Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? H never came back from Iraq

You are dead on about his family. He doesn't call his mom or stepdad back much, he hardly talks to his sister, he bailed on them for Christmas and New Year's and he only showed up, unexpectedly, at the last minute for Thanksgiving. Oh, and his sister's birthday was Dec 20th, so he missed that too. On the occasions he goes down to their house, it's usually with the excuse of using some of his dad's equipment or getting stuff out of their storage shed, he rarely lets them know he's coming and rarely sticks around for dinner or any socializing.

Wow, so I have a lot of stuff going on. Another friend of mine from college apparently knows OW. She dated one of his fencing buddies, they both cheated on each other, broke up and got back together, etc. I talked to my friend this AM and here is part of our convo.

(10:32:34 AM) C: morning Michelle. I did some detective work to find out more about this [OW].
(10:32:42 AM) Me: lol oh really?
(10:32:59 AM) C: yeah well she is friends some with some people that I know
(10:33:30 AM) C: most of them think she is emotionally unbalanced
(10:33:51 AM) Me: i'd be inclined to agree from what little time i spent with her before all this crap happened
(10:33:59 AM) C: if you want
(10:34:11 AM) C: I could disseminate that she is dating a married man through my friends
(10:34:19 AM) C: they are friends with her and her friends
(10:34:48 AM) C: you would be complicit of any wrong-doing
(10:35:03 AM) Me: the thought of doing that definitely amuses me. i would be worried about it backlashing on me though

I do not like secrets. I am very tempted to let him tell his friends what OW is doing. I hope it would put some pressure on her, and ideally cause her to further pressure him about the D. What do you guys think?

I just really don't think the relationship will last long. I don't know if I would tell him to go around telling people that OW is dating your H. I don't think either of them care if people know. He went to see her and they are posting on myspace about each other. Doesn't seem like they are trying to hide it. If she does pressure him to file...then he might do it. Remeber he is still in that phase where it is new and exciting. He thinks she is making him happy. I just think it will wear off. My T told me that people who think the grass is greener soon learn that that grass has to be mowed and taken care of too.

I DO know how you feel though. I deperatly wanted OW's friends and family to know that she was seeing a married man. The thing is that people who haven't been through it may not think it is so horrible. And they will just say they started dating after you two separated. I just don't really think it will have the reaction you are looking for.

As for the other friend...I hope she is right. Hopefully they did get sick of each other on that trip. Did you think anymore about contacting him?

Yeah, I'll hold off on that for now.

As for contacting him - Okay, so I called H. Got his voicemail. Left him a quick message along the lines of Happy New Year, hope you are doing well, ttyl. And now he's calling me back....and hung up? I wonder if he got the voicemail notification and decided to listen to it first. We'll see I guess.

That's weird. Maybe that is what happened. I wouldn't call him back though. He could have just changed his mind. I think the ball is in his court now. Maybe he will call back.

Well, so far no call back. No e-mail or IM either (he's not on IM right now unless he has me blocked so I can't see him). I guess he changed his mind. I wonder what his dilemma is?

I'll give it a few days and see what happens. I may be still in no contact for a while yet. *sighs*

Sorry you didn't hear from him. Give it some time. Did you ask him to call you back?

How is school going?

He hasn't called. Or e-mailed. Or talked to me on IM even though he's been online. I don't think I said call me, I just said I'll talk to you later. I guess once he realized it wasn't "important" dealing with finances or whatever, he decided not to talk to me. Or maybe OW doesn't want him talking to me. Who knows.

School is going. It's going to be very busy the next 3 weeks since I have a compressed class that is over February 2d on top of 8 units of regular classes. Theoretically it should be a nice distraction, in reality, all of this is a nice distraction from school though most days. Hopefully I can get into a better routine next week.

Aww sorry Michelle... I was hoping for more response, know you probably were too. Good job not getting totally crushed by it though.

Hope you have fun this weekend and a good new routine very soon.

Yeah, I definitely am not sure what to think of the whole thing. In a way, it's KINDA easy to not take it too personally because H has never been terribly good at returning phone calls anyways, but especially the last 8 months. His best friend complains to me regularly that he hasn't talked to H in weeks. So, I try and say it's more H and possibly his PTSD but definitely his depression/withdrawal and less about me. But who knows, maybe it is about me and I'm just deluding myself.

I get to go to Cirque du Soleil tomorrow night (hmm I guess tonight since it's officially tomorrow lol) with a couple girlfriends. I am totally excited about it although I do have to work in the morning and on Sunday and then have class Monday. So I still have yet to have had a day off in a while, but I'll live.

I think Sunday I'm gonna make up a schedule for myself and write in workout time and homework time so I can try and be a good little girl lol. We'll see how it works.

Well, I'm off to my cold lonely bed again. G'nite all.