages of love book that some folks on these boards write about.
W has not gotten back to me regarding D7, lawyer mediation, me moving out or putting the house up for sale. Like I told her, announcing to D7 coupled with me moving out would probably put an end to our M for good. This is wrong to say but it is the way I feel right now. It may change but right now if we go through with these two steps, i will be the one filing for divorce and putting the house up for sale (which she is not able to do for some reason).
What I took from the supper is the fact that she needs or wants my friendship going forward, is still having doubts, is beginning to wonder why she is not able to sustain relationships in general and feels compelled to end them all. I was very surprised that she wanted to go for supper with me. If it happens again I will have to make sure that I concenrate on only having fun and leave everything else behind (including sexual advances).
So, I am in limboland acting as if untl the next storm hits.
By the way since I have kept my folks up to date on what is going on, they are now pressuring me lovingly to get out. So, Woog i know that you have not told many people....my advice keep it that way as long as you can. you don't need that type of "pressure".
Good luck John. It is hard when family members are advising you to end it. They just don't want to see you hurt. I have tried to only tell a handful of people b/c hopefully we are going to reconcile the marriage, and it is hard to walk into a dinner or party and think everyone is thinking about your messed-up M in the back of their minds.....But my parents had to know b/c I have been so emotional and needed them to keep the kids overnight a few times. So I know how you feel. The family just doesn't want to see you hurting. But do what is right for you, you already know that though... Happy Tuesday
