They do buty themselves in lies. They lie to everyone else too, and if you don't KNOW the truth what do you believe???
My STBX is soooooo convincing when he talks about it. Sometimes I question if I know truth from fiction. It's weird, he seems so sincere when he tells you crap that it doesn't seem like a load of crap. It seems like it's the truth and the way things ought to be. So does that make it better if she really didn't know?
Honestly, he was explaining to me how I need to be supportive of his R with ow to D9 because at some point I will meet someone else and I will need his support of that R. He was talking so nicely and sounded so rational that if I didn't KNOW the truth I would have bought it hook, line and sinker.
But I do not know what he has said to ow, I can only imagine. Still I believe that before you date someone else, especially before you move that person into your home with your kids, that they should be D. Final D, not this pending nonsense that seems to be acceptable. STBX and ow moved in together only 4 1/2 months after meeting (if you believe he started dating her in Dec 06). She has 3 kids, 13, 12 and something (according to D9), don't you think a rational person would take more time than that before moving this person in with her kids. I know she is D and has been for a while, but neither one of us had even FILED when she moved him in. He didn't file until 5 months after he started living with her. Seesh.
But yes, at some point she knew he was married and had children. He could have told her that we were getting D, he could have told her all kinds of things. But she knew there was a W and kids somewhere. When his mom didn't want to meet her, when she wasn't invitied to D9's Communion, she knew. Maybe he told her I was alright with the D, even wanted it, does that make it better??????
My H's ow works for him, she's met me and the kids in the past, I have even invited her to our home in the past...she KNEW there was a wife and kids - yet STILL... Yes, he too could have told her ANYTHING... Yes, my Inlaws STILL don't want to meet her (it's been over a year now) does that not ring bells for her ? My H is STILL married to me and has NOT mentioned Divorce - does THAT not worry her ?
Who knows...we will never know...and to be honest, the power of (love) infatuation, is so strong that it will blind anyone to anything !
I'm here with you, and yes I understand !
BY the way - sounds so very very yummy what you'll be making with the kids xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
don't you think a rational person would take more time than that before moving this person in with her kids.
Shades.....
OW are not rational people.
They are people who have no moral compass, no integrity, no ethics.
It is all about them and their happiness.
They do not care about "the" wife or the kids.
They care about themselves and want someone to take care of them.
For crying outloud, what "normal" and "rational" Woman would want a Man who had abandoned his 8 children and wife and move 3000 miles away.
Now that MLCBS is pretty much over, I have come to learn alot about OW and how they work.
Shades, call me a hopeless romantic, but I do not believe that your Husband doesn't think about you or compare you to OW in a positive way, in his mind.
I get to hear bits and pieces of Beloved's life in the great outdoors, and it wasn't as pretty as he made it out to be.
He thought of home alot, and me and the kids.
At times he thought he had done too much damage to ever return, so he tried to make do with the new life he was trying to create.
Does that make sense?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I must have been in my H's mind for most of yesterday, because he called a few times, left VM, talked to me, sent me a card and so on ... We do play a part even when we think we don't.
Faith, this may not be the time or place, but I'd love to hear some of the stuff you have learnt about the other women....
My FIL, said that he thought he had done too much damage to return too....yet he found the courage and my MIL, still loved him so very much !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
That does make sense. And I think I am guilty of thinking STBX's life is a bed of roses. I try to think about it rationally, but I don't have any idea what goes on there or anything about his life. I probably romanticize (sp??) it a lot.
Honestly it doesn't seem that he ever thinks of me. At least he has called the kids every day for a week. That's a new record.
Snowmen turned out great. Gotta go help with homework, I'll check back in a little while.
who knows what's going on. i have those moments (like last night) imagining things are rosey, too.
and, maybe they are, FOR THEM. i think that's the key. they live the happy life of what makes them happy at this stage. the important difference is, it's not a life that would make you happy in a million years. it's not what you would choose to save your life.
you would not choose to bed a married man, allow him to live in your house in front of your teenaged kids, support him while he doesn't work, allow him to be incognito from his kids for months on end, sleep with him in the same bed in front of his kids in a hotel room on his first visit with them since they left, keep persisting even when his parents didn't want to meet you....well, you get the picture.
ick. who wants to have a relationship like that. who wants to live like that?
as for your h....putting your head down at night after you left your house and little girls and w....with a new woman, and her kids in the next room, when you are not divorced and not even close to it, no job, no friends, no regular touch with family.
yeah, sounds like a really great life. sign me up, pronto.
again, they act happy, and i really think at that stage, they are. good for them. it's still not anything you could sell me.
i felt this finally for the first time when i saw h at mediation. i could look at him directly and see that he was a man who lived a life i would not wish on anyone. simple as that. finally, i saw the 'incompatibility' grounds for the divorce.
I agree with BND. I have very little to go on from TJ as of now, but why would he leap at the chance to give our marriage another look at, if he was happy? Truly, they know they are not happy. The only real card OW holds is the mystery and sneaky aspect of the relationship. And strangely enough, that is the first thing they want to shed, to go public. Remember your husband is not looking to have another marriage. The one he has was great.
I suspect Shady, that you are too TOO important to STBX. He would rather risk a diminished view of himself in front of OW than with you. She was just the first to ask for the job when H had horrible self esteem, and well not the best candidate. She is interchangeable. Truly.
She will lose. She wants to have everything you had in a marriage, and that is exactly what H is running away from. You will see.
Time.
Time.
and more time.
Love you!
Hoolly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
again, they act happy, and i really think at that stage, they are. good for them. it's still not anything you could sell me
Me either Always.
Actually I am quite happy right now. If I didn't have the money woes hanging over my head I think I would be extremely happy with my life. I have no desire to live with the person my H has become. I don't understand how he lives with himself.
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i felt this finally for the first time when i saw h at mediation. i could look at him directly and see that he was a man who lived a life i would not wish on anyone. simple as that. finally, i saw the 'incompatibility' grounds for the divorce.
I'm sorry that it has come to this, but also glad that you are sounding so peaceful about it.
I know on the rare occassion that I see my STBX it is like looking at a stranger that looks like my H. I have no idea what to say to him. It's a weird feeling, we were so close and now there is such a great divide. Seeing him still throws me. I don't know why though. I don't feel love towards him, not romantic love at this point, I don't really feel anything and that messes with me I think. I do notice that I am edgy when I know he is going to show up.
Thanks for stopping by. I hope things are going great with you and TJ.
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I suspect Shady, that you are too TOO important to STBX. He would rather risk a diminished view of himself in front of OW than with you
I have thought of this. He was always so worried about appearances I have thought that maybe if he didn't think he could live up to what he felt was his place in my life that could have contributed to him leaving. But I am guessing and it might be WAY off base.
I also think he liked the mystery of the ow. He didn't introduce her to his BIL until recently and the kids too. Then last weekend our friend met her. He (our friend) was very impressed by her. (Sure, I get the great ow....) but his dad has no desire to meet her, I think his mom would just to make sure she doesn't lose her son.
I hope that now that she is out the allure of her starts to wear off. Some ow do, some ow don't. Again, who knows.
H said he doesn't want to me M again, ever. Well now he and ow have matching Tiffany Atlas rings. Blech.
