Note to IC: I'm sorry if I was particularly judgmental/cranky about your deal yesterday. I had PMS and I hadn't gotten laid since before Xmas. Go forth and sin no more monkey-brother. Peace be with you.
Note for Those of You Unable to Read Between the Lines: FSG tricked me into having phone sex with him last night so now I am in a very good mood. I actually think everybody should have phone sex as part of their relationship. It is by far the easiest and most enjoyable way to get all the inside info on your partner's sexuality.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Yeah, he took advantage of my tendency towards babbling and at an appropriate place in a convo was like "Did you ever have phone sex? How did that work?" - lol
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I remember you used to have phone sex with your 2bx and it worked quite well.
Right. The summer after I joined the BB my 2bx had a job where he was traveling a lot so we did quite a bit of it. It's obviously a physically low-performance anxiety sich but a lot of verbal preference/fantasy info is naturally exchanged. Of course, I'm quite good at it since it combines three of my strongest skill sets because it requires verbal ability, imagination and rather fluid sexual arousal/orgasm. However, FSG actually did most of the talking last night which was very, very .....yum.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Note to IC: I'm sorry if I was particularly judgmental/cranky about your deal yesterday. I had PMS and I hadn't gotten laid since before Xmas. Go forth and sin no more monkey-brother. Peace be with you.
Mojo, No need to apologize. I'm the one that needs to step up to the plate and apologize to you, Burg, Blackfoot, Stig and anybody else I may have offended. I'm sorry.
I've got some personal issues, some health issues and it's shed some new light...Corri knows what I'm talking about. I'm trying to get a message across to some people very near and dear to me...through actions. But instead of grasping the message, they are questioning the motives and I'm letting that frustration boil over onto the BB and into my posts. No more.
Anyways, this is my segue into saying that although it may not be apparent due to my random fumbling/stumbling manner, on some level I actually have been working my way towards following NOP's advice to me which was to try to find a Wolf who was ready to settle down for my next LTR. IOW hook-up with a guy who is signaling some variation of what Jack is signaling in the article above. At first I thought this was sort of Mission Impossible but I think I've got it pretty much figured out now.
Well, isn't this really the difference between immature wolf and mature wolf. The wolf, through age and wisdom, realizes that keeping himself strong yet detached is really not fulfilling in the end. The wolf wants the same that everyone else wants. He just wasn't willing to let himself be in that vulnerable a position before. So you probably would be smart to find yourself a mature wolf MJ.
Mojo I actually thought that you had indicated once that BB did have her own money which she was spending on the doodads. BB was working 2.5 days a week and was in shopping addiction mode, using almost all of her paycheck for her toys.
Then some of her relatives died and left her some more money, which she started to spend like water. Mean while I was making $20 here and $50 there to pay for daily/monthly/yearly expenses. It was one plays, the other pays situation.
If you are ....making a semi-conscious mental calculation along the lines of thinking that your best bet financially at the moment is to do your best to "control" BB then that is contributing to your marital fusion.. I am letting go of some of the resentment I have because of the buy/use/dispose of good things situation. I also try to limit what BB spends but don't try to control her. I do try to limit some of the fusion behavior but also go into losing respect for BB mode.
We do the fun money to a degree. So many things I want to do, BB will not try because of some fear she has. She will travel but to her, motels have bed bugs, she needs "her" potty, and she will miss the dogs.
If I solve those problems, she will go places with me. So far a large motor-home would work. I offered to buy a 21'er but the dogs were/are still a problem, so I Quit thinking about a solution.
Other fun things have a 4 hour limit for BB, because of the dogs. OH well????
Well, isn't this really the difference between immature wolf and mature wolf.
You guys are mixing up the animal analogies and it's going to go from useful to utterly confusing in a hurry. 'Wolf' was originally one facet of a personality, now you've got it being the entire personality type.
No one on this board has ever recommended that a guy be all wolf. Even the controversial killing of the puppy (which in actually is just letting the St Bernard deal with the puppy and no one else) leaves three active animals.
The wolf doesn't have anything to do with deciding how detached to be. That's the zookeeper's job. Both blackfoot and Stig have claimed to be, essentially, all wolf in their recent relationships, but they've both also been married. Obviously their zookeepers at one time showed that they value connection. But now isn't the time, so until that changes, visitors to the zoo only get to see the wolf (and maybe a bit of monkey and perhaps a glimpse at the St Bernard). That's a mature zookeeper.
I'm not in a position to be in a real relationship at the moment, either. The easiest thing in the world for me to do, though, would be to find a nice girl, start a relationship and give her a pass to see all the animals. Eventually one of two things would happen. The R would progress beyond the point I was capable of handling and I'd shut down the zoo to her. No admittance. Or she'd eventually notice the parts of the zoo that are in significant disarray and either stop coming around or start trying to fix. (Every man's zoo needs a little disarray for the woman to be interested in fixing but the load bearing walls, for one example, need to be in proper working order.) Would it be more mature for me to go down that route or to recognize that what I've got is a one-wolf show and only allow my zoo to appeal to women who are looking for that?
It amuses me that people see this Jack Nicholson thing as some kind of vindication. "Oh, look, his philandering ways have left him empty and now he wants what all of us, deep down, really want." Seems to me that Jack has lived his life the way he wanted to all along (ala Ted Nugent ). I haven't seen him say that he regrets how he's lived, only that at this point he wants something different. Based on his past results at getting what he wants, I'd bet he's going to be successful at this, too, and continue enjoying his life.
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
The R would progress beyond the point I was capable of handling and I'd shut down the zoo to her.
This part I find especially interesting. What is it exactly that you couldn't handle? I'm being very sincere here. Is it that you would start to have feelings for her that you didn't expect? what?
BB sounds quite a bit like my mother. I always know it's a dark day in Mojo land when I start thinking that I am anything like my mother. I started freaking out a bit because I was spending money on clothes and stuff like that right after my break-up but my desire to shop was rather self-limiting because I realized that I just kept buying the same three outfits in different colors and textures. How many hoodies does a bunkey need?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You guys are mixing up the animal analogies and it's going to go from useful to utterly confusing in a hurry. 'Wolf' was originally one facet of a personality, now you've got it being the entire personality type.
Yeah, my bad. I couldn't resist the joke about Jack. I should note for the eternal record that the cornerstone of my whole zoo philosophy is that EVERYBODY has all these facets to their personality but may be in unconscious denial or conscious abrogation of exhibition of certain animals in the zoo.
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The wolf doesn't have anything to do with deciding how detached to be. That's the zookeeper's job. Both blackfoot and Stig have claimed to be, essentially, all wolf in their recent relationships, but they've both also been married. Obviously their zookeepers at one time showed that they value connection. But now isn't the time, so until that changes, visitors to the zoo only get to see the wolf (and maybe a bit of monkey and perhaps a glimpse at the St Bernard). That's a mature zookeeper.
I absolutely respect this. My only point would be to question any guy who indicates that it's never going to change or question why any guy who didn't on some level want to facilitate such a change would be hanging out on this BB. Also, when a man says that he killed his puppy it makes me think that lingering fusion from his past relationship might be part of the reason for hanging in wolf mode and maybe he might want/need assistance with that since that is roughly the purpose of this BB. Of course, there are a bajillion practical and purely preferential reasons why a guy might want to hang in just-exhibit-wolf mode. The universal and obvious one being simple lack of simple resources.
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The easiest thing in the world for me to do, though, would be to find a nice girl, start a relationship and give her a pass to see all the animals. Eventually one of two things would happen. The R would progress beyond the point I was capable of handling and I'd shut down the zoo to her. No admittance. Or she'd eventually notice the parts of the zoo that are in significant disarray and either stop coming around or start trying to fix.
I guess the reason I'm inclined to semi-argue the point with you is that I believe that this is mostly true but so what? Why is it any worse of a choice to have to deal with these consequences than to choose to only exhibit the wolf? What if you were in a position to form a relationship? You would still have to deal with a lot of this type of stuff unless you were planning on hooking up forever with the first acceptable female you encountered. OTOH, it actually is possible that even if you aren't looking for commitment and a female you hook up with is she might reject you for unrelated reasons.
The funny thing is that I might be the pot calling the kettle black in this regard because I don't know how to signal that I want affection with my sex without ending up with men asking for some level of commitment from me. Everybody has issues with vulnerability.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
). I haven't seen him say that he regrets how he's lived, only that at this point he wants something different. Based on his past results at getting what he wants, I'd bet he's going to be successful at this, too, and continue enjoying his life.