Hi. Don't think it has anything to do with the pregnancy. The other pregnancies (if anything) increased my desire and need for sex and affection. Could be, but i was feeling this before i got pregnant, so I'm not sure if maybe that's why I can't get any of those feelings back. I haven't really had any desire for H since he asked for D. It started getting worse before that, but that kinda killed it for me.
Karen - Never really thought about that. I always have wanted (and still want) 4 or 5 kids. When i found out i was pregnant (total accident, that .01% the Dr.s warn about), i was really excited. I know things weren't great, but I really thought that this would bring us together. All H could think about is how it was one more child that we would have to figure out what to do about if we split. I have had that though "something happened I would never find anyone to love me and my four kids", but not often. More often, "what would i do with all these kids" rather than finding someone to love me. It's something to think about though. Maybe some of the worry that i have felt just about he M is making me feel more vulnerable because of the pregnancy. Thanks!
Miss IC - I'd love to have your opinion, as corri mentioned that you may be willing to comment.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Do you think you could get your husband to read a book? I was thinking about "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert Glover. Your H seems like a typical "nice guy" as described in the book (not very nice at all, BTW). I say this because I see alot of my old self in your H. The book would help you better understand the hows and whys of a great deal of his seemingly weird behaviour too.
LM
Lucky me, I could have been someone else FOREVER! Whew, that was close!
Hi LM - I could try. He's been pretty opposed to reading books, thinks of it as homework. Sex and my love and desire for H (or lack there of) are only a couple of the issues we have and I've tried to get him to read before. NMMNG has a website though, right? I could probably get him to check that out, maybe by accident . H says he wants M to work but anytime i bring up books, counseling or even talking about it, i can count on an arguement. I don't even read my M books around him. I'll check out the book though. A better understanding of him will help. Thanks.
My post was meant for Miss IC, and it won't be cryptic for her. If she declines to comment, then I will explain further myself.
My apologies for the confusion.
Corri,
I think I know where this is headed but you might want to jump in. I'll let Miss IC know that she is being called to the podium, but her job has her swamped of late...any down time she has is spent catching up on sleep and not the boards
Well, duh... I knew in MY mind who I was addressing... sheesh, you all know me well enough by now that you should be able to read my mind...
Until one thinks about that notion for, like, a nano-second, and I realize how terrifying that thought actually could be for the faint of heart -- and not so faint of heart...
Until one thinks about that notion for, like, a nano-second, and I realize how terrifying that thought actually could be for the faint of heart -- and not so faint of heart...
Have you ever been at the mall or some other busy place and were thinking some bizarre and/or sick stuff (c'mon, you know who you are) and found yourself wondering if everybody else could read minds except you and they just keep a straight face so when they get around the corner they can laugh their a$$ off at how weird you are?
No? Just me, then?
Stop WaitingFeel EverythingLove AchinglyGive ImpeccablyLet Go
if everybody else could read minds except you and they just keep a straight face so when they get around the corner they can laugh their a$$ off at how weird you are?
NO, never. The other people are as clueless as I am. Well most of them, except for a few people here on the SSM forum .
I don't have a lot of time and I'm not sure what help I can be because I'm really just hitting the tip of the ice berg myself so Corri, feel free to jump in and save me on this one. k?
Most everyone on here knows a little about my background, but since Ann is new on here, I'm going to give her a condensed version because it's a little necessary to show my point.
Typical story...married 7 years...couple of kids...sex early on seemed great...things were good...I considered myself HD...considered husband HD...GREAT!! match made in heaven, right?? Wrong! {well, maybe not wrong...I still think we are meant to be, just taking a different road now }
A couple of years ago, things started to go south in the sex department. It just was exciting..or..or fulfilling for me anymore. I mean it was ok, but I didn't desire to have it. Sex had become a routine. A routine that I basically could do without. Had I become LD? ehh, I don't know. I just didn't know what I wanted. I DID know that I didn't want the type of sex that we were having and it basically equated to me thinking that I had lost desire in not only sex, but my husband as well. It led us to the verge of divorce.
About 6 months ago, my husband came on these boards. I don't want to make a long story longer by going into details about what all he did....he made changes to himself. Maybe a better way of putting it is...he FOUND himself! The desire for him that I thought had died, returned. Sex was great again. I thought "WOW! I'm HD again." But slowly things started getting routine again, only this time I could sense it...my husband could sense it. We KNEW what the problem was but didn't know quite how to fix it.
Corri recommended a web-site and my husband went to it. It was a web-site that approached sex in a different way. He tried it out on me...no expectations, open mind...OMG! I was floored!! I had found what I needed in sex, what I WANTED in sex. It was different..it wasn't the routine sex that we had been having. I crave different
When I say "different" & "routine"...I'm not talking about postions or toys or whatever, although...as Corri pointed out to me, that it CAN be about or include these. The key to what I'm trying to say is that YOU need to find what YOU want out of sex...and ask for it, or better yet...just do it and see what his reaction is. Maybe for you it is a new position or toy or whips & ropes {BTDT } We stumbled upon what Miss IC wants...What does Ann want? Find THAT...whatever it is and see what happens with your desire.
Ok, I gotta run. I'll try to check in later & more often but things are crazy right now!
Corri, How did I do? I know you KNOW what I'm trying to say but like I said, I'm still struggling myself to find "IT"
You realize that the more children you have, the less room in YOUR life for your husband. I know, I have 3 children, and they ALL come before me, which means pretty much there is NO place for me in my own marriage. I bet your husband feels like a third whell much of the time.
As for what to read, usually "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" is a good source. For LD women that want to fix their marriages, it lays out the strategy that MUST be implemented ( Dr. Laura says what most experts say, she just cuts to the chase).
Even if your husband IMPLEMENTED one of the man books like NMMNG or Deida or Wild at Heart, it still comes back to YOU, YOU are responsible for the relationship, not him. Heck NMMNG tells us guys to STOP working on those things that we can not control, and that is specifically the relationship.
. H says he wants M to work but anytime i bring up books, counseling or even talking about it, i can count on an arguement. I don't even read my M books around him. I'll check out the book though. A better understanding of him will help. 
.
} We stumbled upon what Miss IC wants...What does Ann want? Find THAT...whatever it is and see what happens with your desire.