H showed up at lunchtime and made his own lunch. Seemed in a pretty good mood. Brought up that he stopped to look at cars. He mentioned that D15 will be needing on and that he might get one for him. H said that since I liked mine and didn't want one..... I do like mine but I would like a new one, I just question his motive. Oh course I chickened out instead of telling him that I question his motive. I am so afraid of rocking the boat.
H had mentioned at some point that he got my text from last night but not until this morning. H seemed kind of happy about the text. I joked that I was feeling rejected after not hearing from him the last two nights and I would have to find someone else. Flirted w/ him a little later and he seemed interested but didn't feel good.
Now he is upset because Ds new phone isn't working. He left to go to the store to see about getting it fixed or replaced.
So much for a fun afternoon. I asked earlier what I should do about dinner tonight as I would need to run to the store to get something. H seemed interested in eating here but then he told me ten minutes later that he was meeting a friend who is town. H told me the friend said hi. I thought that was strange as we never had much of a relationship and the friend never treated me very kindly. I also assumed this would be one of the few people H would have told that he moved out. The mystery continues.
H got Ds phone taken care of and was calmed down when he got home. We went to church and after we got home H got ready to meet his friend for dinner. I jokingly said something about I would bother him with any text. H said he probably we be going to bed early again as he needed to get work down today. I am guessing we won't see or hear much of him today.
I took the Ds shopping and to dinner. Came home and watched part of a movie w/ D10. Didn't text H and I won't be texting or calling today.
I tried to find a place online yesterday for a physical activity yesterday but struck out. I guess that will be my goal for today.
Yesterday was H's evening w/ the Ds. He called before I took D to the rink to say he couldn't be there right away. Told him it was ok as I had a meeting there. At least he rememebered he was supposed to pick her up. Still can't remember the time though. After I left H was beeping in on my phone while I was on a call. I ignored his. When I listened to the message it was something trivial again, but I called him to answer his question. Didn't tell him where I was or my plans for the evening. At the time I was shopping then heading to a meeting at church.
H sent me another not so important text while I was at the meeting. I sent him a simple answer. The meeting went later than I thought it would so I sent him a msg. to put D10 to bed. I felt bad going home because it was much later than H normally stays and he had a 20 min. drive. I apologized for being so late and asked him to send me a text when he got there. H said he would be fine and I didn't need to worry. I told him I do worry. Not sure that was the right thing to say and I was wishing I could take it back. Much to my surprise I got a text as I was going to bed to let me know he made it. I sent a thank you and got a you're welcome back. I took that as a big "small" positive. H hasn't let me know in a long time when he is late, gets somewhere or anything.
I have come to realize the last few days that I have not detached enough. I need to put some serious thought into goals and set some.
Hey, Go easy on yourself. Detaching is a hard thing to do. After all, you didn't get married so you could be "detached" from your husband, none of us did!
At least he is continuing with the texting and it seems like you see each other pretty much every day. I know it sucks that things aren't where you want them to be. I have read posts on this board from people who haven't seen their H's in weeks or even months. So as long as you have frequent contact and he initiates some of the text-flirting and things like that, keep up the good work. But yeah, detaching is probably a good move. If I could just follow my own advice...hee hee
What activity are you looking into? If you want physical maybe you could join a dodgeball team, or roller derby...
I have come to realize the last few days that I have not detached enough. I need to put some serious thought into goals and set some.
It sounds like, much like me, waiting around for our spouses to get out of their funk is going to be a long process. It's interesting that he text messages you off and on - I'm sure he gets lonely and wants attention now and again.
Making some goals sounds like a good idea, but you always seem to have the lions share of the responsibilities for your Ds - Obviously if your H isn't capable it's out of the question, but maybe you can push him to step up a little more often?
I just wanted you to know that we are at the same state of mind. In my thread you told me you wished you were as detached as I seem to be. Well I am not. I am getting there but you know why I think it has been easier for me? Because our work schedules were completely different all these years, I was actually a single parent all this time. He was -is a great father during the time he was-is with the kids, but that has not been much. He is a journalist and works from 10 to midnight everyday, Sundays 16:00 to midnight. I was used to being alone most of the time. And I am still trying to get over the empty bed at nights. So do not worry, it will come to you. Think of it as an investment, no matter how it goes you'll end up with a a fair deal for yourself and girls.
Take care, Kalni
PS Are you aware of the Law of Attraction? It works for me for the little things, It helped me a lot to find peace. Maybe you should give it a try...
I haven't heard about the "Law of Attraction." I'll have to look that one up.
I printed out a poem on detaching from BobbiJo's thread. I'll need to read it over and over.
My H was in grad school when my first was born and doing a fellowship when the second was born. I know what it is like doing most of it alone. My H often puts in long hours and travels.
As for taking care of myself I have:
1. Bought myself flowers for the third week in a row. This week they are yellow and orange roses. They brighten up the dreary winter and smell great. H still has not made a comment about this. 2. I bought myself a ring yesterday that says "Live*Love*Laugh". It is a visual reminder of what I need to do. I used to be a really happy person and I need to bring that back. 3. I am trying to be more patient and loving with my Ds. I took too much out on them the past year and that needs to stop. 4. Still looking into an activity to get involved in that fits my schedule.
H was out of town last night so he called on Ds phone on the way to school. That was unusual because usually he calls on mine. That had me worried. Then I sent him a text in the afternoon to remind him to pick up D. H respond "I know...I'm leaving ... to get her now." To me I thought that sounded like he was offended by my reminder. I talked to him later and asked about and he said he wasn't.
I had an appt. w/ my C today and she thinks I'm doing most things right. She was also encouraged by somethings H has been doing and saying. Trying not to get my hopes up. I know there is still a long road ahead.
H came to the house to have dinner w/ the Ds. H asked what they could make for dinner because he didn't want to go out in the cold. I gave him some options. I got ready to leave but H started talking and was very chatted. H asked where I was going...I almost responded is that any of your business I don't ask where you go. I didn't really feel that way though and this is one of the few times he has asked. I guess I should take it as a positive that H wanted to know where I would be. When I asked when I should be home he said any time was fine.
When I walked in the kitchen had not been cleaned up. That is something that normally pos me. I decided to ignore it and not let it bother me. H was kind of out on the couch and looked very tired so I decided to clean up quietly and say nothing about it. H thanked me later when he went out to do it and I think he really appreciated it so I'm glad I handle it the way I did.
H did share w/ me that he say a different C this week, but H saw is regular one today. Not sure what will come of all that, but I'm taking it as another positive.
Good for you cleaning the kitchen! That is something I want to try and be aware of this week, random acts of kindness. Doing the unexpected. You have inspired me to find a way to do that in the next few days. And I may get some flowers for the kitchen, too.
When I walked in the kitchen had not been cleaned up. That is something that normally pos me. I decided to ignore it and not let it bother me. H was kind of out on the couch and looked very tired so I decided to clean up quietly and say nothing about it. H thanked me later when he went out to do it and I think he really appreciated it so I'm glad I handle it the way I did.
It's amazing how unimportant certain things are now, isn't it? Sounds like you're doing well at letting some stuff just roll off your back and not get too concerned with it.
Where exactly is your H living now? Did you guys setup a schedule for your D's yet, or do they stay with you every night?
H got Ds phone taken care of and was calmed down when he got home. We went to church and after we got home H got ready to meet his friend for dinner. I jokingly said something about I would bother him with any text. H said he probably we be going to bed early again as he needed to get work down today. I am guessing we won't see or hear much of him today. 
