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MAL,
We were physically separated both because of the affair and the move. If I had known about the affair I would have left because I would have needed to get a lot stronger to deal with that. Where we were living was still far from my home and life long friends and I would have needed them to keep from completely going off the deep end. Because the affair was largely over, I could get strong enough to deal with it. My H never wanted our marriage to end I never wanted it to end but I wasn't sure if I could keep my self alive and well and be married to this man whom I never stopped loving. So we were separated primarily for the move but it was fortunate that they occured at the same time because we both needed alone time.

2L

Thanks 2L,
Sounds like the timing worked out well for you. How long were you separated?

Unlike you, my H was confused and didn't know if he wanted to work on our M. He didn't know if he wanted me or OW.

He went to SIL's house. He came back home for about a week and a half, but didn't stop talking to OW. He promised me and C it was over, and he would not speak to OW anymore.

H left again, and went back to SIL's. Eventually he chose OW over our M, and he walked away. He spent many nights with OW. Eventually he moved in with OW, and has been living there for a couple months now I think.

Recently, he has been wondering if he made the right choice. I initiated a couple R talks. Then he initiated some. He has opened up a lot about problems in R with OW, and things he misses in our M. He has also taken some accountability for his role.

But he is still there with her. Nothing has changed. In many ways, I see him changing into someone I do not like. He has admitted that he doesn't like who he is becoming either. But just like a man in an A, he does nothing to stop it or change the situation. May be a pride thing. He is also afraid of taking a chance on me and whether or not things "will change" (like they haven't already).

Sorry to hog your thread. But I thought I'd share a little bit of my story.

We all have different stories, and our kind of pain. Wish my H had been willing to work on our M, like yours. I am so glad things worked out well for you.

I'll be back by. And if you ever feel like stopping by, I'd love to get your input. Thanks again for sharing!!