Weekend plans for myself that is...dinner, movies, playoff football, etc...definitely leaving her alone...Picking up 5D for church Sunday but otherwise want to stay dark for awhile longer unless she breaks it again.
I've been thinking...perhaps over-analyzing that this could be perceived as controlling. I made a decision, dance class, about 5D and did not exactly include her in the decision. So, if she wants to get aggrevated about it, she could view it as just controlling 5D. Which would be more of the same. I hope she does not go off the deep-end on this but maybe so...to soon to tell.
Had to contact WAW this morning because she did not include all of 5D's uniform stuff. Aggrevating she always seems to basically force me to make contact with her when I want to leave her alone unless she contacts me.
PMA is a bit messed up today. Last night, really had a good time taking 5D to dance. At first, expected WAW to call, the usual 3rd day WAW has not had 5D and to ask about her 1st dance class, but she did not. I, then, figured it was because it would acknowledge what I had done. Probably over-thinking. Then, I really got excited about moving on with things and the ability to live life without her. Kind of odd after having a good conversation with a friend that gave me a lot of hope. Anyhow, making weekend plans, projects, etc...
Woke up this morning thinking about upcoming letter to WAW. Then I had to deal with cell phone bill issues. Just a mess. My job is just to stressful. I really need to find something different. I feel so trapped in it. At least I have identified another thing thing made me unhappy when I was with WAW. It took me 30 minutes to get over the day yesterday. It's 6 hours before I get off and I am already feeling the stress. Hopefully, I can find something that is fulfilling and allows me to care for 5D and myself.
And of course, I want to go home...and I am not talking about that place I've been for 4 months.
Interestingly, WAW did not contact 5D this time when she was with me. She might have done that once before. Wonder if 5D dance has anything to do with it. Like I said, interesting...
Really bad weather here today, my thoughts turned to my WAW, 5D, and myself and how scattered apart we were today. I immediately thought of WAW when the weather report mentioned the bad weather where she works. Wonder if she did the same when it came my way?
Job stress the same...got get that out of my back. Yesterday, I realized that I was feeling bad about the day and it had nothing to do with WAW and everything to do with work. Felt kind of weird.
Excited about Friday plans...nothing special but I am out of the house. Gonna catch dinner and movie. Working on Saturday evening.
Maybe WAW will call Saturday late evening as last weekend and a similar period of time last month. I don't expect it but it would be interesting if a real pattern develops.
Plan... 1) Leave her alone - except for 5D church pick-up and that is hardly breaking darkness. 2) I am going to add DB coach, in a few days or a week, I think my WAW reaction to 5D dance class at least got her attention. 3) Letter/card in a week or so. I still think I need to wait awhile. Her not calling 5D is part of the reason.
Looking forward to dinner and movie tonight...especially after stressful week of work.
Woke-up very early this morning thinking about things I would write in letter/card to WAW. For some reason parts of this week of darkness have been difficult for me. At times I think nothing about her, other times I am just indifferent about the situation, and then a bit later I wish WAW was by my side. Problems seem so simple to overcome, yet irreconcilable from her point of view.
Her questions/comments about enrolling 5D in dance class seemed to have changed the way the ball is bouncing. "I am very surprised, you wouldn't have done that before, I am surprised you could, you cannot replace me", etc...She certainly is noticing changes in me. It was the first time she asked questions or comments about me. Yet, she did not call 5D during the last period of time I had her. Hard to read lack of call to 5D much. She might have just fallen asleep. Just don't know. Can't get to up about that conversation because they aren't questions regarding our R. It will be interesting if she calls Saturday and follow a similar pattern from the past.
I think I'll begin working on what I'll write in the card to WAW this weekend. I need to send it before my birthday at the end of the month. So, somewhere in between now and then.
I know it's hard not to read anything into a W's actions. I fight it everyday as well. But try not to. Their heads aren't in a "normal" place. They are going to do and say things we can't understand.
Lack of communication helps, not like you can read into her not calling...her reaction to enrolling 5D in tap/dance/ballet class changed something...
Here's to having a good weekend...I sent a church outfit for 5D 2 Sunday's ago for the weekend. But didn't exactly say I would get her at the regular time. I might have to text her about it Saturday...ugh...Maybe, she will use it as an excuse to call. Whatever, hope my movie is good.
Forgot to mention...About a month after separation from WAW I got a place of my own and got 5D two cats. One is Blackie, the other is Gray, guess who named them. Oh, the stray in the yard is Big Gray. LOL. Anyhow, Gray is very friendly and the other is a wild and crazy solid black cat that just won't let you catch or pet it. So, all those months ago, I told myself the day that cat would want me to love and pet on it would be the day that I was in a better place and WAW would want to try. blah blah...Well, last night that joker got on my pillow and turned the ole purr motor on right next to my ear. Kept me up well over an hour. Kind of hard to sleep reminiscing and smiling about those thoughts. Petting didn't help either I suppose. Of course, she didn't call, wouldn't have heard it over that cat anyhow, lol.
I actually think that she will call Saturday "to let me" talk to 5D and then give herself some airtime. I wouldn't wager the farm, but maybe the pond...lol. Won't be home anyhow, but it'll be interesting if theory becomes clearer.
Yeah, the frazzlin' couch...I could at least be at home, where WAW is, sleeping on that couch instead of the couch at my place. Slept 4 hours on couch last night then stayed awake at least 2 in the bed. Then, back to the couch for an hour nap. Then said heck with this and got up and did some work at like 3 or 4. No internet there, and certainly no one to call at that hour. The time allows me to gather my thoughts.
The other morning I asked myself if I lost everything and never saw WAW or 5D again(which I know won't happen), would I work or even life where I am now. And the answer is NO. Which led me to the job hunting thing. Even looking at houses. I guess we all evaluate everything in our lifes after the BOMB. Just takes a long time.
