Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy I am so confused, not sure what hand I am playing

Well, I had a good night last night. Actually not really good but it didn't end up the way it could have or has in the past. D4 had gymnastics and we got home at 8. H was already there, odd since he works till 8 and his work is a 25 min drive. Said he came home cause he didn't feel like being there anymore and there was 2 guys to close. Got off the computer when I came in and sat and talked animatedly again like I had noticed as things started to feel more "normal" a few weeks ago. The talk was all about work, and he did mention OW's name a few times as a casual part of it. Not sure whether this is good or bad - feels comfortable mentioning her name in front of me because nothing is going on - or just can't keep her name out of his mind? Regardless I ignored it and pretended she was the same as anyone else in the conversation. Because I was able to listen and discuss without getting upset that her name crept in the conversation was longer and more enjoyable than it has been.

H had hockey at 10:35 about a half hour away. He left to go at 9:15 - came down to say goodbye(little miracles) since I was watching LOST(does anyone else love this show???) and said enjoy your show. There was no mention of when he would be back and I didn;t ask. (as a sidebar after our first MC session our task was that if he went out he answered honestly when he would return and would call if he was going to be late, and I would not give him a hard time about his estimated return or call asking what he was doing). He doesn't seem to be keeping up his end of the deal here but I let it go. He came home at 1:50. In the past - before the A, I would have been livid sitting in the livingroom. I stayed in bed and pretended to be asleep. Realisticly he could have been home by not much earlier than 1 by hockey math of game, shower, locker room beer and drive home. He crawled in bed and went to sleep as well, about 5 min later I sat up to set the clock for him and he noticed I was awake and rolled right over. Tried to gab a little and I was brief and nice but rolled back over to go back to sleep. I am sure he was looking for some love but I didn;t go there. He was up by 6 unable to sleep again and left for work at about 6:45 - kind of early. He called at 7 to say how bad the roads were - we are having an ice storm - and that maybe school was cancelled. He called again at 9 to see what was up. I am thinking although there are things I would love to change that all in all I controlled myself like I would want to last night and it resulted at least so far in a more pleasant day today!

Just be the greener grass and the girlfriend while you are in FL. ANd make it hard for him to want her.

Remember no R talk and give him time and space to think things through.


JAK

Neecy

Where in Canada do you live? Im only about an hour and a half from the boarder.

I live near Pulaski NY. and about 30 Miles from Watertown.

JAK

I just hope that my parents don't yellow the grass at all, they are wonderful but can add stress to a stressful situation. So you're getting the ice today too? I am right across from buffalo

Well today has been another enlightening day. I went to get groceries to make chilli and I noticed as I was pulling out of the driveway my H sprung from the chair he had been glued to. So on the way back I came from the other side and he was in the driveway texting on yet another phone. I asked him about it ands he said it was one from work. I asked why he was testing her and he said she had sent him one to say her daughter had pink eye and would he change shifts. So I asked to see the phone and he wouldn't let me. I demanded and no, I said why if that is all it is. He gave the I should trust him line. SO I decided to hell with it I am going to talk to this woman. So I drove to her house and was at least 20 minutes until she answered the door. I left a number of messages and I am not sure whether or not the last one got through to her or she finally got tired of me ringing the bell. She called back on my cell and I told her to let me in, she didn;t want to since her daughter was there, I convinced her I was a nice rational person and I just wanted to talk. So she let me in, she was kind of shaken up that I was there but we sat and talked, probably for close to 2 hours. She seemed very sincere, and was actually quite nice and I was very blunt with her about a number of things and my opinions of her prior to meeting her. She actually confirmed exactly what my husband had said, one time, before work, calls were almost all about checking up on her. She is a very big girl and when I asked her about the sex she said that she had initiated it, that she was flattered that someone was taking an interest in her and that her boyfriend had not had sex with her other than when her daughter was born for 4 years. She actually said that maybe my husband felt ba for her and it was pity sex. I really don;t think this is the case but I think that she isn't so sure. She actually said, look at you and look at me. I said it isn't all about looks. When I finally came home my husband was angry that I felt the need to do that. I told him I don;t get how I am supposed to let everything he did go but he is allowed to be angry at how I deal with it. I was kind to her, and she actually told me that she thinks I am amazing and that we could have been friends. My husband went down to his parents house to take a shower(they are in florida) he said we will talk when e gets back. I packed his bags. I think he needs to see what he can lose because I am sick of him using my DB as a way to get everything he wants.

Well he is gone now. I took the bags down there but he said he wanted to come home and talk. His version of talking was to sit there and say what do you want me to say? So he went back. I feel very sick, and no one is here to talk to cause everyone is watching football, which I love but can't enjoy right now. I called and gave him the number of our employee assistance counsellors, I really think he needs to talk to someone because he is really depressed and was saying things like his life is so screwed up it doesn;t even matter if he is here anymore.

I am so sorry. I know you are feeling lonely and hurt, but if you feel its right he left, even so you can have some space, that's good. It still hurts and maybe feels wrong right now, but maybe it'll help in the long run. Relax, take a hot shower, and try to sleep.

Well I made it through the night. He called a few times late, apparantly he sat and drank a 12 pack of beer in the dark. When I asked if he just sat there and thought, he said he didn;t think about anything. He called at 10 to ask who won the game, said he didn't watch, this was the exact point that everyone was running onto the field. Good timing. Then he called at 12 to ask what I ate for dinner, and then again at 12:15 to complain that I didn't pack his toothbrush. I called his cell this morning to make sure he got up since he had been drinking and there was no one there to set his alarm. He was in the middle of getting a speeding ticket $350. So he was all about how everything in his life sucks. He is really feeling sorry for himself. Last night he said I will never forgive him that everytimes he comes home he sees the llok on my face. Now I think he is feeling guilty because outside of the few slipups that have been more than just a look I have tried very hard to be happy and welcoming everytime I see him

Neecy

It;s time to let him miss you. Try not to text or call him and do not answer all of his texts or calls. When you fimally do be nixe but distant. Hopefully he will start to see what he already had.
You are in for a ride hang on and be patient.

JAK

Ok H just called to say that he was still at work and the regional manager had not been by yet. I asked him how things went at work as last night he was all worked up to start a fight when he got there today. He said we can talk about it when I get home. I said I didn't realize you were coming home. He then said do you want me to? I didn;t say yes, I said last night you said you didn;t think that things could work because I would never forgive you, why do you want to come home? he said well I will come home to say goodnight to D4 then we can decide. Now I have put on the pot of chili I was supposed to make last night for super bowl - thank God I just typed that because I just realized that I had oil cooking on the stove ready to start a fire! My mind is lost these days. So my question is, when he comes if he wants to stay do I encourage it? Or do I give him a nice supper and send on his way back to his parents?