I agree with giving him the Bday gift, it will show him you still want to be connected with him.
Everyone doesn't understand why W keeps working this job and crappy hours. She only Makes $10/hr, easy to find jobs paying that in our area. Also I make enough that she really doesn't have to work. She is very good at what she does, is the best employee in the deli dept. They have asked her to become a manager, she doesn't want the responsibilities. She wants to go to the jewelery dept, more normal hours as it isn't open 24hrs.
I think she wants to keep working there because OM works there, although I don't think she is seeing him now. I don't know if he told her he won't see her until she's D'd and that is why she is on the fast track for a D or not. I have talked to her friend and old manager who said OM won't leave his wife, Yes he is M'd, for her. I do think they have had a PA in the past. I can look back and see where they stopped seeing each other twice. Just in her attitudes and how she treated me differently at times.
Most of the single guys at the lanes the women refer to them as hounds. When they find out one of them got a divorce they hound them trying to get a date. I think that's why the women have more respect for me, I'm just their friend, I don't hound them.
MC said W had something traumatic happen in her childhood or adolesence that is starting to come out. It's what is behind her MLC the MC says.She asked me to try to remember if W ever said anything about that, nothing comes to mind.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
She wants to go to the jewelery dept, more normal hours as it isn't open 24hrs.
I think she wants to keep working there because OM works there, although I don't think she is seeing him now. I don't know if he told her he won't see her until she's D'd and that is why she is on the fast track for a D or not. I have talked to her friend and old manager who said OM won't leave his wife, Yes he is M'd, for her. I do think they have had a PA in the past.
If W wants to work in jewelery deprt/store. Why doesn't she put her app in with all other jewelery stores, deprt???? Believe you are correct and has to do with OM. If OM would never leave his W, would he react if you approached him about your W???? Would it scare him off and he would tell your W, its over? Or is he just trying to turn her on and himself??? In a way your stitch is more difficult that most of us. Your W is not only WAW but doesn't even start to fit the mold of a WAW.
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
I think she wants to stay at the store she works at because OM is there also. In the past she has had some job offers. One was downtown as a customer service rep, $2 more an hour and they paid for parking and it was in the building where the offices were. I think she gets complacent and is comfortable with co-workers and is afraid to change.
As far as approaching OM, all the advice here says to not acknowledge OP. W has said we could work on M and get it back, but it would come back to where it is now again. My job is to convince her otherwise. She's afraid I'll change to get her to come back and revert to the old ways. I've told her I've read many books and wouldn't go back. I see the changes I have, will and must make. That unless she will give us the chance she will always wonder if it would have worked.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
As far as approaching OM, all the advice here says to not acknowledge OP
True and should have realized such. You sure have a strange stitch and are strong for holding on.
Quote:
That unless she will give us the chance she will always wonder if it would have worked.
This is how I feel all of us look at D and our own stitch. What we all tell our S. Just Frid. what I told H, together 20yrs, watch friends D with out even so much as one or two sessiosn with MC. Zero effort and we both promised to each other before we would walk away we'd give MC a chance. WAS or MLC what ever it is sure takes over. I have mixed feelings about the MLC theory. Why haven't you and I had this life shattering experience? That I don't get, I am older than H. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Not everyone gets MLC, if they knew what sent someone into it there would be better prevention. I think in my W's case she was defined in live as being Mommy, when the kids got older she wasn't needed in that capacity anymore. She had worked so hard to be a good Mom that she lost herself. Dropped her hobbies and interests for the kids things. I guess I still had my job to define who I was, although guys go through it that have jobs also. She looked back and said what if. What if we stopped at 2 kids and she continued to work, would she be an office manager somewhere? hen we had our third child she quit her job and provided daycare for others. She did that for 14yrs. Then she went back to work. She had been a secretary before kids but technology passed her up, from typewriters to computers and windows. I offered to work extra and she could go to school to catch up but she didn't want to.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
mike, how long do you think W has been having an A with OM? For me H had OW around (same prof.@ different states) one way or another for at least 2 yrs if not 3.. Either by info. ref. type work we are in, sharing continuing ed stuff, and then EA, which I believe went on for about 2yrs then moved to PA. Then he walked !!! Do you forgive your W if she is having a PA with OM or do you believe hasn't gone that far yet? just wondering. Start a new thread yet? calling it a night soon. grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
I think it's been on and off for a year and a half. The reason she left was I was following her, thinking she was meeting up with OM, she saw me and got mad. I do think it has gotten to PA. I could forgive it, I understand that A's are part of the MLC process. She said in a MC session that she thinks she's having a MLC, she doesn't know who she is, what she wants, has any outside interests or hobbies. MC thinks she probably had a traumatic event in her childhood or adolesence thats been repressed and is about to come to the surface.
I've tried to get her to go to see a doc about her constant sleeping, she denies anything is wrong. The sleeping just about all the time she's not working has gone on about 2yrs.
I could forgive the EA/PA, but there would be boundaries. She would have to find another job with regular hours and some weekends off. My plan would be one weekend a month we would go away for the weekend, to another city or a B&B. Once or twice a month go out dancing together. I'd like to join a club that takes weekend rides and do that also. Also find some type of hobby she likes to do and I'd do it with her also, something she likes to do not necessarily what I like to do.
Yes I started a new thread: Wife has filed, and on we go
Mike
Last edited by micoms; 02/03/0804:20 PM.
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
boundaries. She would have to find another job with regular hours and some weekends off. My plan would be one weekend a month we would go away for the weekend, to another city or a B&B. Once or twice a month go out dancing together. I'd like to join a club that takes weekend rides and do that also.
mike in away your W sounds so much like H, mine. H wants things for him to be different feel better, etc. Well Hello, you need to do something different (action) and no one can do this for you. I am so sick of listening to him go on about how terrible he feels. <YUCK!> MLC, they really do think about only their self and how terrible they feel or how terrible life has been to them. Honest even 3year olds don't whine as much BTW, where have we all heard the advice to make things different, do something different, ACTION , and action words. Guess some of this DBing is starting to sink in. Here is another website I picked up and really good. MarriageBuilders.com check it out. checked out your new thread. So what did you do for yourself this weekend? I nothing... about 5:39pm and am going to take dog out for a walk. Lord, I even feel guilty anymore because can't walk them all at once. LB look so sad when I leave with a dog.!! lol grid, lost
-Love of dogs, every time I loose a dog to the bridge,part of my heart goes too. Ever time a puppy/dog comes into my life,he gives me a part of his heart. If live my life long enough, in time I'll have the heart of a puppy. -unknown (w/character limit)
Went to S27's house to watch super bowl. Had three beers. S25 and D19 went there too. D19 wanted me to go out with her last night, I was thinking about it but a friend called and talked to him for a couple of hours. D19 was going to a sports bar where there was a good mix of people of different ages. Did some work around the house.
W thinks by walking away all of our problems will disappear. Haven't heard if she's going to get that new job. If she does I hope she gets her sleep at night like everyone else and thinks about our R.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Haven't heard from you in a few days. Did you give H the Bday gift yet? D24 came to the house to get some of her mail, W came with her(W picked D24 up from work). They stayed about 2 hours. I didn't bring up R talks at all. Asker W if she got the job in jewelery, she said not yet. She said that they are looking for a new manager in the deli, current one is moving, she's thinking about taking it if they will let her step back if she doesn't like it. I told her you'd be good at it, you've done it in the past on an interim basis when a manager would leave. If she did take managers job,, she would have closer to normal hours but she would have to find someone to fill her hours. I was supportive and encouraging.
I don't know what dreams mean but the last several nights I've had dreams about W and I. One is about 4 years in the future, W and I are taking GK's to Disney together. GS is about 5 or 6 in this one. Things are great between W and I in the dream. Another is W and I are in a new house and playing kissy face. It leads to a full blown make out session, I woke up before it lead to ML. In this one I don't know if we D'd or not but the separation leading to this was long, I remember that.
I don't know if these dreams mean any thing or not.
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
