On a rattlesnake speedway in the Utah desert I pick up my money and head back into town Driving cross the Waynesboro county line I got the radio on and I'm just killing time Working all day in my daddy's garage Driving all night, chasing some mirage Pretty soon little girl I'm gonna take charge.
The dogs on main street howl, 'cause they understand, If I could take one moment into my hands Mister, I ain't a boy, no, I'm a man, And I believe in a promised land.
I've done my best to live the right way I get up every morning and go to work each day But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode Explode and tear this town apart Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart Find somebody itching for something to start
The dogs on main street howl, 'cause they understand, If I could take one moment into my hands Mister, I ain't a boy, no, I'm a man, And I believe in a promised land.
There's a dark cloud rising from the desert floor I packed my bags and I'm heading straight into the storm Gonna be a twister to blow everything down That ain't got the faith to stand its ground Blow away the dreams that tear you apart Blow away the dreams that break your heart Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted
The dogs on main street howl, 'cause they understand, If I could take one moment into my hands Mister, I ain't a boy, no, I'm a man, And I believe in a promised land I believe in a promised land...
Like saffie, I was the last to know, and H only told me because OW's H said he would do it. H told me bare minimum (because he watched me visibly reacting to the shock), and then OW's H called me a week later and filled me in on more. I am so thankful to him, we still talk weekly, but not about them. We talk about surviving this.
You were so right in what you did. I applaud you, I really do.
Ok, everyone, much has happened. I am not going to write a novel, but I will try to give a good update here.
As you know, last Sunday I exposed the affair to the OMW.
For the past week, life has been nothing short of a roller coaster. Some HIGHs and LOWS. I guess that comes with the territory.
The OMW decided to take a stand and not put up with her repeat-cheater husband. She filed for divorce this week. She is doing the right thing.
The OM in my sitch has had everything blow up in his face. After all the notes have been compared, stories shared, etc. it turns out this guy is a compulsive liar (among other things). He has been playing his wife, my wife, and who knows who else for a long time.
My wife came to me last night and told me the A was over. She realizes now that she made a huge mistake and can't believe she was so cloudy by the fog of the affair (my words, not hers.) Without going into a lot of detail, she knows everything, and I mean everything that guy told her was a lie. She feels like a fool for falling for him and his words. She hates herself for what she let happen. But she wants to redeem herself if she can.
I want to point out something VERY important here. When I first started posting here, I was in a world of emotional pain. I didn't know mad from sad or glad. I was willing to give my wife the keys to the kingdom as long as she stayed with me and "tried" to leave him. After a few days of that sorrow, and GALing, things started to turn around (for me only). I was still NOT driving the bus, but at least I felt a little better about myself. Well, after encouragement from Choc, and doing some REAL soul searching myself, I realized I didn't want to just accept what fate was given to me. Life is about choices. So I made a choice. A choice that will be one of my life defining choices. A DIFFICULT choice to expose the affair to the OMW. That is what set everything in motion, and also SET ME FREE.
My wife told me last night, and these are her words: "Thank you for telling ____. I know if you had not done that, the A would have never ended, and he would have never told his wife. I know now why you did what you did, and I respect you for that."
Talk about a sense of euphoria--- dignity regained, integrity intact, and the best part of it is.... now my Wife, who I love very much, and I have a chance to work on the issues that got us to this point. From day one, I only wanted a fair playing field to work on the changes WE needed to make for each other. I could never do that with a 3rd person in my marriage. NEVER EVER.
My wife has committed to working on herself, us and everything else. I have made the same commitment. She is willing to give up all the lies and deceit. We are putting things in place to help her get through these oh-so-difficult weeks and months of withdrawal and sadness. I believe in her, and I know she can do it with help.
I keep saying I have no idea what the future holds -- and that is still true. I just now know that the future FINALLY holds some hope and a chance for the family, marriage and life I have been fighting so hard for.
Awesome to hear. I went through a similar "Come to Jesus" type thing with my H a few months ago. Know that this will be where it really gets difficult. In the midst of reconciliation, you will feel hurt and you will feel all the feelings of betrayal coming up to mess with your head. Know that it will pass.
I told my H: As long as you're willing to work on yourself and work on the M, I am willing to work with you. There will be TOUGH times ahead when I am going to need reassurance and help from you to be strong...and YOU need to be there for me.
These past few months have been eye-opening and redeeming for both of us. We've discussed things about our lives and our feelings we've never dared utter before.
Be prepared for the most gut-wrenching and euphoric times of your marriage.
And keep filling us in. Be proud of how you got where you did; you did a great job!
Regards,
ntl
Last edited by ntl; 02/01/0810:27 PM.
Me: 30 H: 32 Dating 10/96 Married 8/01 H PA's: Summer 97, 12/06, 5/07-10/23/07 My Saga
Give it up for DMB. He stood up and made a stand for that in which he believed, got his wife back, and found himself in the process.
I stand in awe of your courage, DMB. I remember once when I was going thru my chit, and someone used the "c" word with me. I said "But I'm scared to death!" The reply I got:
"Why, that's the very definition of courage -- doing what you know needs to be done, even though you're scared to death."
Talk about a sense of euphoria--- dignity regained, integrity intact, and the best part of it is.... now my Wife, who I love very much, and I have a chance to work on the issues that got us to this point.
Great news, DMB! I know you still aren't out of the woods, but this at least gives you a fair chance. And it's very good that W is going to work on herself.
