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So, since I'm very likely going to be dropping Tuesdays, the only time I'm likely to see or talk to W (aside from that 1-hour Sunday crossover, where I'll avoid her) will be when we discuss the D papers - some of which'll have to happen in person.

Any thoughts or comments on how I should conduct myself then (other than not being a jerk of course)?

It's official!

I am no longer working Tuesdays.

THAT will be a huge stress-reliever!

Mman

Terrific to hear that you don't have to be around W for tuesdays anymore. Such a load lifted off your shoulders. Also called detatching, so less time with her will make things easier for you.

All i can suggest for the one hour cross over on sunday is keep you self busy. You have the new ipod with lots of things loaded into it. Don't go to her, if she happens to make contact with you from across the room, just wave and say H, and pretend to get a call on you cell phone, or just turn away and start a conversation with someone else. If she does come over to you, then just keep it short, and excuse your self, have to go to check on ..., or i have to run to the men room to wash my hand. What ever don't be standing there waiting for her to come and talk to you.

As far as the D conversation, I have nothing to say, except, talk to her when you are ready to talk to her. Stick to an outline of things you wish to talk about, (write it down who cares) then last but not least, if the conversation is not going the way you want it to. Say, W, i think we have done enough for today, or this is not getting anything accomplished that I wanted to so, its time to end the conversation for now, have a nice day. You control, stay if you want, leave if you need to. Don't let her control you and the conversation. Remember deep breaths, and self control. Don't go down to her level. You are on a much higher level then her. Don't go down to her, make her come up to your level it would do her some good.

Well thats my 2 cents

So happy for you with the tuesday thing.

phbear

Ah, Sundays won't be able to work quite like that. 'tis not an office job of which I speak, but an in-home-staffing kind of thing. I can still avoid her easily enough though.

Your advice on the D conversation seems very solid - I'll likely take an approach like that.

I'm excited. First I managed to drop Tuesdays, now I'm going to be ditching Thursdays as well - for class this time. I'll be doing a four-hour-course every Thursday night for Spring semester working towards my teaching license!

It feels SO good to be going back to school!

Other benefits of this include: I save 100 miles a week (400 a month...4,800 a year!) on my car by dropping those two shifts. I also save quite a bit of sanity.

In celebration of "no more Tuesdays!" I went with some friends to a local pub and had beer and cajun fries. Nothing quite like having good food and drinking beer when you otherwise would have been at work! hehehe

Awesome!!! What a feeling of relief for you. I know what you mean about being excited and feeling good about being in school again. I went back a year and a half ago after being out for nearly 15 years. It has been great! Good luck on your new endeavor!! Mmmmm . . . . cajun fries and beer . . . .

Cajun fries? In Minnesota? I'm dubious.

Good for you, on following through on your plans by dropping contact with your W and getting you some learnin'.

BD

I am so happy for you, going back to school, dropping another day to do something good for you! YEA for you!!

You will deal with the sunday thing just fine, I have faith that you will. You know how to do it.

As far as the D conversation, try what i said, you have nothing to lose. I personally think if you said its time to end this conversation because its not what I want to talk about, have a nice day and walk away. I really think it will make her stop and notice the changes in you. Which are great! It sounds from your last few posts that you are feeling better. I hope I am right.

Not a beer and expecially "cajun" kinda person, but like the idea of out celebrating with friends!

phbear

First, thanks you guys for the positive support and comments.

Nothing new has happened in the last couple days in regards to W - in fact, the last time I saw or spoke with her was Sunday.

I'll be seeing her tomorrow, though. A friend is having a birthday party, and I plan on going. I know she's been invited as well. She'll probably show (if she's willing to give up gaming for a friend's birthday), as will B and his wife. However, there's also going to be several other people there, so I can completely - or mostly - avoid interacting with them.

The party's important to me because these are people I've become closer with in the past few months. They know about the whole situation, and actually asked me if I'd be OK with them inviting "other side" of my issue (W and company) to the party. I told them I'd be fine with that, that I've got good "public nice face" and knew when to leave if I was getting upset. So, I'm looking forward to spending time at my friend's party.

Here's a weird/funny little thing. B's wife sent me this message on facebook last week:



I feel a bix of pity and "WTF?!" for her. The "wtf" factor being "Well, all you did was have a hand in persuading my wife that I'm a terrible human being and that she should leave me. And you've been helping crank up the drama-meter these last four months by adding fuel to the fire"

The pity from the fact that she so desperately wants to be a part of B's life (they're separated) that she goes to every event he's at, even if she's just sitting in a corner on her laptop.

So far I've chosen not to even respond to the message. Because how the hell would I and mange to be a) honest and b) not look like a hurtful jerk.

I should add that this isn't some big thing that I'm thinking about or that's tearing me up or anything. I just thought I'd share a bit of the wonkiness that's going around.

Man

First off, have a wonderful time at the party tomorrow. Don't you worry one minute about if she is coming or not coming, and what to do if she does come. YOU are doing a terrific job. YOU know what to do. Spend the time with your friends who have open their arms to you. I know you will have a wonderful time.

I bet you if she even shows up, she will not stay long. She will notice you are there and see all the great changes you are making. She will notice. Friends will also notice if she does not show where they stand in her life. Gambling vs friendship.

Now the second issue. Don't respond to that whole facebook thing. Just reply thanks so much for the birthday wishes. Be the better person, and that is it. Nothing more, boy that is just like a big sticky mess of glue. I cannot tell you what to do, but my head says don't. It will just get spun out of control. That whole thing sounds like more of a face to face conversation.

Have a wonderful time at the party

bear

*nod* I'm not going to worry about W showing or not showing at the party. I'm going to enjoy myself - and have a fun time with friends.

I do want to note: Gaming. Not gambling. As in, character sheets and dice. Roleplaying. *points at self* I'm a geek and proud of it. And still a gamer, too. It's just that it took control of our lives a bit too much for my comfort level. Still a big addiction for her though.

As for the Facebook thing - I'm not going to invest much energy in generating a response to it. If B's wife wants to talk to me in person about it, so be it. But I'm not going to get into anything over e-mail.