Mopsey - I think a bit of your h ENJOYS his pity parties. I have followed your thread for a long time now, and I think you are very kind and compassionate.
These MLCers are all emotional teenagers at bottom, and yours is the kind who lies in a room he has painted black, luxuriating in his grief!
Goodness, I would want to slap him good and hard.
My take on all of this would be to remain brisk and pleasant. Only he can sort himself out, and I do wonder if you are facilitating his self pity by being sooooo nice. I don't intend any criticism. Goodness knows that dealing with MLC bs tests the patience of an angel.
I am not advocating being nasty, just a bit less soft with him. Self pity [as we all know] can get to be a habit.
Thanks WCW...I did see FW comment and put it into the folder I keep with a lot of different comments that I have read throughout the years (isn't that sad).
Angelica: My H is the king of the pity parties. About 14 months ago I tried having a harder edge with him and it just fed into his poor me scenerio. I find it better to be kind at this point.
Journaling:
H had a job interview yesterday. Went out on the road with a food salesman for the day to see what the job entailed. He called me afterward and said he liked it. I didn't say too much because he always thought I hated his bartending gig and wanted him to get a "real job"...I just told him that I knew he loved his current job and I hoped that whatever he decides he will be happy with. He said he will have to see if he gets an offer and if the money is more. So, interesting....we shall see.
H came by for just a very little bit before he went to counseling last night. He seemed to be in a decent mood. Not down like sunday. He got a tm on his phone and he actually showed it to me. It was some sort of spam....but i couldn't believe he actually held his phone up to me. Trust me when I say, H never would have done this a year ago. I wonder if he was showing me that it wasn't MOW....whatever.
He called after his session to see if I needed anything at the store and to find out what time i was taking d12 to swim. We were leaving in a few minutes...no time for him to stop back.
While i was picking d12 up I had a missed call from H. I called him back and he wanted to know how s15 did at his meet. It was far away so I didn't go...I just filled him in on what s15 told me. We talked for a bit and he said he was tired and going to bed.
I did tell H that s15 was going to voluntarily watch the state of the union address. Not for school, not for me....just because. I told H that s15 is very into Sen. Obama and politics, and I was glad he has an interest in what is happening in the country he lives in.
H tm'd me later how proud he was of s15. He said that he has the best of me and the worst of H. (implying the stubborness that is keeping s15 from acknowledging/forgiving/communicating with H). I tm'd him back that I see so much of the good from H in s15. O truly do. He tm'd me a few more times.....after he dove into this pity party but I stopped tming him back. I just wanted to hang with d12 before bed without trying to boost up H.
Anyway, we had a little bit of an ice storm after I got to work today. H called me at one point to make sure I got in. Whatever. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop or the roller coaster to go off track. I can't get sucked in again by manipulation. I pray that he is making some progress.
I know what you mean about the cell phone secrecy. There's times now when my H will show me something on his phone and I go waahoooo! to myself. To me it's one tiny step and we're looking for gazillions of them but it starts somewhere right?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Ice storm on friday gave us all a day off. It was so nice. H was at his parent's house and I could here in his voice that he wished he was here. He called a few times to check in. He first called to see if I had work because the roads were bad and he was worried about me. I appreciated what he said. Not reading into it though.
Got up early today to run some errands since tomorrow I am tied up in the morning with d12 at softball, in the afternoon for d12 and a swim meet and then the super bowl...and s15 and his friends.
H called this morning. Must be in a real down cycle with the depression. I could tell in his voice he had been crying. He asked what I had bought at sam's and when I told him he said it sounded like i was having a super bowl party.
I told him that s15 was having some of his buddies over and that I had told s15 that i was going to invite H over to watch with me and d12 upstairs. S15 was ok with it....relatively speaking. H was crying and saying that s15 didn't want him there. I told h that it was fine, but I respect his decision to do what he wants. He can come or not....
Anyway , he showed up a little while later looking shattered. He was quiet while he was here. D12 was doing homework in her room and I sat with h for a bit. He left for work, crying on the way out telling me to have a great night.
I could hear him sob all the way to the driveway. It was heart wrenching, yet part of me still wonders if he is manipulating me or if he is reaching out to me. I just don't know. It is so very hard to watch the depression and wait.
Anyway, just went out to dinner with my dad and the kids. We had such a nice time. It was good to get out. Took d12 to Dick's to look at softball bats for her birthday and my dad gave s15 the book to study for his learner's permit (he will be s16 in march). It kind of made me gasp to think that he will be 16.....and his dad is missing so much of his life.
So that's that. Looking forward to a busy day tomorrow and then the game. I have been a giant fan since I was a little girl and my grandpa would watch them and root for them, so it will be fun tomorrow to think of him.
