WOW! I would be only toooooo happy to be able to say we are piecing. I will wait on that another week, though. I'd like to hear how he explains our situation to the MC first. Sometimes you think you are on the same page, and you aren't. Here has been his take so far:
MC Appt #1: I want to see if we CAN fix it (doubtful to him)
MC Appt #2: I am DONE, only want to come to talk about shared parenting and how to tell the kids (I knew he was going to say that b/c he told me before we went)
MC Appt#3: We'll see (this time he had told ME he wanted to try and fix it)
So I will take it as it comes. But he keeps telling me he wants it to work this time so I hope that is true. And he did come home last night on time, for the first time in a long time. And......
while I am posting just now, HE CALLED from work! I had asked him earlier what he wanted to do tonight since MC was canceled and we have a sitter. Gave him the option to do something or not. He just said he didn't know what yet, but "keep the sitter and we'll go do something".
Bobbi, I hope you do go out tonight. Whatever you do, plese take my advice and act as if everything is fine. Be cheerful and upbeat regardless of what he says. I wish i would have done that last Saturday night. There will be plenty of occasions to get argumentative or discuss your R (MC next week). DO NOT waste this op. Show him what he is potentially giving up!
I am SOOO pleased that he got home at 10:10. That is wonderful.. He kept his word. I hope this is the beginning of many for your M.
Sorry to hear about the MC reschedule. but as Kalni said, maybe it is a good thing.. you'll have another week under your belt with an H that is actively trying to work on his M!!
You're doing something right.. Keep up the good work.
Boy John I wish I read your post before I went out last night...
We had a great dinner. We met up at Lowe's to get ceiling fans for our house. Since we are selling it soon with the move, we noticed our fans are 25 yrs old and really dated-looking. So we got fans and light kits with no conflict or arguments at all--new for us and nice!
Then he asked where to for dinner and I made the decision, usually I wait for him to decide. We went to a place called Granite City which is a bar/grill. I chose to sit in a booth at the bar area, he was good with that. I chose it b/c they are u-shaped booths that face the bar. That way we can sit next to each other instead of across from each other. Plus he got to watch the KU/KState B-ball game on the giant TVs.
Anyway dinner was fine but I noticed I was initiating all the conversation. He mentioned he still didn't feel well since being sick on Monday/Tuesday. Didn't eat much. But we had a pretty nice time. Talked a lot about the upcoming move, selling the house, where we would live as a family once the house sold (I am staying here while it sells). He said he hasn't figured all of that out yet beyond the fact that he is moving in a few weeks, we (me and kids) are staying here a few months until the house sells, and then we will all live together somewhere. I decided to leave it at that b/c at least he voiced the fact that he wanted us all to be under one roof.
As we finished eating he said he had to go out to his boss' farm to measure some things for a trailer hitch he is welding. Old me came back to life, I was hoping she was gone....I was upset (but didn't say so) b/c it has been months since we have gone out and come home together, gone to bed at the same time, etc. I would meet him after work for drinks and go get the kids from the sitter while he would meet up w/friends and stay out longer. I guess I was thinking we would just both go home after dinner. I should have let it go b/c he was out measuring steel, not partying it up.
He came home almost 2 hours later which is NOT long, I realize, but I had thought it would take 5-10 minutes to measure steel and he'd be home. I pointed this out (DUMB! DUMB!) and he said I didn't get the process. I said I know, that is why I am asking what all you had to do, I am trying to understand....He said no I just wanted to know what took him so long.
Anyway it took me 40 minutes to realize I had gone back down a couple dozen cheeseless tunnels. Me saying that if he was truly committed to working on it, I wanted to be touched and told I am loved. He said, "I can do that". But he stayed on the couch w/his eyes closed and did nothing which irritated me. He said I irritated him b/c I hovered and didn't stop my argument unless I got the answer I was looking for. I realized there that I messed up and stopped cold. Went to bed. From bed I sent him a text (that seems to be his fave communication mode lately):
I really had a nice time at dinner. I am glad we went. Love you.
Sent it B/C I was feeling like a royal B. Here we went out to dinner which was his idea, he was home before 11 and was only out to work on a farming project he needs to finish before he moves--hard to go work on your boss' farm once you quit working for him--and I was acting like he did something wrong.
It is true, you get an inch of progress from your H or W and suddenly you want a mile...I need to soooo slow down the pace of my expectations. We had dinner, it was nice. He came to sleep in our bed (not until 2 again he keeps falling asleep on that darn couch). We are talking about staying together. Why am I trying so hard to screw it up???
So today I called him at work to remind him he had a dentist appointment today (he forgets stuff like that b/c he doesn't have a planner or blackberry-type thing.) We had a pretty nice, brief conversation. He seemed to be okay with everything. I think I will lay low until he comes home tonight, then go back to being happy. I have a lot to be happy about:
1)I like my job--although S was up all night w/an ear infection so I couldn't teach AGAIN today!
2)My H has not moved out and when he does, it will only be to take a new job, and he will be living w/his parents, not in a swingin' bachelor pad
3)My kids are cute and smart and they are still the age where I get daily hugs and kisses
4)H is making changes and says he loves me and wants to work it out
So, on that note, any advice to fix my blunders last night? This insecurity of mine is what most drives him crazy. But it is a vicious circle, b/c if he would touch me/tell me he loves me, I wouldn't act as insecure. And if I didn't act so insecure sometimes, he would probably be more prone to showing his affection.....anyway I just want to move past the backslide and on with progress!
So, on that note, any advice to fix my blunders last night? This insecurity of mine is what most drives him crazy. But it is a vicious circle, b/c if he would touch me/tell me he loves me, I wouldn't act as insecure. And if I didn't act so insecure sometimes, he would probably be more prone to showing his affection.....anyway I just want to move past the backslide and on with progress!
It sounds like you are expecting progress too quickly. Have patience and dont try to rush him back into love. Treat him like you would like him to treat you. Dont try to fix your blunder from last night - it is just a backslide in DBing. No one ever said that DBing is easy. You just need to act "as if" when things get under your skin. It is tough, but you can do it.
You can absolutely do it. You are more and more self aware everyday. Try to take a minute every time you start to say something to him and make sure you "preview" it in your head. Don't let your emotion carry you away.
Thanks, KerryK! There is an old, old saying, "Less said, sooner mended". I am going to follow that in this case. I won't ever bring up my little meltdown from last night. Just move forward "as if", b/c the reality is he says he wants us to work so I should act "as if" things are going to work out. Backsliding sucks but I am back up on the horse.....
Thanks Woog! I don't really know how to shorten your name b/c I don't know what it stands for. So I think of you in my mind as Woog when I am reading your thread. I will go check in on you, Kerry and the other folks who help me out so much. Onward and upward, as they say..... But you are right, I need to "preview" a lot of the things I want to say these days. Wish I had a delay for my mouth like on the Oscars and stuff when they can edit out the bad parts....
