Hi! New here, but my H told me Dec 7th he wants out of our marriage. I was devastated. Got angry at first and then began trying to piece us back together. He moved out of our house Dec 14th and is still gone and convinced our marriage is over and not worth trying to save. He's told me he doubts his love for me and whether or not he ever really loved me. We've been together 7 yrs, married almost 3 of those yrs. I've read the Divorce Remedy and it's like Michelle was in the room when my H told me his reasons for leaving. It sounds just like a MLC, but nothing I say to him seems to bring him back. He just keeps telling me that he's unhappy and trying to follow his heart, that this is what's best for him. When I explain to him that I just want him to try, he tells me that he could come home but he knows he would not put forth the effort it would take and we would end up back in this place months or a yr from now. Last Thursday was the last time I saw him and spoke to him. I've decided after speaking with a coach, that I have to start doing thing differently than I have been b/c the old way is obviously not working in my favor. So, I am trying to not contact him in any way for 2 wks. It's so hard. I want to save my marriage so badly. I love my H with all of my heart and I want to help him thru this. I know that I can't, and that I must let him come to the realization on his own. It's just really hard
Just stopping by to say hello and see how you're doing. Sounds like you're doing well- love the IT skills manifesting themselves!
Originally Posted By: ba065
If I didn't think that he loved me deep down or that our M didn't stand a chance, then it may be easier to walk away....but, I'M NOT GIVING UP....I AM STRONG and God is guiding me down the path I must follow.
Today, I'm in control of myself and what I want to do. Today, I will be strong and ready to face what lies ahead. Today, I will have a good day/night.
That, BA is why you're the DBing queen, and why that Oscar is on your mantelpiece!
How are you feeling about the changes in H’s behaviour, e.g. pursuing calls at work? I can imagine it must be nice, infuriating and scary all at the same time!
So sorry you're finding yourself here. Take a deep breath- you have DR so that is a great start. Read the success stories- they will give you hope. A good way of getting others to learn more about your situation, and get some tailored feedback and advice is to start your own thread; post on mine if you need help getting started.
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
I'm upbeat about the changes I'm seeing in H but don't want to get my hopes up! I hate having that damn rug pulled out from under me over and over and over!
H did end up calling about an hour ago...just checking in...told me what he did for lunch and was on his way to a meeting with two famous rock/roll stars (clients)....kinda cool...he's unphased! Said he'd call later before work lets out....????
How are things with you? Whats new in jolly old England?
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Sorry you find yourself here and dealing with such a crummy situation. Please take the time to read everything you can about MLC. Read DB. Read the MLC archives.
Come here often to vent and read others posts and progress. It will be very helpful to you!
Start your own thread so that people can follow you and help you cope with what's going on!
This board has been a saving grace to me and my sanity and everyone you talk to will be supportive and caring...they'll tell you when you're doing well and they'll tell you if you aren't.
I know how much pain you are in and I know how hard it is to deal with this.....Hugs to you! If you need help, let me know!
BA
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Things are OK over here- nothing too exciting to report, although there was a bit of contact from H today (I'll post on my thread in a bit). I was super-busy at work today, which was nice. And my boss was flirting with me- not sure what to make of that, but he is good-looking and rich, so it was flattering!
Great news about the calls from H today. It's so hard to NOT have expectations isn't it?
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Hi BA, thanks for your help on my thread...now my temporary drama is over, I've had some more time to read others and I just read yours, and I cant believe what I'm reading !!!
Your H is a big child (sorry, but he sounds like he is right now).
I think you should take heart from the fact that, hes still in the house and not moved out, that he talks to you, thats hes willing to go to C (are you still going??), that he RINGS you 6 times a day! and that he lies in bed and gives you cuddles.
This is clearly a confused man, but it doesnt seem to me that hes done with your R. I think, reading your posts, that you're still very emotionally connected. I'm not expert (!) but I reckon you should work harder on the 180/detachment stuff. At the mo, you are always where he knows you'll be. Is that right? Maybe wrong foot him a bit...he disappears at lunchtimes sometimes, or was doing that, calling the MOW (who sounds as childish as your H by the way!)..so why dont you start doing a disappearing act? Be out sometimes..dont answer the phone sometimes..be vague. See if he misses you? Hes got it all on a plate at the mo..well, unless i read your sitch too quick there and misunderstood.
Does your H really moan about everything then? Its interesting, he does sound alot like my "people-pleasing" BF..I cant believe his answer to you that he "just wants everyone to be happy". That sounds bad doesnt it, for his own sake I mean, wheres his happiness in all this...and you asked him and he said "I dont know" ! He seems very lost. Considering his age and moaning about the past 2/15/22 years of his life, sounds very MLC, but what do I know! I cant even tell if my own BF is in MLC...but he may just be depressed. Do you think your H is?
I know its hard, thinking of this OW, but shes just a red herring I reckon, shes not the problem. Your H is still with you though, that speaks volumes I think. Thanks for your help !
It is soooo hard not to have any expectations. H and I have been doing so much and getting along so well but he is determined that there is something wrong with it. I don't get it. Our cell phones got turned off so ther will be no hearing from H tonight and like you when I don't hear from him my mind goes off and wanders to where it should not be and I am finding out half the time it is wrong. Coming to this board is the best to get your mind off it. My C today said he can't believe the changes and has already told a couple of his clients about the book and website. Have faith Ba because right now that is all you can do--it is so hard not to get hopes up though. You are in my thoughts.
Me 36 H 35 S 13 & 10 M 15 yrs- 2gether 17yr Bombs 7/06, 6/07 ILYBNILWY 7/07 OW 7/07 Left 9/07
