Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Will I be here?

Lisa--That was EXCELLENT! THANK YOU!!

At work now, can't write much, but will later...

oh my gosh, LIsa! You are so good at this!!! How do you think of such fun, clever, caring things to say???? can get a brain transfusion from you??

Beth... let us know what happens!! Also... re: your earlier resolution to read more novels? could you recommend some to me? I am OD'ing on depressing new yorker articles & need better reading material!!


((HUGS)) TTTTT

Beth:

It sounds like you really have a handle on things....I love the advise from Lisa...she is absolutely amazing! Keep up the good work!

BA

Yes! I was just thinking about the novels yesterday. When I get home from work, I'll look at my bookshelf and let you know!

BA--Thank you so much for following my thread! I really appreciate it!

So, update on H trip to Florida.

He has been texting me, IM'ing me incessantly. Not about the house planning (I actually think he is avoiding that because he knows that with our current situation, it is sensitive) but about random things and his mom's eating habits (did I already mention she is a closet eater? pretty bad) Also, he told me that they were eating dinner at the same Steak and Shake that me and him had eaten at one time on our way to Disney World.

I've been responsive and pleasant. I've been talking to one of my DB friends off line (don't even remember her DB screen name anymore! ) who has a very similar situation and we agreed that making H feel guilty was NOT the way to go b/c he doesn't handle guilt well at all.

It is hard though, guys b/c I feel roped back in when I talk to him. But, if my intuition is correct, OW and H butt heads alot. I've always been easy going (to a fault), but have a feeling he is seeking me out lately...not only for familiarity but for relief. I hope that I'm right b/c I think that would be a turnaround for him (him no longer just seeing the bad in our relationship but starting to see the good in it again too)

One day at a time, right?

Beth

Hi Beth!

One of the DB rules is to do what works, right? And what you are doing seems to be working for now! That could change at any time, but you are ready for that. But, it would be good if you could detach just enough not to feel roped back in when you talk to him. Should we imagine that he is some kind of vegetable for the time being? Or perhaps a fish? Something that you can be kind enough to, but not feel a need for?

It sounds to me like you are doing the right thingJust try to protect yourself a little!

(((((Beth 83)))))

So, i've been trying to imagine H as something other than my H. And the first instinct that I came up with was of a child and his mother. Which is horrendous considering we are H and W, but...here's why. You know how a child will always run back to their mother for reassurance and need a hug and then runaway? Or, if the mother yells at the child, the child looks to the mother for comfort (even though it was the mother who yelled at them?) I feel like that with H right now.

Anyone want to analyze THAT?!

since H has been back from FL, haven't heard from him (not surprising over the weekend). I know he was still down there on Friday night and I didn't sign on to Instant message b/c I didn't want him to think I was sitting around doing nothing but IM'ing him.

We really do need to get together though. To talk about selling our house and stuff like that. Whenever I ask him about it, we need postponing it. UGH. I'm actually thinking about sending him an e-mail to talk about the house, etc and then see if he wants to get together to go to the movies or something.

Sorry to say, feel the same way. I have been accused of being Mommy or the parent. UCK! I am beginning to change that and think of my H as someone else's kid...you know the feeling of its not my problem. That great feeling when you are in a store and someone else's kid is screaming or acting out and you can just walk away.

Omg, I completley understand the mother-child analogy. I feel the same way with H. Sometimes, I think of it like a little kid having a temper tantrum. They get so upset and worked up, and throw a fit... saying, "I hate you! I never get what I want! I'm running away and you can't stop me!"


Like mothers, we know our H almost better than they know themselves. We know all their good points, we know their faults. We love and accept them, and we want them to better themselves. The mother-child analogy; not so out there