I feel like I am so lacking in many areas especially with how I treated my W through our marriage. I did not physically abuse her but I could have made her feel safe. She was very much loved but I let things bother me too much and she did not have to hear me distressed or angry.
She used to know me as someone who was slow to anger. I don't know what happened.
A big deep AMEN to that one.
These are my friends now!
But someday baby... You ain't worry my life anymore
Take away, take away what I don't need, save the good part please. Fade away, fade away.
In my case I let my own fear .... take over when I should have been proactive about dealing with what was in front of me.
I am 100% guilty of this one. W was in MLC over a year before the bomb but it really started to show (come to a head)about 3 months before the bomb. However, rather than doing something about it, I sat there with my thumb up my butt hoping that it would solve itself. W even said at that time that she thought we should go to MC but I left it to her to organize and we never did go.
Grace, I'm confused about something. What did your H actually say to you? ILYBINILWY? Does her say that he wants a D? I only ask because it seems odd that that not only has he not moved out but he even sleeps in the same bed. Is it a show for your kids or is he afraid to commit? His actions seem to point to a lot of confusion in him.
M35 W37 S9 D6 M12 yrs Know 15 yrs Bomb 1/28/07 My Sitch Failure is the opportunity to start again more intelligently - Henry Ford
Everyone here looks back with regret, wishes they had done some things differently, taken action sooner...
Instead of running away from this, we've all chosen to work towards becoming people that we are prouder of, people who make choices that our future selves will not regret. Our spouses could also make this same choice and some of the choose to eventually, especially with our good example.
We are all totally awesome!
(dated slang, I know - even 'slang' is dated, but what can you do?)
Grace, the fact that he's willing to hang around while you raise your kids together is great. I even think your H deserves just a tiny bit of credit for that, since he could leave. At some point, he'll look up and see what's in front of him, and he'll be the one kicking himself for the chances he's wasted.
Care to share your thoughts on when you might date?
mmf- I agree. I am so priveledged to have her and the folks of this bb in my life. I don't believe in coincidences.
Punkt-If only we had a time machine.
Imageer-I was told he was not in love with me and wanted a D. He blames me for alot. Some of which I am responsible for. I think he has an avoidance problem. So, I suspect it isn't so much show as when he does make a move he's not likely to turn around. I think he may be confused, but mostly depressed.
kiki- hey there! Thanks for the compliment on my name. I suppose this is kind of twisted, but I chose it for Grace O'Malley (yes, the pirate) and b/c I strive for grace (but her story really had me decided).
Ingrid-I think I find it disturbing that I don't see the slang as outdated.
I do give him credit for being here to raise our D's. If he does nothing else, that will be enough. They (H and D's) deserve that.
I have given that dating thing alot of thought. B/c H is so adament that it's over. I was raised without ever knowing my father and I can attest to some of the stupidity girls in that sitch go through. Also have had friends with lots of "Uncles" growing up. Having said that my personal (not judging anyone else's position here) take is that I will not date unitl D12 has graduated from HS. I thnk itdoes a couple of things I'm NOT interested in. 1.Puts my lovelife before my D's. Let's face it, in a new R where is your focus? 2.Puts my D's at risk with a man who wouldn't be their Dad (providing I left them alone with him or remarried). I know it's only six years and I can do it, but I 've got to say that I really miss some form of romantic affection. I know we all want that. My age doesn't help me either. I'll be 57 before I'll consider myself available for dating (should H D me). On the plus side, I would be older, but a whole LOT wiser.
