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Mojo
I realized that I just kept buying the same three outfits in different colors and textures. How many hoodies does a bunkey need?
So we are clones? At least when it comes to hoodies and some of the zoo animals. In my case the St Bernard over shadows the monkey/wolf and the puppy is living a woman that wants to be cuddled and it stops there.

And to answer the hoodie question, "TWO." One that you can get dirty and paint on, and another one to wear to go to IHOP/Costco/service calls. I don't wear the hoops. Not my style but you look good it they are not too big of a hoop.

Yes BB has "some" of your mothers traits but I see some differences, thankfully.

Hoodies rock!
It was -10 this A.M. and I had regular summertime underwear on, a flannel shirt, a pair of kaki pants, gloves and my hoodie, while I shoveled the 16' X 40' driveway. I wasn't cold.

I wish I had some of Lil's 80f degree air she had last week but here the sun was shining and the air was very calm. While I was shoveling in the sunlight, I was warm enough. In the shade, berrrrrrr, shudder.

Lou

Apparently not because I feel the need to own 6 hoodies. One light blue casual classic, one soft gray with kangaroo pocket, one long black with smocking under bust line, one fluffy white terry, one dark blue short sleeve belly baring and one that I haven't bought yet that is really fancy with a big gold zipper and gold lining in the hood.

(LFL) What is it exactly that you couldn't handle?

Expectations.

I suppose I could spell it out more if need be, but at least for the next couple of years my life doesn't lend itself to being in a full blown romantic relationship because I would never choose the woman over my kids. My boys seem fine with me dating; in fact the 14yo asks me about my love life and we trade stories (in a father-son manner) from time to time. They're both willing to be on their own for a couple of hours when they're with me so I can do my own thing. That's not the problem. The problem is...put it this way. Both my kids are in band. I will never allow myself to be in a situation where I have to choose between going to one of their band concerts and accompanying the woman in my life to the emergency room.

Does that answer the question? If not, let me know and I'd be perfectly willing to take another stab.

Lou then Mojo So we are clones?

Apparently not because I feel the need to own 6 hoodies.
Maybe half clones. I could use another hoodie.

Lou

Burg I will never allow myself to be in a situation where I have to choose between going to one of their band concerts and accompanying the woman in my life to the emergency room.

That sort of thing happens all of the time, so what is so strange.

If you said band comes before a gf's/new W's need to go furniture shopping, I see your point.

Lou

Yes, that answers the question.
I think guys think more like that than women.
Like if you can't do some of the St Bernarding (going to emergency room), you would just suck as a boyfriend anyways, so why bother?
That makes sense to me.
Every R entails some expectations though. Gets tricky.

LFL

(LFL) Like if you can't do some of the St Bernarding (going to emergency room), you would just suck as a boyfriend anyways, so why bother?
...
Every R entails some expectations though. Gets tricky.

Yep, but if I tried to full-zoo with somebody it would be especially tricky. For instance, I can go with her to the emergency room on Tuesday but not on Wednesday (if Wednesday is band night).

I think there are two answers that don't involve lying. One is to focus on my friendship Rs and father-son Rs and leave romantic Rs for the future. The downside is celibacy (which, I have learned, ain't the end of the world). The other is to be wolf-dominant in wolf-dominated Rs. As you say, that would be tricky in its own way, but it would be much more consistent than any R that included the on-again/off-again St Bernard.

The problem with that is I was married at 21 and dated exclusively (mostly) for almost four years before that. Being wolf-dominant in Rs is not second nature to me. I could comfortably fall into the "no romantic Rs" option but I suspect a large part of that decision would be avoiding the anxiety I'd have dealing with the unfamiliar (i.e. wolf-dominance). The answer seems to be working at being wolf-dominant until that option causes no more anxiety than the no-romance option, then making an honest choice.


ETA:

I think guys think more like that than women.

Yeah. That dovetails with others' ideas I've been reading recently.

Huh. Maybe I'm missing something, but I see a third option.

You could be open to giving women the zoo tour, and if any of them seemed interested in a season's pass and you dug them too, explain very clearly what you stated above: where you are in your life right now, if she has to go to the ER on band night, she will go by herself. Any woman whose worldview not only accepts but endorses those priorities will not run screaming from the zoo. You can keep things on a seasonal level until your kids are older, then see if you're interested in a lifetime pass....

I realize you'd be running the risk of getting entangled with a woman who says or believes that she'd be okay with your kids coming way first, but then acts inconsistenly with that once into the relationship ....

Burg, if your kids played in a band every single Wednesday night and on one particular Wednesday night, you saw a stranger get hit by a car, there was no one else to accompany the stranger to the ER, AND the person's life was in danger, I would expect you to go to the ER.

OTOH, if your kids were being awarded a Grammy or playing at Lincoln Center on some Wednesday night, and your gf was a regular visitor to the ER for migraines or something, I would expect her to go alone on this particular Wednesday.

My bf told me from day one that his kids and his mom would always come first. I understood that that would be the case if we were bf-gf. Marriage might have changed that, but maybe not.

Okay, that's cool. I didn't understand your sich. You surely deserve a gettin' your ya-yas out wolf phase of life post-crap LTR. My sich is different because I was married to a man who was a seriously non-affectionate non-validating dick head and vibed dysfunctional wolf/monkey to the extent he was sexual for 19 years so I need a date-men-who-treat-me-like-my-7th-grade-boyfriend phase. I want everything to be light and romantic. Of course, I can't actually have sex with them unless they vibe a bit wolf too.