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It looks like you are doing great. Keep it up!

Boy, it was probably quite a chore to read through my posts! I tend to get a little long winded in them b/c I wait too long in between updates
So any updates on your end?

So, updates, hmm...
H came home after work last night. Played with kids while I made dinner. Then ate with us, asked me about my job opportunities--I had called him all excited yesterday about the Center Director thing--and I gave him the note from the center owner that I got in the mail. He read it and said it sounded cool, that the guy must think I would be pretty good. Anyway just small talk about me being excited to go back to work, talk about/with the kids, etc. I asked him if he was wanting to go to the Bball game on Fri. up in Iowa. He is unsure as he has to work until 5 Friday, would drive 2 hours to see game, then drive back as he has a work meeting at 7:00 am Saturday back here. I decided me and the kids will probably go regardless and spend the night Friday in Iowa w/my parents after spending the evening with his family at the ball game.
Anyway it was another frustratingly good night, actually. We had a good time playing with the kids and hanging out, not one argument or angry comment, just a regular time. But SOOO awkward to me because we don't touch each other anymore and to sit by him on the floor with the kids and not flirt or touch is soo hard and weird for me. It makes you want to scream "What is the problem?? We are having a GOOD time here! So snap out of it!" But of course I don't because, after all, we are having a good time so why ruin it.
After the kids went to bed, he went out to the truck and brought his things in (he had gone to a hotel Tues. night). I guess that meant he was spending the night at our place!? Oh yeah, he left a receipt for the hotel he got Sunday night on the counter yesterday morning. It showed he had paid for 3 nights, Sun,Mon, and Tues, when he checked in. I asked him when he came in why he had gotten a new room on Tues. night if he had already paid the hotel for 3 nights (although he stayed with us on Mon. night, not at the hotel). He says he had told the hotel Mon. morning to cancel the next 2 nights and they said they wouldn't charge him for them...then he had to get a new room when he went back Tues. So I guess I should take it as a good thing that he didn't stay gone for 3 days since that was his original intention?
Oh and before bed I had changed into a nightgown, nothing too racy just a cute, but short, cotton nighty--rather than my usual t-shirts! As I passed him in the hall, he looked at me and said "Woah!", but kept walking. Don't know if that was a compliment or if he was just suprised. We sat on separate couches and watched TV for 15 minutes. Then he went to the bathroom, came out, and said he was going to bed. He asked if I was going to bed, too (I sleep in a different room). So tempted to ask if he meant with him, but I didn't! I said no, want to give D time to really be asleep before I go in her room for bed (our guest bed is in D room). So then he layed back down on the other couch, but he had said he was going to bed? Maybe wanted to be out there cause I was out there? Who knows.
Anyway, I got up 15 min later to go to bed and when I came out, he was in our bedroom with the light still on. I know I shouldn't have, but I poked my head in. Asked, "Are you still on the "We'll see what happens plan?" [He had first said he didn't know how it could work out, then a couple weeks later said, we are OVER, then a week later said he wanted to try to fix our marriage and see what happens] He said "Yes, that is still the plan, we'll see." So I am sure I went too far, but I said, "So, does that mean we will talk about things and be in the same room together (meaning for sleeping)?" He replied, "At some point, yes". So I just said, "Okay, goodnight. Thanks for being excited about my job options today. I am glad I have your support" He said you're welcome and goodnight. Then I went to bed.
Back to the job hunt today. He told me goodbye this morning when he left for work--hasn't done that in a while-- and I asked if he'd be home for supper and he said yes. So I guess continue the 180 and GAL.....
Sorry so long but wanted to update things.

Well that all sounds pretty positive. A touch or a goodnight kiss would have topped it off, but I guess we LBS can't push. I agree that it just seems so weird to sit next to our HUSBAND's and not be able to snuggle up to them or touch them is so hard and frustrating!!

The "whoa" he gave you after seeing you in your nightgown had to feel good also!

I am still amazed at how well you are handling all this. I don't think you went to far sticking your head in his room. You kept it short and didn't push for more answers...I think it was fine. Just a little something to let him know you are still interested if nothing else. Keep it up!

Thanks, NAEY! So as I am logging on, H just called me. Leaving work, wanted me to know he is going to a nearby car dealership to look at a new truck. Last month he was going to get a new truck (his is only 4 yrs old while my car is 9 yrs old!), but decided not to bc with his apartment and our mortgage we have enough debt for the time being. So normally I would FREAK OUT on him for going to look at a truck. Especially when he just borrowed $2K on credit for apartment furniture. But I just said, "Go check it (the truck) out! Just call me when you are headed home if you still want to eat supper with us so I know when to start cooking." He said okay, and I said goodbye! So I have been the one to end the last several phone conversations, I avoided what would usually be a fight subject (buying truck), and he is the one calling me!? Guess I will call this a good day...Luck to all and I will check in later.

So last night went well I think. H came home from car dealership, ate supper with us, played with S on computer while I watched Grey's Anatomy (and bawled like an idiot, that show gets me sometimes, esp. last night they were talking about George cheating on his wife, etc.). Then I gave S a bath while H played with D. Just a "normal" night--I like that but it is so frustrating bc you wonder why he's moving out in 10 days if we can have such peaceful, enjoyable evenings? So kids were put to bed and we did the watch tv on separate couches thing. Actually had a good conversation too. I asked him how work was going--work constantly stresses him out. He told me that his company may get bought out by a bigger company. Asked what that meant for his job and he said, who knows? He may keep it if they get bought out, he may not. He said he's been looking for a job back home by our parents (we are both from same home town, high school sweethearts). I mentioned him getting a job w/a previous boss in TX, we talked about how this guy and H could do their cattle business together on the side, too--the guy is H's old boss but they still buy and sell cows together as a side business/hobby. It would even be easier for them to be partners if they lived in the same place. Anyway, I never mentioned me or the kids in either of the future scenarios, just kept the focus on him. He was really laid back for the whole conversation, didn't get nervous or agitated at all. He knows I am going to IA tonight to watch his niece play a b-ball game. Before he went to bed he said he may go too if he gets out of work early (I am NOT counting on it, for sure! He'd have to be back for a 7 am meeting tomorrow). All in all, it was a nice, normal night. It has been 5 days since he has said anything like "I am going crazy living here", or "I can't do this anymore". It has been 4 weeks since he has said anything about a D; even when he did, it was only one time in a fight where he said, "We're GONNA get divorced". But I know he is still moving out bc last night I gave him a paper he got in the mail re. furniture and he mentioned he was going to have it delivered instead of picking the furniture up himself. So one day at a time I guess.....

Another week has come and gone. Spent Fri/Sat in Iowa w/family while husband caught up on farm chores in Missouri. Actually he went to a different part of IA on Sat. to deliver another load of hay. Told me he'd be home @ 4, I had said I would be, too, so kids could hang out w/him. Got angry Fri. bc I realized he would never be done and back by 4 (he always underestimates his time needs)and I wasn't going to live on his schedule anymore. So Sat. went shopping for work clothes--going back to work in 2 weeks--while my parents watched kids. H texted me while I was at the mall. I didn't answer, tired of always being available. On the way out of the mall 2 hrs later, he called, but I was on with my Sis so I ignored it. He left me a voicemail, "Hey, it's me, call me!" like it was urgent or something. Guess he doesn't like it when I am unavailable, what a surprise...Waited 40 minutes, then called. He was amazed that at 5:30 I was still in IA since he thought I'd be back at 4. Surprise, he was still an hour from home!? He actually beat me home by 30 minutes. Oops, he forgot his garage door opener, so called me to see how far from home I was. Had to wait outside the house until I got there.Don't know why but it was fun for me to have him waiting on me for once...
Had a very nice night together, spent Sunday together too, went to church with kids and out to lunch, then H spent time oustide with S. Got in one fight over something stupid, then I later went back to explain to him that I was just getting more and more anxious as his move-out day nears (7 days). He mentioned he was dreading it, hasn't done much to prepare at all. After kids in bed, I asked him about the dreading moving out comment (Figured it was ok since he brought it up). Asked, if you are dreading it, don't want to prepare for it, say you want our M to work out, are you SURE you want to move? He said "I think it's the right thing to do." I asked why, not to be pleading but bc he has never given a real reason why, and he said "To have some peace. To work on me like you are working on you." (I had given him a letter about 4 days ago as a "Detach with Love" gesture, explaining that I knew the A was his choice, but that I had contributed to problems in our R and was going to focus on improving ME instead of fixing him, etc.) I asked him if he had goals for this improvement (I listed mine in the letter) and he said no, but he would be going to C on his own and with me and would just use his alone time to focus on himself. Earlier in the day we talked about being physical together, he said he feels like that is his way to avoid our problems. I said I didn't want to go 6 months (his lease time) without being physical, he said "It won't be that long"??? So don't know if that means the separation or just the physical/sex part. I said, well, I hope you accomplish what you want to accomplish and get the peace you need." He got up later to go to bed and came over to my couch and hugged me, held me really tight and kissed my head. He also held my hand for a little while at church. So maybe the ice is melting?? Will try to keep on with 180 and GAL and won't bring up the R again unless he does first. I am optimistic that the alone time will shake the alien out of him, I am only seeing it half the time now which is an improvment. Oh, and while I have been online he texted me, "What's up?" I have stopped calling him at work, period, and now he texts me?!

Wow BobbiJo,

I am impressed. You're doing something right and it's showing. Keep up the good work! I love hearing stories like yours. You are GAL and becoming the happy person you needed to. I hope to follow in your shoes.. gotta GAL and really mean it instead of just going through the motions of GAL.

I'll keep tabs on your progress... it's been uplifting for me!

Good luck!

I totally understand the "going through the motions" thing. I was basically doing that 80% of the time when I started the 180-GAL thing. It was more a strategy than a life change, just trying to get my H back. But I realized on Sat. that if he suddenly wanted us back together completely, I would have to say, "Not yet." I want him back, but I can't live the way we did before, it always wound up with our marriage in real trouble (2 affairs among other problems). So unless and until he and I both make changes, I know now that it won't just "work out". So I am really trying to work on me and hoping he will work on him. Although to be totally honest, I am probably still "going through the motions" 25% of the time. It's not that I don't want to GAL, etc., it's just that I know some of what I do is still in the hopes of saving my marriage. But I think that is okay, because I DO want to save my marriage. It's just that now I realized I really don't want my old marriage back (at first I was willing to take ANYTHING just to stay with H), I want and need and deserve something better. And you do too, and you will realize that in time if you don't yet. Good luck.
Also, I waited an hr. to text back to my H. Let him wait on me on occasion! And as far as going back to work, my background check cleared today and already my favorite elementary school called to see if I could sub on Wed & Thurs of this week. So little ones will be in FT day care a couple weeks early, I know they will survive though! I will take the work offers as a good sign of things to come...

I am trying dso hard to get my H back. I know our marriage will never be the same since his A, but I believe we can some back stronger. I am doing the bulk of the work though; reading the Divorce Remedy..etc to try and find a way to salvage this. We have a 7 month old daughter and I just feel like I want it so much more than him. It's such a struggle to sleep in the same bed with someone who can show you NO affection right now. It's killing me and he is so distant.
Me-30
H34
Together 15yrs
Married 2 years a week from today!
Found out about A one month ago
Affair went on for 4 months.
Please, some advice!