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Just trying to keep my head above water here... keep treading and not drown in all the details of the D stuff.

it is mind consuming at times... the decisions the financial things you have to consider. L's only help with the legal details they don't give financial advice...just general stuff.

it is tax time again and again we have to file joint to avoid a huge tax bill.

trying to get the details of how to change the deed and get my own mortgage... or will the company let me keep the one I have and just take his name off it.... crap... can't get a human on the phone.. thinking it is not worth staying with this non human company.

Then there is the cobra ins. that is a pain in the butt for I will pay double what I would for a policy on my own but I am guaranteed coverage. I was told that with my high chol.meds and taking AD's i could be denied ins. or they would not cover them for a yr.

lots of details and they get mind boggling ....

he was here on Sunday to discuss things that his L screwed up in the papers. He is so blind or naive or dumb?
his L wrote that he was not liable for paying for health ins. for the kids. He claims he is going to keep them on the policy.. ok.. so put it in writing.. "why? I am going to do it" but it says you aren't. What don't you understand about this.... ?

he has no idea what that contract says... he had it changed so much from what we agreed on it has to be completely rewritten. Not my problem he is paying my legal fees.

he is not one who likes to deal with paperwork at all.

I keep thinking about Newtomorrow's H coming back after the 1st court date. I still have hope but it is growing dim.

I have been sick for a wk. now so things are piling up in the house and I need a maid for a day to dig out from the laundry and
dust. .... oh well tomorrow.. I will tackle it and just get it done.

Hi all need some advice here.

I found out today that SIL is ill. This is H's older sister and she has some sort of terminal cancer do not know details.
They just found out yesterday I think.

my nephew posted a bulletin on his myspace that is how my d found out.

H did not respond to my txt msg earlier to call me after his OR or office today.
should I call him??

I believe he is flying up there this weekend. He has told nothing to the kids and if he has my son is not telling me a thing.

I have known her for 28 yrs and she is not a warm fuzzy friend like SIL but she is a person and I care about her.

need some support in how to talk to H ...

praying for her and praying this is the crisis he needs to turn around... but I have doubts.

HB2-
I wish I really had some advice for you but I don't. I would be as confused about what to do are you are. My thoughts are that since you sent your H the text and he didn't respond, you might want to leave it alone...or wait awhile to just ask how she is doing. Do you have enough of a relationship with your SIL to contact her directly?

I will say a prayer for your SIL too.

<3
Upside

Upsidedown

I called his phone tonight thinking he might be on his way to see here and in the airport. He did not answer so I left a msg. telling him that d saw the bulletin on cousins myspace and that she was concerned. I told him I was thinking of her and would pray for her and asked him if he was ok? and then said I just want to make sure you are ok.

nothing... the kids have not heard from him either.

weird feeling inside me tonight.

I can't call her for she cut the kids and I out of the family when H left. Even their cousin does not speak to them. So sad.

My BIL and I use to be able to talk so somehow I might figure out how to get in touch with him.
Might just send him a note telling him that I am thinking of them and see what happens.

Life as we know it can vanish in a moments time... no warning nothing..... so we must life every day to its fullest

if only I could live that way .... so hard when in limboland.

my mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts tonight for the 1st time in a long time.
I had gotten to the point of not wanting H back yet not wanting OW to have him.
I was not calling him or emailing him... now suddenly all that
has blown away...

I just want to give him a hug

These were her actions not yours. I'd bet good money on the fact that the cousin doesn't speak to your kids b/c he has been told not to. I'm not an expert on how myspace works but my understanding is that you have to 'allow' someone to view your profile. Doesn't that show that he still wants to keep in touch?

This is a hard call. If I were in your shoes I would stop making calls to H. He knows you know, he knows you care. It isn't him that has the cancer. I would however send a card/note to SIL telling her that you are thinking of her and that you will be available if she needs you. Then leave well alone unless either of them asks for your help.

What would you have done before H left ? I have carried on just as normal with the estranged in laws and acknowledged all family events.

I have recieved nothing back up until this christmas, the in laws are waking up. H's stories have holes and the family are now seeing through them.

I feel we need to do what we think is right for us and our children.
I agree with ACJ, a little note would be a way of communicating to show that you care and offer your support.

Thanks ACJ and JMW

I will send a card with a note as soon as I know what exactly is going on so I don't open mouth insert foot.

I have never been close to this nephew. They live 12 hrs away and just not the close knit family type people.

My sister and mom and I talk all the time and we live 3,000 miles apart. H's family never calls not even on bdays or holidays.

will let it go... not going to call him again will wait for him to let me know. If he tells the kids and not me then I will get the message loud and clear that I am not in his life or the person that he cares to lean on.

It is freezing cold here today again .. going to start a big project.. scanning my moms large wedding photos that are 50 yrs old and starting to fade. I will scan them and then make a cd for myself and my sister.
then I will figure out how to do the little ones that I found of my dad when he was in the army. My mom gave me the album yrs ago and I stored it away and now it is time to preserve it permanently on disc.

thanks for the support. I feel like suddenly limboland has turned into stand still again land... I am going to call my L on Monday and tell him no talking to H's L until H initiates it again.

Praying for SIL and my FIL for losing a child is the most devastating thing a parent encounters in life. but I am praying that H turns to me for support and comfort and sees that I am here for him stil.

Wasn't it N2m's H that had a turn around during the D process when someone died??

I lost my dad when I was 22 so I know the pain that my nephew is experiencing with all this news.

well he called d this morning and told her that he found out on thursday and flew up there so he could be the one to tell his sister she is going to die.
Now this is odd.

he told d some things and one of them that struck me as total MLC was .. SIL was talking about having to clean up hte house and get things in order for her son(21) and the talked about her funeral. Now this is not what someone who just learned they are going die usually does with in a few hrs.

so H's comment was .. "You have 3-12 months to do this pick anywhere on the map and I will take you there"
Now many my disagree but I see this as a MLC thing.... do all th stuff before you die thing.

is she going to remember this when she is dead NO

I thought today what would I do if it was me.
gosh traveling was the last thing. I would do all I could to make happy memories for my children and mom and sister.
I would want all of them to remember me as one who never gave up and enjoyed life til the end.

yes I would make sure financially everything was good for my kids and sister and mom and they would know where things are and how to get them.

but for some reason traveling and seeing things just doesn't fit in my plans.

well..
tonight before d left I asked her if H really told her he did not want to talk to me. she said.. he told me he appreciated your messages but doesn't want to talk about the 2 of you right now.
?? wait...?? I sent him a msg to give his dad a hug and one fore him and that asked if he was ok...?

I believe she is lying again... she has driven a wedge between H and I since the week he came home last yr. she moved her room to the guest room for she refused to sleep at our end of the house.
I think she has told him things to keep him away. I honestly believe she has sabotaged any chance of him coming back several times.

I will let it go..

tonight I will send a simple txt telling him to tell his sister I am praying for her and her H and son.

that is it nothing else.

I will not expect a response. Part of me thinks that he has OW with him.

Now I do know he told them about me getting a new puppy for d said her cousin new about it and H told him.
that I found odd... whey would he tell them about my dog?
Oh wait... he told d that the puppy was cute and he liked it.
didn't tell me that.

I am feeling less and less close to him right now.
like if he has OW with him right now during this family crisis then he has bought himself his D and it will happen sooner than he thinks.

I am bitter right now and I can't figure out why

Yes you are bitter and you are blaming your D. It is not her fault your H is in MLC.

Don't text your H again just send a message to SIL.

I wish I could she is in the hospital still.

sent a card today to the house.

i think my bitterness is due to no knowing if ow is with him.
if he doesn't want to talk to me it makes me think she is.

he has been open with me about things and we talk about the kids and well unless he is not talking for fear of crying on the phone with me.

talked to my mom tonight and she was no support at all.
she never has been so not sure why I called. .... she is painting her living room AGAIN so gosh I interupted her.

going to have a glass of wine and watch tv and take my puppy out a dozen times...
oh so much fun I can't stand it...

I am depressed and need to snap out of it NOW