Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wandering Poster Settles In

Don't know what I did to deserve the hug, but I'll take it - back at ya.

You can't come in here and not get one! Unless you are a man, though there are man hugs, in appropriate situations.

((((All))))

Doing stuff for H used to make him angry.

Now, not so much.

I cook and he knows I'm staying away from red meat for him.

No thank you's,mind you, but no telling me not to.

Also, if he puts his laundry in,(he has always done this so it doesn't get mixed up with S's) I will finish it for him.

This used to Pis- him off and now he doesn't say anything and sometimes he even says thanks.

If he tells me not to I won't but he hasn't said that in awhile.

He is also doing stuff for me too.

Like if I make dinner, he will make salad.

Hmmmm hard to keep up wth this stuff

E

((((E))))

The frustrating part is with things I used to do all the time, and were expected, or at least noticed if I didn't do them. Like bringing a drink of water at night. Not a big deal, really, except when you've been doing it for a long time, and then you are told not to.

I came within two steps of walking out of the house this morning without saying a word. She is off today, and appears to have a cold, and not be feeling well. She was on the sofa, under a blanket, reading a book. I had gotten past where I could see her, and said, "bye", she croaked back, so I went back to where I could see her and said "You sound like you don't feel very good." She said she didn't, I asked if I could get her anything, she said no, and I left.

(((DH))))

Yea that hurts.....

Sometimes H does do that and i say o.k.(most of the time)

Sometimes I do it anyway.

If he doesn't want it he can leave it alone.

Like just this minute....

H walked in the door and I told him I had cooked chicken and it was in the fridge and he said thanks and then went straight to his room without eating.....

I'm leaving it at that...he may be seeing it as persuing right now????

I don't know but I guess I let it lie.....

E

DH, have you tried the mirror method? you do what she does, you act like she acts.

At this point, I think that means that she ignores me, and I ignore her. Unless she wants to criticize someething. I'm not sure how well it would work. But, nothing else has made any difference, either.

((((palgal))))

Hey Jeff! Just looking in on my favourite Yorkshire pudding!

Do you think it might be possible to just agree with your W when she criticises you? It would be an extreme version of validating....something like

W: You made the Yorkshire puddings with wine instead of milk. That was a dumb thing to do.

DH: I'm sorry. It was a dumb thing to do. You're right.

I don't know how well it would work but could be worth a go in a small way, monitor results and then ditch it if a couple of days of it doesn't bear fruit?

(((((DH)))))!

((((One Day))))

I usually don't argue, since she is very good at it! But, I probably try to defend too much. I think I will try your idea, and see what happens!

There was a long spell where I mirrored my H. I would simply act like he did, with my limits of course. I wasn't able to be as cold as he was, at least I didn't think so. Then I flip flopped and I was just sweet as a danish roll no matter how crabby he was, and when I couldn't stand being so sweet any more I would escape his presence. Sometimes that wasn't so hard because he wasn't home all that much.

Then again if you're ok doing nothing then remember that is still an action.