What's new in AZ? How are things now that W has settled back in? Have your kids started back to school yet? Schools here are back in session (elementary - HS) college kids still have a couple weeks left (at least mine do).
Pavements are drying out...there's only about 4 inches on the grass, but the roads were icy because it had been warmer so the first layer of snow was slushy and then it froze overtop, so it made for creative driving. I think that's what I hate the most about our city in CO is that there are so many that have moved here from elsewhere and have little or no experience with driving in the snow that it compounds the problem!
Me:43 H:48 M:24 yrs T: 26 yrs 2 kids ILYNILWYA 8-07 - MOW 9-07 H moved out 8-2-08 Back 8-18-08 Affair continues Back home but not emotionally
Creative driving! I like that! If we get ANY snow, the best plan is to just stay home. Every bridge is a disaster, and there is NO equipment for handling it. Of course, you are probably good by lunchtime!
Kids are back in school (the two younger). S18 is supposed to be registering for community college classes for this semester (I don't know that he will ever 'officially' graduate from HS, a long story, but not a problem). S19 is leaving Thursday (at least as of lasst night) for NC to learn to be an infantryman, before his African vacation.
W is settled in, I guess, she's good at finding stuff to complain about, and from her point of view, she might be right. I'm still figuring out how to really apply what Was2sad posted to me. I think he has it pretty much right!
So, things are sort of back to normal. Oh, she did bring the flowers out to the common area, so everyone could see them. I think that was at least non-negative, perhaps positive. They are starting to wilt, though. But that's sort of the way of cut flowers!
I'll have to remember that next time! (Next time??????)
S19 is pretty excited. Dad is not thrilled, but, at the same time, it is exciting for him. And better there, than some places he could go. I expect they will get to go to the other places, eventually, but hopefully as time goes on it will be less dangerous. Kids don't think that way, I think.
As you have probably guessed, I can go on and on sometimes. Will try to keep this one short. I may have left you thinking you should totally discount W's comments or concerns.
I hope you have come across some threads on using the phrase "I'm sorry you feel that way." It validates that you heard her. It does not say you agree or disagree. It says you have some compassion for her concerns. It opens the door for you to share any comments you have, if you wish to. It might disarm her slightly if you want to start a discussion.
There may be times when you want to then thank her for pointing out something that she thought would have been obvious to others, but that you had not considered it that way. You may see opportunities to acknowledge her criticism as constructive and worth approaching with a an open mind.
And of course, there may be times when you follow that line by gently pointing out that she seems unnecessarily critical in this particular matter, as if something else may be bothering her. Instead of just saying she is wrong or that you don't agree, leave the door open to the fact that something is obviously troubling her. Be the rock of stable communication. Perhaps there is something else she would like to talk about. Maybe world peace. Perhaps the economy, or that her first son could soon be in harm's way.
These may or may not be DB, but they are just handy dandy ways of dealing with other people. We all need to do a better job of that. Does it matter if she changes her whole attitude or behavior as long as you are being the best person you can be? And if it does take the edge off of being in the house with her, then who knows. Low expectations makes the baby steps more rewarding.
