Farm, Please don't be looking for the "stages" while he's like this. They can bounce back and forth through most of them in a matter of hours. The stages and the timelines that you've read are just something to think about and each person's crisis is different from the next. People tend to react differently when they are confronted with the things that life tosses at them.
Sit quietly, listen closely and validate his thoughts/feelings. Patience will be the most important key in this situation.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You are doing great. If the drama is too much for you, well you can always pull back a bit. You do this for you.
The trick to the timeline and the stages... Get two pieces of paper. On one write down "Timeline of my husband" at the top. On the other write down "Stages my husband has been in or will be in". Take a deep breath Crumple both of them up and throw them into the fireplace, and burn them.
That is how helpful they are to you.
You're doing good. Keeping doing good for you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I agree with you--I sometimes try to figure out where he is as far as his crisis is concerned, but in the end it doesn't really matter. He called last night, twice as a matter of fact, and I asked if he was doing better, he said, "I guess". He decided to self-medicate with alcohol to deal with it. I listened, said, "sometimes you have to do that" and that was about it for that topic. I decided a while ago that I was going to make decisions for my life as if we were not going to be together again. Even though we are slowly reconnecting, it might not work out and I can't base my decisions on "if" it will. He's still very confused--his words, so I go on with my life and talk to him when he calls. The ball is in his court as far as bringing up any R talks and steps toward reconciling.
Thanks again for your reply and guidance--I really appreciate it.
Thanks Jack--you made me smile. I know timelines, etc. are a waste of precious mental energy, but sometimes I slip. I'll remember your visual the next time it happens. I love fireplaces--I'm freezing here in Minnesota, so a warm fire sounds good!
