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Good for you Sooner;;

I go to a gym also...it does help to release so of the anger I have building up inside me...

I too am very jealous...I think the ones who still have some connection have a better chance of everything working out. Our H's don't appear to care or want to even talk about a reconciliation..

I'm starting to get a little discouraged about all this....I miss him sooooo bad...but I have not cried in front of him, or told him I love him or anything for over a week now and that is huge for me....

Treese

Treese:

When our H's have gone dark on us, how can we make things work? How can they see our 180's if they aren't around? On the rare occassion that H does call all I can do is be up beat and pleasant. I don't think it's enough for him to see how much I miss him, love him and want to work on our R together.

I'm proud of you for being so strong!!!

Plus they have obviously developed feeling for OW...or at least they think they are in love....

Remember their green grass will eventually turn brown.....at least I hope.....

Yea, my 180's won't even be noticed...

You two! Cut it out! The stuff you are doing is going to make you feel better about yourselves! You H's don't have to see you doing it, to see the way it changes you. You probably won't even know it, but every time you talk to them you'll be more confident. You will sound stronger. When they see you, you'll be standing a bit taller. Maybe dressed a hair better. Having a bit more strength about you.

No one can tell you that will make them come back, but I think you are going to give them things to think about. And, you'll be better able to handle the outcome, no matter what it is!

Sooner, and Treese, I think that your H's see more than you think they do. (I think they see more than they think they do, they are not looking consciously). Be the best you can be!

(((((soonerlady))))) (((((Treese)))))

So what do we do when they've gone dark on us?

Anyone have answer/suggestions?

My H's OW is still in the closet. Our friends and families know about her but haven't met her. His coworkers don't know about her. So, I'm hopeful. I know that H is a very private person but somethings got to give.

I think my BIL's talk with him may have given him some food for thought and he may be doing some soul searching. I hope he was listening. BIL thinks he was. Said his demeaner was different than the first time this was brought up. He wasn't being a "salesmen" trying to sell his family on his new, wonderful love.

This weekend I believe that H is spending it with OW. I don't know for sure but my imagination is getting the best of me right now. He's there right now at the place where she works (SKANK!!!!) because he had a meeting there this am (he was there last night too). It's just too convenient to just stay there and spend time with her instead of coming home and spending time with his S's. When the bomb dropped, H told me that he loves OW but can't say that she's "the one". WHAT?!?!?! Probably just trying to be nice to me. However, he doesn't know the whole picture of her. Only knows the hotel ho and going out to eat OW. Also, when H & I had our 1 yelling argument he called me OW's name. WTF!!! Why would he do that?

Yea, I'm waiting to be called the other woman's name, cause then I WILL slap his face and throw his stuff on the lawn....

I can go dark but who am I going dark for...he's never around except when the kids want him or something like that.

Last weekend was sooooo nice...I almost thought nothing was wrong, nothing has changed...but then reality hit. And then I had a dream about the Ho!!! Why in the world would I be dreaming of her???Grrrr....I wish it was a dream where I was running her over with my car but it wasn't.. It was about her breaking her back and she was in the hospital and H ran to be with her...

I've really tried to put that Stop sign in my head about OW.. I could go crazy thinking about that one.. I normally now just act like I dont'care even though it is killing me...

((Treese)))

sooner,
On another thread, the idea of a "no think" weekend has come up. I think you might want one of those!

A lot of the questions you want answers to just don't have answers, and you end up using a lot of emotional energy trying to find answers. OW isn't worth the energy you are putting into worrying about her. So don't! Use the energy to build up yourself! I know you don't think he'll see it, but he will, over time. And you'll feel better, too!

Thanks Jeff & Treese

OK, I just got off the phone with H. He called me regarding finances. Offered to deposit money for him yada yada.

I was sweet & acted "As If" nothing is wrong. He asked me if I was going to take S15 hunting this weekend end and I said 'yes on Sat., what are you doing this weekend?' He's at the office where OW works and "isn't sure what he's doing" this weekend. Yea right! LIER!!! Why can't he just say that he's spending the weekend fing the ho if she is his love?!?!?! He has said that he "doesn't want to hurt me" so maybe that why he didn't say. TOO Fing LATE A@@! I did act like I wasn't bothered by his answer and maintained sweet even tone in voice. I need to take up acting!

I also ended the conversation with ILY dear. More of a habit end of call and not a desparate ending. He said 'OK, call me if you need anything.'

I've probably backslide down into the Grand Canyon!

I need to look up that "no think" weekend thing. Jeff - do you know which thread?

You're right about OW not worth my energy but I believe H is.

sooner,

If they've gone dark on you, you need to GAL (I know that you'll get sick of hearing this). There is nothing else to do. Any 180's should be for you IMO. If you look at yourself and see something(s) you want to change just b/c you're not the woman you'd like to be. Then do it. Any change or 180 not done for you won't stick and it just becomes manipulation that won't work.

I know you can't change anything in the past. So what about your future? Do you have goals? What are they?

It was on dar's thread..."I need to think of a new name for my threads", if I remember right. The name pretty much says it all!

Do you REALLY want him to tell you if he is spending the weekend with OW? Really, really? Yes, the lying hurts, but, it's not like the truth would be a bouquet of flowers. I don't know, sometimes we need to be careful what we wish for, you know? Look at Kissak, her husband wanting her to talk to OW to patch up his R with OW!

Right, the OW is not worth the energy. So, put that into you. Results on retrieving H are not guaranteed, but you can save yourself. And have a better chance of saving your M.